Listen up, doggy-style isn’t the only position for anal sex! Receiving anal penetration, in the missionary position, whether it be from a penis, dildo or strap-on, can also be one of the more pleasurable ways to experience anal stimulation, for any gender — and that’s in addition to all the pleasure nerve endings around just the rim of the anus.
1. Hit that clitoral bulb.
For folks with a clitoris and vulva, part of the larger internal clitoral structure are the clitoral bulbs — elongated masses of erectile tissue — which fill with blood during arousal, expanding and often putting pressure on surrounding structures, including the vagina and anus. When pressure is applied through the anus in a gentle upwards angle, which is achieved naturally through the missionary position, the bulbs will be stimulated, increasing pleasure and possibility for orgasm.
2. Pay attention to the prostate.
For folks with penises, missionary anal is perfect for prostate play. The prostate is the walnut-sized gland located about 2-3 inches up the anus and toward the stomach, resting right against the anal canal. Not only does it feel amazing when stimulated, but folks with prostates can actually have prostate orgasms, which have been described as an entirely different kind of orgasm from a penile orgasm. In the missionary position, the prostate can be easily stimulated via penetration because of the slightly upward angle of the penis or dildo. G-spot dildos in the missionary position are also a good way to achieve prostate stimulation as they too target anterior-interior stimulation.
3. Use lube liberally.
The first thing to know about exploring any anal play is that lube is your best friend. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating, so in order for anal sex to be safe and enjoyable, lube it up.
When choosing a lube for anal sex, it’s usually best to look for something that is long-lasting, that will be compatible with any safer sex barrier methods being used. Aloe-infused, water-based lubes are often a good option for people engaging in anal sex with condoms as they have added moisturizing properties and are compatible with latex. If you are penetrating with a silicone toy or strap-on dildo, make sure you aren’t using silicone lube as the ingredient can negatively interact with the toy material.
4. Avoid desensitizing lube.
Desensitizing lube can temporarily reduce your ability to feel pain, which is what you don’t want during anal. Pain alerts you if your partner is going too fast or hard, potentially causing excessive micro-tears in the anus without knowing. Being able to feel the pain as it’s happening means you’ll be able to more quickly communicate that the speed and intensity need to lessen.
5. Prop up your hips.
Placing a pillow underneath the lower hips/pelvis during missionary anal sex is an instant game-changer. Raising the hips both allows the penetrating partner comfortable access to the receiver’s anus and gives the receiver lumbar support.
You can use any regular or throw pillow, an orthopedic wedge, or even roll up a towel or sheets to place underneath. You can also invest in specialized luxury sex pillows, ramps, and wedges.
6. Add in a side attraction.
Myi Baker, sex coach and owner of the CBD sexual wellness company Lady Luxxxe recommends adding in toys or other methods of stimulation and arousal for the receiver. “Find things that may help you relax and enjoy the moment while learning to appreciate the pleasures of anal sex,” she tells O.school.
In the missionary position, the receiving partner will have both hands free to roam and stimulate their genitalia and other erogenous zones, like the chest and inner thighs. People with vulvas can easily incorporate clitoral vibrators, internal vaginal vibrators, dildos, or just use their hands and fingers. People with penises can also freely masturbate in this position and can choose to add in a variety of toys like vibrating cock rings, strokers, and more. For the penetrating partner, this position makes it easy for them to offer additional stimulation with their hands as well.
7. Practice safer anal sex.
To significantly reduce the possible transmission of STIs during anal intercourse, internal condoms (often called female condoms) or external condoms (often called male) are the best options. If you are having anal sex with someone with a vulva, it’s also imperative that you don’t travel from the anus to the vagina/vulva. For the same reasons vulva owners should not wipe “back to front” after using the bathroom, as it can cause all sorts of infections such as bacterial vaginosis, and UTIs, so the same goes for sex. In the missionary position, it can be easy to accidentally slip and penetrate the vagina instead, if not paying attention, so tread somewhat carefully.
After engaging in penetrative anal, remove and replace the condom and wash the penis or toy with mild soap or wipes, before going back for any vaginal sex.
8. Control the depth.
For many, anal penetration with a partner may simply be too deep, causing pain, but is otherwise pleasurable at a shallower depth. It can be really hard for both the penetrating partner and the receiving partner to focus on controlling the depth while also staying in the moment of pleasure. This can be exacerbated in the missionary position, where the receiver doesn’t have much ability to control the depth of penetration and to prevent potential discomfort.
If this is the case, the OhNut are stackable, wearable penetration buffers that can help. The OhNut are thick rings, made of a condom and lube compatible material, that goes around the base of a penis, preventing deeper penetration of the vagina or anus, while also potentially providing stimulation for the wearer.
9. Bottom at your own pace and communicate.
When it comes to anal sex, the bottom is actually the boss, regardless of the position. The receiver’s comfort and safety is really the top priority here, so it’s important to take things slowly and ease into it. The missionary anal position is a good position for communicating during first-time anal since both partners are able to see each other’s body language and facial expressions.
Dr. Jess O’ Reilly, the host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, points out to O.school that “often if people have negative experiences with anal sex, it’s because they didn’t allow their bodies enough time to relax before insertion. Incremental experimentation with penetration can lead to more pleasure and amazing orgasms.” Basically, don’t be afraid to practice using fingers or smaller toys. They help loosen up and relax the sphincter muscles and also familiarize the receiver to the feeling of both insertion and pulling out.
It’s imperative to be engaging in ongoing communication, including giving feedback and checking in (which can be done through dirty talk) with your partner consistently. You might want to consider determining a safe word or use the green-yellow-red method of communicating your comfort levels. Green means “I’m into this, keep on going,” yellow expresses “slow down, I may need a break, we’re getting close to my limit,” and red communicates “stop whatever we’re doing, right now.”
Exploring anal play with someone safely with care and communication, with or without orgasm, can feel wildly satisfying, especially if you feel informed and prepared. Hopefully, these tips can help you realize your bossy bottom potential, or help you consensually sex one up or both