For some, having sex in public can feel raunchy, dangerous, and sexy — even though (or especially because) there is the possibility of getting caught. According to Kate Balestieri, sex therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy, the attraction to public sex may have something to do with “becoming literal partners in crime together.”
“It’s against the rules, and with that comes the rush of getting away with something, having a secret,” she tells O.School. “Plus, some couples love the idea of being seen when they feel their sexiest. [They’re turned on by] being desired, or the thought that others may be jealous of them.”
There are plenty of reasons couples might want to get it on in public, including wanting the adrenaline rush that comes with the thrill, because they have exhibitionism fantasies, or just because they want to sexually explore something new. Your motivations might impact where you choose to experiment; for example, if you want to take the friskiness out of the bedroom, but fear of getting caught taints the fantasy, a more secluded place might be best for you.
There are plenty of ways to experiment with public sex safely and without exposing yourself completely. But before getting in on, make sure you’re prepared by knowing the potential risks, communicating thoroughly with your partner(s), and having any necessary items at the ready. Here are a few ways you can prepare yourself for public sex.
Know the risks
Inherently, public sex comes with risks that could bring some very unsexy outcomes. “Being seen or caught can lead to embarrassment, or even legal consequences,” Balestieri says. While you might find getting caught to be a turn on, the person who catches you may feel otherwise. Public indecency is a misdemeanor and nothing kills the mood faster than sirens and flashing red lights. For the most part, you can avoid the repercussions of actually being seen or caught by preparing thoroughly for outdoor play, keeping things semi-public, or even private-public.
Consider making a checklist
No matter where you choose to experiment, the safest way to enjoy some public sex is to think things through beforehand, instead of rushing headlong into the act. Consider this checklist of must-dos before you hit the road.
- Before things get hot and heavy, communicate with your partner about any public fantasies that excite you, and how to do them safely. Make a list together of places you might like to have sex, and make sure you’re in agreement before test driving any new fantasies.
- Plan to skip the undergarments and wear something loose that permits easier access. A skirt or sweat pants might be your go-to.
- Pack baby wipes or paper towels for a quick clean-up afterwards.
- Have a plan in place with your partner should something go wrong, or should one party become uncomfortable. If you’re someone who likes to make sure their ducks are in a row, there’s nothing wrong with scouting the location beforehand, especially if being familiar with the setting will make it easier for you to let loose in the moment.
Places to try public sex, from most risky to least
Depending on your motivation to try public sex, you may want to do it in a riskier location, or one where this is no chance of getting caught. Even if you’re trying a riskier location, however, it’s important to minimize the chances of being seen to avoid any public indecency. Here are a few suggestions to try.
Riskier (but still safe) options for public play
If you find the verge of getting caught to be incredibly erotic, you and a partner might be ready to roll the dice on one of these riskier options. Make sure you’re still practicing safety and have scoped out all possibilities before diving in. While these suggestions are risky, they can still be relatively safe in terms of not actually being caught.
- The ocean (or another body of water.) According to Balestieri, the ocean or a public lake can allow for some daring play where the sex act takes place underwater, just out of direct view.
- With a remote control vibrator. While it’s not quite “sex,” slipping a remote control vibrator into your underwear and handing your partner the remote can be a great way to turn up the heat in public. “It can be done anywhere that turns you on,” Balestieri says, “and doesn’t involve penetration or bodily contact.”
- A restaurant or bar bathroom. Doing the deed in a public restroom can certainly be risky, but choosing a restaurant or bar where the bathroom is down a hall or has a stall out of direct view can be a good option for a quickie. Try propping your leg up on the sink — as an added bonus, standing sex allows for deeper penetration, and can intensify the experience even further.
- Your car. When it comes to parking, go with where you’re most comfortable. You might be intrigued by an empty section of a shopping mall parking lot, or happy to try a romp in the backseat on a sidestreet with little to no foot traffic. To avoid too much exposure through the window, play under a blanket in the backseat, or wear a skirt or other-easy access clothing you don’t have to remove.
Semi-public places to try
Maybe you’re intrigued by public sex, but not quite ready for it in the public eye. If that’s the case, try out one of the following semi-public options
- The park. For couples interested in semi-public settings, Balestieri contends that a park or any wide expanse of land where people are unlikely to venture is a great option. Spread out a blanket for easy missionary, or have the receiving partner bend over against a tree for leverage. For extra coverage, try this behind a hedge or bushes that are difficult to see through.
- On a secluded trail. If you’re interested in the wilderness aspect of the park but still skeptical about having sex in a wide open, public space, your local hiking trails offer a more secluded, but still semi-public, alternative. Trek up into the thick of the trees and use them for a little cover. Time your hike during a less active time of year for more protection from being seen.
- At home, in front of the window. You can explore public sex from the safety of your own home. Open up the blinds and do it against the window. Both parties might feel more at ease inside, but you’ll still get that rush from inviting strangers to peer in.
Public sex, that isn’t actually in public
You don’t have to head out into the open or take any risks to have public sex. Here are a few ideas for those who want to take sex outside the bedroom, but are not interested in even the idea of being caught.
- Your backyard. If your yard has high fences or offers any privacy, you can experience the sensation of an outdoor hookup without taking chances.
- A sex or lifestyle event. A sex party may seem like the exact opposite of privacy, but as Balestieri points out, it’s worth considering for interested couples whose biggest hold-up is fear of being caught. “Everyone has consented to be there, and witnessing sex,” she says. “Couples can get the experience of being seen, feeling completely assured that there will not be any fallout with the law.”
- A rooftop deck. If you’re lucky enough to have rooftop access, bring a thick towel or yoga mat to the deck and enjoy some more risque sex with a view.
- In a tent while camping. A zipped up tent gives you plenty of coverage. There’s no chance of being seen unless you have a lamp inside to light up silhouettes. Some campsites may be too busy for your comfort, but if you’re camping on BLM land (Bureau of Land Management), you’ll more likely find a completely, or mostly, secluded part of a national or state park.
The bottom line
Whether you’re curious to dabble or an experienced exhibitionist, there’s a slew of places to try public sex that offer both excitement and safety. Remember that with each of these options, the amount of risk involved can be tailored to your needs. Keep an open dialogue with your partner about any hazards or uncertainties involved in public experimentation, and know that even if you had a hot encounter in the bar bathroom one day, it’s perfectly okay to take it back to the bedroom the next.