There are many reasons to try orgasming from penetration alone: Perhaps you’re interested in how this type of orgasm feels; maybe the thought of orgasming at the same time as your partner during sex turns you on. Whatever the reason, exploring the elusive, “vaginal orgasm” will help you learn more about your body and your pleasure. If you’re interested in trying to have an orgasm without touching yourself, here’s what you need to know.
If you have never come from intercourse alone, then you are in the majority and there’s nothing wrong with your vagina. Penetration can feel great, but for most people, it doesn’t provide the intense level of sensation needed to tip over into orgasm. Generally, to orgasm during intercourse, many people need added direct clit stimulation with a finger, a toy, or maybe a strategically placed pillow to grind on. In fact, 70 to 80 percent of people need their clit directly stimulated to have an orgasm.
This fact shouldn’t discourage you from trying to have a hands free orgasm, however. Instead, it should help alleviate some pressure, which can actually benefit your experimentation journey. When we take the pressure off of sexual experiences, we are more relaxed, and more likely to achieve orgasm.
Want to try and orgasm from penetration alone?
Of course, for some people — 20 to 30 percent, in fact — find they can orgasm from penetration alone, at least some of the time. So if you’re curious, absolutely, try it out. You might have a breakthrough and unlock your ability to orgasm from intercourse, you might work out ways to maximize the chance of it happening so that, even if it’s rare, you do manage to get there sometimes. Or you might conclude that penetration is just not your ticket to orgasm. Instead, you might want to try having a hands-free orgasm. All of those outcomes are fine. Whatever happens, you can have fun experimenting.
11 tips to maximize your chances of coming from intercourse
1. Understand vagina anatomy.
First, make sure you understand vaginal anatomy and the parts that are most likely to lead to pleasure (and maybe orgasm) when stimulated. For most people the entrance and first third of the vagina are the most sensitive areas. This may include the G-spot area, which is on the front wall of the vagina. The internal structure of the clitoris has a lot to do with why these parts can bring a lot of pleasure, so make sure you understand the full size and shape of the clit so you know what you’re working with.
Other areas that are sexually sensitive for some people are the cervix, “A-spot”, and perineal sponge. So get familiar with all these sexy bits by checking out some good anatomy diagrams. It’s much easier to reach your destination if you have a good map.
2. Find your own sensitive areas and focus there.
Understanding anatomy is just the starting point. The important thing is to apply it to your own body. Experiment with stimulating different areas and see what brings pleasure. Do you enjoy deep penetration? Do you prefer G-spot stimulation? Or pressure against the back wall around your perineum? Or somewhere else entirely? Whatever feels best for you and brings the most intensity of sensation is where you should focus.
3. Take your time to get aroused.
The vagina can take longer to warm up than the clit, and getting that blood flow to the genital tissues is really important for your arousal, sensation, and chances of reaching the big O. So spend some time kissing and doing other things that turn you on. For example, you might like some nipple play, or you can try dirty talk to get in the mood. Before moving to penetration, you might ask your partner to give you oral sex to help your body get more ready and turned on.
4. Start by trying blended orgasms.
There are different types of orgasms to explore. You may be working up to a hands-free orgasm during intercourse, but combining vaginal stimulation with clit stimulation is a good stepping stone. Just do penetration for a while, and then add in clit stimulation when you feel you need it to reach orgasm. Over time, delay adding in clit stimulation and see if eventually you can climax without it. Maybe yes, maybe no, but it’s worth a try.
5. Slow and steady wins the race.
A common error when trying to reach orgasm is thinking that hard-and-fast is best. While it may be preferred by some people, for many, too much pressure and friction for too long can numb the nerve-endings, and can feel uncomfortable. So, although it’s counterintuitive, slow movements with a lighter pressure can actually feel way more intense. Yes, hard-and-fast is often preferred as a person gets closer to orgasm, but in the build up try to keep movements on the slow and steady side.
6. Try edging.
Switching between slower and faster is also a great way to build up arousal and increase your chances of orgasm. You may want to indulge in a bit of hot-and-heavy bed-bouncing activity, and then dial it back to slow and focussed thrusts for a couple of minutes. Switching intensity during sex, aka “edging” is a popular technique to help with reaching and intensifying climax.
7. Breath, focus, and relax.
Getting relaxed and feeling present in your body can help you focus on your vaginal sensations and really enjoy the pleasure. Find ways to reduce your mental distraction such as choosing a relaxing time and place to have sex, starting with a massage or bath, and making sure there are no lingering disagreements you need to resolve with your partner as resentment is like a cold shower to your libido. During sex, breathing slowly and deeply and focussing on your genital area can help you hone in on those sensations. You can think of it as “breathing into your pussy” to bring relaxation and blood flow to the area.
8. Pay attention to your environment.
Being in the right environment is really important to help you feel comfortable, relaxed, and in a good mental space. That means: getting the lighting right for you, making sure the bed (or wherever you are) is comfy, and checking the temperature — are you warm enough? Focus on your pleasure without getting distracted.
9. Practice by yourself.
Why not dedicate some time to practicing solo? Using a dildo, try masturbating with penetration only. See what speed, angle, and depth feels good. Pay attention to how your arousal builds, and to how the intensity of the sensation increases. As you get more practice, you might find you’re able to bring yourself closer to orgasm (and you might even get there). Once you’ve worked out how to get this type of pleasure from solo play, you’ll have more idea of the techniques to try with a partner.
10. Pelvic floor strength.
Having a well-toned pelvic floor is important. It will allow you to grip more tightly on your partner’s penis or the dildo, and this can intensify the sensations you feel in your vagina. Also, since an orgasm is basically a series of muscle contractions, having a toned pelvic floor is important so that these muscle contractions can happen. Kegels can help improve your pelvic floor strength. Just make sure you do kegel exercises correctly, and be sure to evaluate first if they are right for you, as they’re not appropriate for everyone.
11. Find the best position(s) for you.
There are certain sex positions that allow for deeper penetration or various other sensations that can help bring on a hands-free orgasm. Everyone’s body is different so what works for some may not work for others. That said, there are a few sex positions that many people agree are best for orgasming from penetration alone. Find what works for you.
Best positions for orgasming with just penetration
- Cowgirl. Riding on top is the most successful position for achieving a hands-free orgasm during intercourse. Not only can you direct the penetration to hit your sweet spots, but you can also grind your clit on your partner’s body to maximize the sensation from all angles.
- Knees-back missionary. Lie on your back and pull your knees up so your feet are raised off the bed. You may want to prop up your butt with a pillow for support. This is an effective G-spot position since it’s much easier to access that front wall of the vagina than it is during regular missionary. During penetration, angle the penis or toy to press that G-spot area if you know you like G-spot sensation.
- Doggy. If you enjoy deep penetration, then doggy is a great option. You can also be more in control of the speed and depth, which can help you get the stimulation you want. Another good thing about doggy is it’s so easy to use a finger or toy on your clit, to help push you over the edge.
- Legs together. Some people find it easier to reach orgasm when their legs are close together rather than spread apart. Try having your legs together — you could be on your front, back, side, standing, it’s your choice! Have your partner straddle you while they’re penetrating you. Clench or pulse your pelvic and thigh muscles in this position to boost the intensity of sensations and help you reach the big O.
The bottom line
You may or may not achieve the hands-free orgasm from penetration that you’re seeking. For most people, it just doesn’t work for their anatomy. But whether you get there or not, enjoy the ride, you’ll learn new things about your pleasure and your body along the way. And who knows, maybe you’ll crack the code! Good luck in your mission. If you’re interested in trying another type of hands-free orgasm, check out our tips on how to have a cervical orgasm.