December 21, 2022

How To Use A Fleshlight

Learn how to use your stroker using this step-by-step guide.
Written by
Ella Dorval Hall
Published on
December 21, 2022
Updated on
What's changed?
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Using a Fleshlight can take solo or partnered play to the next level. While using this kind of stroker might seem relatively straightforward, there are a few tips and tricks to make the experience even better. Learn how to use a Fleshlight by following our step-by-step guide.  

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Fleshlight’s Ice Lady is the new addition to Fleshlight’s line of hyper-realistic, premium pleasure products. Made from patented SuperSkin material, this stroker is designed with a frosted transparent finish for realistic sensations, as well as a unique visual experience. It’s also textured with bumps, modules, and spirals for added pleasure. We recommend users apply plenty of water-based lube for optimal performance.

Crystal, transparent sleeve allows users to see behind the scenes
SuperSkin feature offers a hyper-realistic feel
Can get messy
Plastic can feel sticky
Not rechargeable
The nuts and bolts
  • Battery-powered
  • Waterproof
  • Body-safe silicone
  • 8 oz (approx. weight of a glass of water)
  • 9.8 x 4 x 4 in

What is a Fleshlight?

A Fleshlight is a sex toy meant for penises. It is a kind of stroker or masturbation sleeve, and is  sometimes referred to as a “pocket pussy.” While there are many different kinds of strokers and male masturbators, the Fleshlight is a specific brand. Fleshlights are famous for mimicking the feeling of vaginal, oral, or anal penetration. They come in a plastic casing, traditionally designed to look like a flashlight for discreet use. Inside of the plastic casing is a silky smooth, skin-like sleeve with bumps and textures. When a person puts their penis inside the sleeve and moves the Fleshlight up and down their shaft, it is meant to feel like penetrative sex with a partner. Many Fleshlights are shaped like a vulva or anus, while others are more discreet, not mimicking any anatomical parts, or even appearing to be objects like a shampoo bottle.

How to use a Fleshlight 

If you have a Fleshlight, follow these steps to learn how to properly use your stroker. 

1. Choose the Fleshlight for you

When you choose your Fleshlight, consider what you want it to look like— many Fleshlights look like a vulva, anus, or mouth, while others are more neutral or discreet. Some Fleshlights have transparent casings, allowing you to see your penis inside the toy while it's being sucked and stimulated. Check the dimensions of the Fleshlight to find one that fits the size of your penis. Openings start around 2.5 to 3 inches and they make Fleshlights with openings as large as 7 inches. The lengths range from 2.5 to 9 inches. You might choose a Fleshlight that vibrates or has other premium features, or you might choose one with less frills. 

2. Clean it

Remove the Fleshlight from the plastic casing and clean it before use with warm water. Don’t use any soap, as it can degrade this ultra sensitive material. Many Fleshlights are made of a stretchy material to flip the toy inside out and clean the surface that makes contact with your skin. Be sure to clean your Fleshlight after each use.   

3. Apply renewal powder

After washing your Fleshlight, you may notice that the material feels a bit sticky. In order to restore the toy to the soft, skin-like texture, apply renewal powder. Renewal powder is a corn starch formula designed to restore the soft feeling of the sleeve and must be purchased separately. Applying renewal powder after each wash will increase the lifetime of the toy, make it feel like new, prevent debris from sticking, and keep mold from growing on the toy. 

4. Learn to control the level of suction

On most Fleshlights, the suction can be increased or decreased by rotating the base of the Fleshlight. Rotate the base to the lowest level of suction to start. 

5. Warm up

You need to be erect or semi-erect to use the Fleshlight. Get turned on by watching porn, stimulating the tip of your penis, or exploring other activities that get you hard. 

6. Apply water-based lube

You need to use lube in order for a Fleshlight to work properly and be pleasurable. Apply your favorite water-based lube directly on your penis and squirt lube inside the opening of the Fleshlight. Do not use silicone or oil-based lube, as this can damage the flesh-like material of the toy. We recommend the Sliquid Naturals H2O

7. Glide your penis into the Fleshlight

One end of the Fleshlight will have an opening that looks like a vagina, mouth, or anus, or if you have a more discreet toy, it will simply have a hole. Once you’re turned on, slowly slide the tip of your penis into the opening. 

8. Slide your entire shaft in

Slowly glide your entire shaft into the Fleshlight so it reaches the base of your penis and see how it feels. Don’t put your balls inside the Fleshlight. If you prefer, you can focus on stimulating the head of your penis by only sliding the tip inside the toy. If the suction is too intense, loosen the knob. If you enjoy the sensation, keep going.

9. Slide the toy up and down your shaft

Mimic the feeling of penetration by sliding the toy up and down your shaft from the tip to the base. Play with the rhythm to see which speed you enjoy, as well as how deep you enjoy the penetration. 

10. Experiment with suction

You can experiment with the intensity of the toy by increasing the suction. Rotate the bottom of the Fleshlight so that it is on the tightest setting— this is the maximum suction the toy offers and will create a tighter fit on your penis.

11. Climax

Fleshlights are designed to allow you to easily climax inside the toy. After you cum, slide the toy off your penis. Remove the sleeve from the plastic casing by simply pulling the sleeve off the plastic mount, and rinse the case. Then, wash the sleeve by turning it inside out and cleaning with warm water. Don’t use soap, as it can degrade the sleeve, though feel free to use sex toy cleaner if you desire. Be sure to clean it thoroughly, so there is no residual cum. Pat the exterior of the sleeve dry with a towel, then turn it inside out and let the inside air dry. After it is completely dry, apply renewal powder to the inside and outside of the sleeve. 

5 bonus techniques to try using a Fleshlight 

Now that you know the basics, take playing with a Fleshlight to the next level. Here are a few techniques you can try to maximize pleasure while using a Fleshlight. 

1. Amp up the suction

Try increasing suction to the max level. This will make the toy wrap tighter around your penis, bringing the ribbed texture of the silky sleeve in closer.  If you’re using your Fleshlight with a partner, they can actually adjust the suction of the Fleshlight for you while gliding it up and down your penis. You can also try edging by increasing the suction, then backing off just as you’re about to climax. Keep repeating this pattern until you can’t handle it anymore. 

2.  Incorporate vibration

Select Fleshlights have a vibrating function that dramatically heightens the stimulation delivered by the toy. Vibration can increase the stimulation on the tip and shaft of your penis for more intense pleasure and orgasms. For a vibrating Fleshlight, we recommend the Fleshlight Vibro

3. Try hands-free play

While using your hands to glide the Fleshlight up and down your penis can be pleasurable, you can enhance stimulation with hands-free play by mounting the Fleshlight. This can get you even closer to the life-like feeling of penetrating a partner, and also give you the ability to use your hand in other places on your body. There are cushions designed specifically to hold a Fleshlight for hands-free use or mounts you can stick to the shower wall. You can also place the Fleshlight in pillows on your bed, and penetrate it, as though you’re on top in missionary position. 

4. Warm the Fleshlight for life-like penetration

Fleshlights are so popular because they mimic the sensation of oral, vaginal, or anal penetration. One way to make this toy feel even more life-like is by heating the Fleshlight to recreate the warmth felt when penetrating a partner. You can warm it by removing the sleeve from inside the plastic casing, and submerging the sleeve in a bowl of warm water for a few minutes or using a sleeve warmer designed specifically for heating a Fleshlight. Do not microwave your Fleshlight. 

How to use a Fleshlight with a partner

The options are nearly endless when it comes to how to use a Fleshlight with a partner. Here are four ideas to get your started, and positions to try it in. 

1. Give them control

Almost like they are giving you a handjob, have your partner glide the Fleshlight up and down your penis. They might even stimulate your balls or perineum (the area between your penis and anus) at the same time. 

2. Incorporate anal play for dual stimulation

Use the flashlight on your penis while a partner glides their finger around your anal opening or licks your anus. For something even more intense, have them play with anal beads, a butt plug, or prostate massager in your anus while you slide the Fleshlight on your penis. We recommend getting in a ‘doggy style’ position, allowing your partner easy access to your anus while you use the Fleshlight on yourself. 

3. Explore oral

Have your partner sit on your face and eat them out while you use the Fleshlight on your penis. This can even mimic the feeling of 69-ing. Alternatively, while you use the Fleshlight on your penis, your partner can give you a blowjob or rimjob. To best accomplish this, try laying on your back in a missionary position. Have your partner kneel at your face, with their knees on either side of your head. This gives you access to their genitals to eat them out or give them head while you easily control the Fleshlight on your penis. 

4. Penetrate the Fleshlight while your partner holds it.

Have your partner hold the Fleshlight while you slide your penis in and out of it. Consider incorporating power exchange play by letting your partner give you directions as to exactly how to use the Fleshlight while they hold it. They might deny you orgasms or restrict you from going fast or deep. 

To try this, have your partner sit in a chair holding the Fleshlight at the height of your hips. Stand in front of your partner facing them and glide your penis into the Fleshlight. This position gives you room to thrust your hips, while your partner holds the toy at the right height for you. You can even play with eye contact or look down at your penis sliding in and out of the toy with your partner’s face next to it.  

3 products to pair with your Fleshlight

Using a good water-based lube with a Fleshlight is a given, but there are plenty of other products that pair well with Fleshlights, too. Here are a few of our recommendations. 

We-Vibe Vector

While using your Fleshlight, try the  We-Vibe Vector  prostate massager for dual stimulation. If you’re playing with a partner, you can let them control the vibrations and intensity levels via the We-Vibe app. 

B-Vibe Triplet Anal Beads

For even more dual stimulation, try the B-Vibe Triplet Anal Beads. Slowly insert the beads in one by one and enjoy a feeling of “fullness” as you use your Fleshlight to stroke your penis. If you’re with a partner, have them slowly remove the beads from your ass just as you’re on the verge of climaxing. 

Nipple Play Nipplettes Clamp

The Nipple Play Nipplettes Clamp will intensify play, as many people can feel nipple stimulation in their genitals. Clamps work well with Fleshlights because they keep your hands free to control the Fleshlight.

The bottom line 

Fleshlights are used to make masturbation feel like real oral, anal, or vaginal sex, and can also be an exciting addition to partnered play. To find a fleshlight or another product to up your solo or partnered sex game, browse our curated catalog of pleasure products for penises.

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

Ella Dorval Hall (she/they) is a white, eating disorder recover-er, sex and pleasure educator. She's worked at a national sexual health organization, Healthy Teen Network, training educators how to teach evidence-based sex education curriculums. Ella now hosts workshops, writes, and does 1:1 education that brings people the information and skills they need to actually enjoy sex. You can find more of Ella’s work on Instagram @unlearnings3x.

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