First Time Anal

7 Tips For First Time Anal

When you’re trying anal sex for the first time you want it to be as smooth and pleasuable as possible. Here’s how to get yourself ready for butt stuff.

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Including the anus in sexual play and exploration can provide many benefits. After all, the butthole has a high concentration of nerve endings, making it super sensitive and inviting for pleasurable feels.

Anal play can also add newness and novelty to sexytime - because everyone loves options, right?  Finally, since anal sex is often considered ‘taboo,’ playing with the butthole can add an air of mystery and excitement that feels forbidden.  

However, there are also important considerations when it comes to trying anal sex safely and pleasurably. Since butt play is still considered more risqué than many other types of sex, it isn’t often discussed openly and honestly.

The butthole has a high concentration of nerve endings, making it super sensitive and inviting for pleasurable feels.

If you’re considering exploring the anus for the first time - whether your own or a partner’s - there are a few tips that can make it a more enjoyable experience. Keep in mind that anal play is a more advanced sexual practice, so it will likely be more successful and pleasurable for those who are comfortable and experienced with other types of partnered sexual play.

1. Relax Your Butt

The most often overlooked necessity for pleasurable butt play is relaxation, especially for the recipient. When our bodies are tense, the sphincter muscles that surround the anus clench, forcing the anus to squeeze itself closed. When we relax, those sphincter muscles relax too, and allow the opening of the anus to loosen and open wider.  

But relaxation is often counterintuitive to anal penetration. It is a sensation that we’re not typically very familiar with (after all, things are more frequently coming out of our butt than going into it).

The most often overlooked necessity for pleasurable butt play is relaxation… When our bodies are tense, the sphincter muscles that surround the anus clench… When we relax, those sphincter muscles relax too.

The receiver should be willing and enthusiastic about trying anal play! While nervousness can be normal when trying something new, fear and apprehension are barriers to successful anal sex.  

2. Clean Before Anal

The receiver can relax by creating a comforting context for butt play. For example, poop to empty the bowls, and then take a warm shower or bath to calm your energy and clean the anus by swirling your finger around your butthole with warm water and mild soap, and then repeating with water to rinse. Cleaning the anus can help minimize anxiety about any flakes of poop making an appearance during sexy time.

3. Warm Up Slowly

Setting a comfy sex environment - maybe including soft music, lighting and bedding - can also help ease anxiety. Easing into butt play with other types of enjoyable sex play such as massage, rubbing, kissing, and oral sex can help set an arousing tone that heightens our pleasure sensors.  

While penetration is often the ultimate objective of anal play, focusing on the journey of the pleasure - rather than destination of the goal - can further reduce tension by taking the pressure off.  

4. Always Use Lube For Anal

The anal canal is relatively delicate, and unlike the vagina, does not self-lubricate. Lubrication is essential for safe and comfortable anal penetration of any size. Not only will added lube decrease the chance of anal fissures (tiny tears in the anal canal), but the reduced friction will also make penetration smoother and more pleasurable for both the giver and receiver.  

Lubrication is essential for safe and comfortable anal penetration of any size.

Silicone-based lube is often recommended when it comes to anal play. Unlike a water-based lubricant, silicone lube is typically thicker, absorbs into the body less quickly, staying slicker longer.

5. Try Anal Toys

The anus can be eased into the sexual experience through non-penetration play by rubbing it softly, massaging it with pressure, or licking, sucking, and kissing. Take your time and communicate with your partner about how it feels.

After the butt’s aroused by those tactics, attempting penetration with a lubricated finger before a penis or dildo can get it used to the sensation of something entering the anus. Perhaps inserting a tapered butt plug - with lube! - while stimulating other parts of the body like the nipples, clitoris or testicles can help the body associate anal penetration with sexual pleasure.

6. Keep Communicating

Communication between the giver and receiver during anal play can significantly impact the quality of the experience. Although butt sex doesn’t have to only happen with a long-term partner, it is helpful to be familiar with the communication style of your anal sex partner. While the giver may appear to be in control of the speed and depth of penetration, it should actually be the receiver who calls the shots.  

7. Prioritize Pleasure

As you move into penetration, it is important to go slow at the beginning to allow the receiver to become familiar and comfortable with the sensation. While it may feel strange at first, and maybe even uncomfortable, anal sex shouldn’t feel painful.

It is imperative that the receiver feel comfortable speaking up should discomfort arise, and for the giver to follow the receiver's lead. If something hurts, stop. Try adding more lube, going slower, or moving back to another sexy activity that felt better.  

While the giver may appear to be in control of the speed and depth of penetration, it should actually be the receiver who calls the shots.  

Penetration may not happen during the first attempt at anal play - this is completely normal and does not constitute an anal sex failure. In fact, it means you will come into your next anal play experience with more familiarity and practice. Way to go!  

Related Articles:

What Is Anal Play?

How To Prepare For Anal Sex

What Is A Rim Job?

How To Use Lube

What Are Consent Skills?

Tips For Stimulating Your Clit To Orgasm

Sex Toys: What To Buy

References

Video transcript

Now, when you're finally ready to have penetration, here is the asshole. Here is the way that I like to do it. You don't just, like, go directly in. That's... It's very intense and it's very abrupt. I like to seduce the asshole. So what I do is I take the tip of my finger, 'cause that's what you're gonna be paying attention to, and I just graze it over with just a tiny bit of pressure over the asshole, and I'll feel it catch. It'll catch on the lip on my way down. See that, like how it just kinda, let's see if you can see from this side better. It catches. And once it catches, so it's like you're ringing a doorbell, okay. So like ding-dong! You bring it down, it catches right on the tip of your finger, and then you press down. And have them breathing. Breathing is so important! You want to go in on the exhales. The exhales are when your whole body relaxes, so And have them do deep breaths, deep, deep breaths, nice, slow, deep breaths. So like Like in for four seconds, out for eight seconds. In for two seconds, out for four seconds. So you wanna actually exhale twice as long as you inhale. So we're breathing in, we're touching, we're feeling good, we're doing ding-dong! Inhale, exhale, catch, and then a little bit of pressure. Inhale. Exhale, press up. Inhale press to the side. Or no, inhale, stay still. Exhale, press to the side. Inhale, stay still. Exhale, press to the other side. Inhale, stay still. Exhale, press down. Inhale, stay still. Exhale, press up. Inhale, stay still. Exhale, go to the side. Notice how more of my finger is disappearing every time I do this? You're slowly working it in. And you will feel the internal sphincter squeezing against your finger, and you'll feel it release on the exhales. And so you're waiting for that feeling of release, and then you'll get through this lip. And when you feel the internal sphincter, like, squinching around you, you can kinda tickle at it a little bit, like just gentle, gentle strokes, like touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch. And it will, like you're fluttering, like you're fluttering the stimulation on the inside. And as the exhale happens it will start to release and then you can continue to go in a little bit more. Once you're past here, you don't have to do the up, down, side to side. You can start continuing. So once you're here, and you're checking in the entire time: "How is this, is this good? "Do you want more? "Do you want less? "Do you need lube? "Do you want me to slow down? "How's your breathing?" Checking in constantly.