7 Tips For First Time Anal
When you’re trying anal sex for the first time you want it to be as smooth and pleasuable as possible. Here’s how to get yourself ready for butt stuff.
Including the anus in sexual play and exploration can provide many benefits. After all, the butthole has a high concentration of nerve endings, making it super sensitive and inviting for pleasurable feels.
Anal play can also add newness and novelty to sexytime - because everyone loves options, right? Finally, since anal sex is often considered ‘taboo,’ playing with the butthole can add an air of mystery and excitement that feels forbidden.
However, there are also important considerations when it comes to trying anal sex safely and pleasurably. Since butt play is still considered more risqué than many other types of sex, it isn’t often discussed openly and honestly.
The butthole has a high concentration of nerve endings, making it super sensitive and inviting for pleasurable feels.
If you’re considering exploring the anus for the first time - whether your own or a partner’s - there are a few tips that can make it a more enjoyable experience. Keep in mind that anal play is a more advanced sexual practice, so it will likely be more successful and pleasurable for those who are comfortable and experienced with other types of partnered sexual play.
1. Relax Your Butt
The most often overlooked necessity for pleasurable butt play is relaxation, especially for the recipient. When our bodies are tense, the sphincter muscles that surround the anus clench, forcing the anus to squeeze itself closed. When we relax, those sphincter muscles relax too, and allow the opening of the anus to loosen and open wider.
But relaxation is often counterintuitive to anal penetration. It is a sensation that we’re not typically very familiar with (after all, things are more frequently coming out of our butt than going into it).
The most often overlooked necessity for pleasurable butt play is relaxation… When our bodies are tense, the sphincter muscles that surround the anus clench… When we relax, those sphincter muscles relax too.
The receiver should be willing and enthusiastic about trying anal play! While nervousness can be normal when trying something new, fear and apprehension are barriers to successful anal sex.
2. Clean Before Anal
The receiver can relax by creating a comforting context for butt play. For example, poop to empty the bowls, and then take a warm shower or bath to calm your energy and clean the anus by swirling your finger around your butthole with warm water and mild soap, and then repeating with water to rinse. Cleaning the anus can help minimize anxiety about any flakes of poop making an appearance during sexy time.
3. Warm Up Slowly
Setting a comfy sex environment - maybe including soft music, lighting and bedding - can also help ease anxiety. Easing into butt play with other types of enjoyable sex play such as massage, rubbing, kissing, and oral sex can help set an arousing tone that heightens our pleasure sensors.
While penetration is often the ultimate objective of anal play, focusing on the journey of the pleasure - rather than destination of the goal - can further reduce tension by taking the pressure off.
4. Always Use Lube For Anal
The anal canal is relatively delicate, and unlike the vagina, does not self-lubricate. Lubrication is essential for safe and comfortable anal penetration of any size. Not only will added lube decrease the chance of anal fissures (tiny tears in the anal canal), but the reduced friction will also make penetration smoother and more pleasurable for both the giver and receiver.
Lubrication is essential for safe and comfortable anal penetration of any size.
Silicone-based lube is often recommended when it comes to anal play. Unlike a water-based lubricant, silicone lube is typically thicker, absorbs into the body less quickly, staying slicker longer.
5. Try Anal Toys
The anus can be eased into the sexual experience through non-penetration play by rubbing it softly, massaging it with pressure, or licking, sucking, and kissing. Take your time and communicate with your partner about how it feels.
After the butt’s aroused by those tactics, attempting penetration with a lubricated finger before a penis or dildo can get it used to the sensation of something entering the anus. Perhaps inserting a tapered butt plug - with lube! - while stimulating other parts of the body like the nipples, clitoris or testicles can help the body associate anal penetration with sexual pleasure.
6. Keep Communicating
Communication between the giver and receiver during anal play can significantly impact the quality of the experience. Although butt sex doesn’t have to only happen with a long-term partner, it is helpful to be familiar with the communication style of your anal sex partner. While the giver may appear to be in control of the speed and depth of penetration, it should actually be the receiver who calls the shots.
7. Prioritize Pleasure
As you move into penetration, it is important to go slow at the beginning to allow the receiver to become familiar and comfortable with the sensation. While it may feel strange at first, and maybe even uncomfortable, anal sex shouldn’t feel painful.
It is imperative that the receiver feel comfortable speaking up should discomfort arise, and for the giver to follow the receiver's lead. If something hurts, stop. Try adding more lube, going slower, or moving back to another sexy activity that felt better.
While the giver may appear to be in control of the speed and depth of penetration, it should actually be the receiver who calls the shots.
Penetration may not happen during the first attempt at anal play - this is completely normal and does not constitute an anal sex failure. In fact, it means you will come into your next anal play experience with more familiarity and practice. Way to go!
Myths and facts
Setting the record straight.
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What Is An Anal Orgasm?
Do butt orgasms exist? Do you want to have one? Tips, techniques, and toys for anal pleasure and orgasm.
Did you know you could have an anal orgasm?
The whole anal area is highly sensitive, and for many people, highly pleasurable. Even just external stimulation with fingers or a mouth and tongue can be a lot of fun. But having this area of the body touched takes some getting used to. Not only do you have to get physically comfortable, but you need to be mentally relaxed to really enjoy yourself.
If you’d like to experiment with anal penetration, relaxation becomes even more important. Penetration won’t feel good, and might not even be possible, if your body isn’t fully relaxed - and your body will follow your mind’s cues.
But if you can get past the idea that it feels a little strange or taboo, there’s a lot of pleasure to be had!
Anal Stimulation And Sensation
People of all genders can enjoy anal sex, both because of how sensitive the area is, and because the genitals can also be indirectly stimulated through anal play. These areas combine to create pleasure and orgasm.
The whole anal area is highly sensitive, and for many people, highly pleasurable.
Because the membrane between the vagina and rectum is thin, anal penetration stimulates these areas in a way that’s similar to vaginal penetration. In fact, for some people it’s even better because the extra layer of protection keeps the g-spot stimulation from being too intense. And for people with a prostate, anal penetration is the best way to access that area for pleasure.
Multiple forms of stimulation are often the best way to go, no matter what kind of sex you’re having. There’s even a name for it: a blended orgasm. That’s when you have an orgasm from stimulation of multiple erogenous zones at once.
Butt Penetration And Toys
If you’d like to try having an anal orgasm, you can do so with fingers, toys, or a penis. Just keep in mind that for anal play, especially first-time anal play, it’s important to start small before you attempt inserting larger objects.
Because both the prostate and g-spot need similar stimulation, you can often use the same types of toys. Just be sure any toy you’re using is anal safe! You’ll find dildos and vibrators with a pronounced curve are the most useful.
With curved toys, rather then using them in a thrusting motion, use a pivoting motion pressing forward towards the front of the person’s body. The same thing is true if you’re using fingers -- you’ll want to aim up towards the anterior wall (towards the belly) to find the prostate or g-spot.
While some people can have an orgasm from anal penetration alone, it’s pretty rare. Most people need to have additional stimulation of the clitoris or the penis.
If you’re having sex with a penis, you may need to experiment with positions to get the best angle. Depending on the curve of the penis, missionary sex might miss the mark. Try having the Receiver on top. This will give lots of flexibility for deciding how fast and how deep penetration will go, as well as allowing room to experiment with different angles.
Maximize Pleasure By Touching Other Erogenous Zones
As a bonus, everyone will have their hands free to provide additional stimulation or hold toys. This position also allows easy access to the other erogenous zones, such as the penis or clit, of the person on top.
As much fun as butt stuff can be, it’s certainly not for everyone. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t like how it feels, or if you don’t even like the idea of trying it. But if you feel curious and open to some exploration, you might be surprised by how good, and even orgasmic, it can feel.