We’ve begun to more widely accept, embrace, and even celebrate anal play for any and all genders & sexualities. As a result, you might have found yourself curious about all the pleasurable possibilities of your (or your partner’s) prostate, but have no idea where to start. That’s where we come in, so strap-in (or strap-on) for a journey through the ins and outs of prostate play and prostate orgasm!
What is a prostate and what is it for?
The prostate, also referred to as the “P-spot,” is a small walnut-sized, heart-shaped muscular gland, located approximately two inches up the anus, between the rectum and the bladder, just in front of the rectum. The prostate produces a “prostatic fluid,” which makes up about 30 percent of total ejaculate. This fluid helps to protect the sperm, allowing them to move faster and to live longer outside of the body. This function, however, is the prostate's “reproductive function;” its other function is what we will be discussing today— providing mind-blowing orgasms!
Who has a prostate?
Learning about the prostate — whether you have one or not — is beneficial for anyone who is sexually intimate with a person who has one. Why? Because you can help your partner achieve a more enjoyable prostate orgasm more quickly than they can do so by themselves. While only folks born with penises have prostates, everyone can enjoy the experience of prostate play.
Are there other benefits to prostate orgasms?
Yes! Prostate massages, which is essentially what you are doing in order to get yourself to orgasm, have incredible preventative health benefits. A few studies have shown that frequent prostate massages can lower the risk of prostate cancer. Additionally, they can help decrease the symptoms of chronic prostatitis, a painful condition that causes the prostate to become inflamed.
How do you find the prostate?
To locate your prostate from the inside, you can insert either a finger(s) or a body-safe sex toy (such as a prostate massager or pegging dildo) into your anus. Located about 2 inches on the outside of the anterior wall of the anal canal, it should feel like a small, soft and fleshy area, when feeling around with your fingers.
You can indirectly pleasure the prostate from the outside as well, via the perineum, the area of skin between the anus and penis/testes. While it might be hard to achieve an orgasm this way, it's still an erogenous area, that feels great when massaged and shouldn't be ignored!
A few tips before you give internal prostate exploration a shot:
- The butt does NOT self-lubricate. You’ll want to be sure to use natural silicone, water, or oil-based lube (what kind will depend on what you are using ie: fingers, toy, etc.) before you go poking around up there. Without it, you may cause micro-tears in the anus.
- Breath deep, take your time and don’t rush it.
- Getting yourself aroused (mentally or physically) can also assist in finding the prostate as arousal will cause the prostate to swell in size.
How to achieve a prostate orgasm.
Some techniques you can use to achieve orgasm of the prostate using your fingers are:
- The “come hither” motion, similar to the movement often used to stimulate the G-spot in a vulva-owner, using one or two fingers gently pulse your finger(s) angling towards the bellybutton
- Pressing against the prostate can also help you stimulate it and potentially achieve orgasm.
- Go round and round: implement a circular motion.
Try any of these at various speeds, and see what works best for you!
You might find it challenging to self-stimulate the prostate using only your fingers. As mentioned earlier, a partner or a sex toy can help aid in the chase for the not-so-elusive prostate orgasm. A partner has more control and mobility than you do when it comes to pleasuring the prostate (visualize it).
If you’re alone, using toys can enhance the experience and make achieving orgasm easier, since you can adjust the toy and move it around using the base or handle of the toy that is located outside of the anus. Toys help you go more in-depth and can increase the pressure.
Toys you can incorporate into prostate play are called prostate massagers (vibrating or non-vibrating), such as the ones from the original creators of the prostate massager, Aneros. Other toys you can use include strap-ons and pegging dildos (or small dildos). When using toys for anal play, rule #1 is to use a toy with a flared base or handle (as most anal toys do)! Why? Because rectum muscles are strong and it is possible to lose the toy in the anal canal.
If your partner has a penis, they can use it for anal penetration, allowing you both to receive stimulation and pleasure. What could be better?
What positions are easiest for prostate play?
- Laying on your back with your knees pulled up against your chest as close as is comfortable. From here you would reach around using fingers or toys to stimulate the anus OR have a partner kneel in front of you and do it. (Bonus: they can massage your perineum as well from this position.)
- Laying on your stomach or face-down, and reaching around to your anus. In this position, from behind, a partner can also insert a toy, pegging dildo, or if they have one, a penis.
- On your side, with one or both knees pulled up closer to you into a fetal position, and reaching around to your anus. A partner can stimulate the anus from behind in this position.
- Get on your hands and knees, then reach around with one hand, OR have a partner get behind you and stimulate with fingers, toys, or a penis. You can also reach your hand THROUGH your legs and reach the anus that way.
What does a prostate orgasm feel like?
Just like the clitoral orgasm, people tend to describe the pleasurable feeling of a prostate orgasm in a myriad of different ways. No single response is ever quite the same. According to Thomas (he/him) 30, prostate play “makes for a longer fuller orgasm, and a slower release versus a traditional orgasm.”
As a Reddit user describes it, “the actual prostate orgasm itself isn't really the highlight of it for me; It's the build-up it and the afterglow that makes it special. The lead-up is like you're close to orgasm the entire time, but it's more of this non-focused, full-body sort of feeling. Then you cum, but you get this really nice ‘body high’ afterward: You feel flushed and warm, and your legs feel a bit weak for a few hours afterward.”
In another Reddit thread, many Redditors anonymously responded to this question: “... what does a prostate orgasm feel like, exactly?”
“It starts as a quivering deep inside of you. It makes your thighs tremble and your muscles contract in a very pleasurable way. It tightens up the way your penis would when fully erect and you are over aroused. It feels like a pressure inside of you. Pressure was felt before, but that was from defecating and this is a different kind of pressure. You can feel it rise up to your core, all muscles tightening at once... your temples shaking that's how deep into your core this is reaching... and then it releases. Your ass, inside, and your thighs tremble and contract the way your penis pumps when you ejaculate. You feel an extreme rush of endorphins and feel good chemicals, a warmth all over your body. You can barely think, just lay there in an ecstasy and a stupor as wave after wave of pleasure courses through you and all over you. Your asshole probably feels a tiny bit sore as you/your partner most likely had been a bit too rough in the heat of the moment.” - Reddit User
“For me, I find that I am simply overcome by the sheer power of the orgasm. It's not a whole lot better, per se, but it is a lot stronger. As in, after it happens, I'm stuck there out of breath and trembling for at least a few minutes. As if all of my energy had just been sucked out of my body and concentrated into a ridiculous orgasm. P-spot is the way to go. It doesn't replace a regular orgasm, but it makes a really nice treat every once in a while. Especially if you can achieve it through pegging. Pegging is the best ever. Hands down.” -Reddit User
“They are amazing! It feels like you're brought to the brink of orgasm, but you stay there for a long time before the pleasure just takes over and you explode. I do think it can be difficult when you try to achieve a prostate orgasm by yourself. You end up focusing on the thrusts instead of being able to fixate on the immense pleasure.” -Reddit User
It's much better with a partner when you are able to lie there and just enjoy the feeling, while they go to town on it. For me (gay male) some of the best orgasms happen when my boyfriend is penetrating me and I'm forced to lie there and take everything he gives me. The pleasure is amazing! Much better than a reach around.” - Reddit User
Many folks also like incorporating prostate orgasms into their sex life because doing so doesn’t prevent you from also achieving a penile orgasm later on if desired.
Now, grab a glove and some lube, & get out there and discover the joys of prostate pleasure for yourself!