Sensuality & Arousal
September 24, 2019

How To Give An Erotic Massage

Do you want to wind down and get in the mood for sexy times? How about a sensual massage to calm the mind and arouse the body.
Written by
Micki Allen
Published on
September 24, 2019
Updated on
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The gift of touch is something that both partners can enjoy. A sensual massage may be given to your partner as a simple gift in and of itself – as in, “no strings attached, boo, just want to adore you and your bod" – or as a pre-show to a longer production. 

Not only does touch signal trust and affection to your partner, it also has the added benefit of releasing the neurochemical oxytocin – also sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” – which can actually strengthen the bonding experience of both partners. 

Pay close attention to the temperature of the room … Comfort is key.

However, a poorly delivered massage can garner a thumbs-down rating, so you may want to keep the following tips in mind to deliver a masterful massage performance and a memorable 5-star massage that is both relaxing and stimulating.

Getting The Right Massage Ambiance

Creating an environment conducive to comfort and relaxation is an absolute must to any good massage. 

Choosing Your Massage Venue 

While a bed may be the most comfortable place to have your partner recline, a full-length couch or futon will work just as well as long as the ambience is calm and pleasing. Some people find it hard to relax if they’re surrounded by chaos, so make sure the area is as clutter-free as possible.

Room Temperature 

Pay close attention to the temperature of the room. If it’s too hot, you’ll both likely end up sweating before the action begins - and not in a good way. If it’s too cold, your partner’s muscles will contract rather than relax. Comfort is key.

Mood Lighting 

Make sure the lighting is soft. You don’t need to run out to buy a dimmer switch for your lights, a simple bedside lamp works well (placed on the floor if it’s too bright by the bedside).

Candles are another perfect way to set the mood for massage. Not only may they offer a nice aroma to the room, the soft flicker of candles casts a lovely glow over both of you. Check out the benefits of massage candles below.

Relaxing Sounds 

You’ll want to do a sound check before the fun begins. This would include turning off cell phones. Some people may find the quiet sounds of a babbling brook or rain relaxing, but others may find them a tad too cheesy. 

Ambient music or soothing R&B may be a better choice, as long as you play something that you both find appealing. Whatever you decide on, like the lighting, you want the noise level to be soft and low. 

Massage Equipment And Supplies

These are the things you’ll want to have ready to go:

Get Your Hands Ready

The full and comfortable use of your hands is crucial to giving a sensual massage to your partner. So, you’ll want to make sure that you haven’t spent hours laboring in your local community garden right before a massage. 

Candles are another perfect way to set the mood for massage. 

One of the most often overlooked aspects of mastering a memorable massage is checking the state of your nails. By no means do you need to hit a salon for a top-dollar manicure. Simple personal grooming, like making sure your nails are neatly clipped, is really all that is necessary.     

Massage Tools 

Some people like to add a little variety to their basic massage by adding stone massagers (for deeper tissue stimulation) like the Contour Ceramic Massage Stone). You can get creative with light touches using ticklers or feathers to get their senses piqued before adding lubrication into the mix.

Massage Oils 

Using massage oils will lighten the friction between you and your partner in order to make for a more comfortable experience. Thankfully there is a wide variety of massage oils out there to choose from. Warming oils, cooling oils, edible oils, scented oils, and natural oils are all readily available. Touch Me Massage Oils come in a variety of fragrances that are sure to please. Silicone lube is also great for massage.

Massage Lotions 

If you’re not a big fan of using oils, massage lotions are great alternatives. They’re less likely to stain than oils; just keep in mind that lotions tend to absorb more quickly than oils and may need to be reapplied often. Knead Me Massage Lotion is designed for longer-lasting massage than standard lotions.  

Massage Candles 

Massage candles like Ignite Me Massage Candles act as fantastic multitaskers when it comes to sexy massages. Not only do they provide the perfect lighting and fragrance to your massage, they also provide the necessary lubrication as well. Win-win-win! 

Massage candles are soy-based candles that burn at lower temperatures to prevent burning the skin. You simply blow out the flame and drizzle the melted wax on your partner for a sensual massage. 


Protecting your bed or couch from oily spills is a good idea. A soft beach towel or bath sheet is preferred because it will provide a greater area of protection, but a bath towel or anything that covers your massage area will work. 

Silicone lube is also great for massage.

Of course, if your massage leads to sex there’s other protection you may want to consider too. The main thing to remember there is that massage oils will break down latex condoms and other barriers, so either use a silicone lube for massage oil, or make sure you have non-latex barriers on hand that will not be damaged by oils.

Best Sexy Massage Techniques

Whichever body part you are focussing on, be mindful of the pressure your hands are exerting and remember to check in with your partner for useful feedback. Try leaning in and whispering, “How does this feel?” 

Massage Touch And Pressure

Light, soft touches convey care to your partner, while stronger, deeper rubbing provides a feeling of security. Make sure that your hands are as flat as possible and that your fingers stay relaxed to protect your hands from cramping and fatigue. Using your lips to caress their skin can give your fingers a quick rest and can be arousing too. 

Massaging The Head And Face

It’s likely that your partner’s face, ears, and temples haven’t been given a lot of attention for quite some time. Use gentle, lingering touches in these areas. If you’re face-to-face, don’t be shy of a little eye contact. This assures your partner that you are interested in their pleasure and focused on them. 

The Neck And Shoulders 

Start under their ears and slide gently downwards. Deeper strokes using your thumbs and fingers along the neckline and shoulders are great for tension release.

Massaging The Arms And Hands 

Try massaging the muscles in their upper and lower arms, and then their hands and fingers. The center of a person’s palm are especially sensitive to touch. If you’re in the mood for a little dirty talk, while you lovingly caress their fingers you may mention, “Because I enjoy your fingers on my body, I want to show them some special attention.”  

Back Massage Techniques

When focusing on your partner’s back, the most comfortable position for you will be straddling them, seated on their ass, or hovering over it. Try long, firm strokes starting at their shoulders, down their back, and to their buttocks before using your fingernails or fingertips to lightly caress their sides on your way back up. This can send delicious tingles up their spine. Test out different strokes and pressure levels to see which work best for the both of you.

Massaging The Legs And Feet 

Some partners don’t like having their feet touched, so before pressing your way into that area, ask permission first. Some areas of the legs, like the inner thighs and the backs of knees, are super sensitive to sensual touch, so explore these areas and see how your partner responds. 

After Your Sexy Massage

Sexy massage is wonderful way to show your affection to your partner as well as bond with them emotionally and physically. After a nice massage session, take a little time to bask together in the atmosphere of calm and relaxation. 

You may want to cuddle for a little while or take a luxurious bath or warm shower together. Of course, you also may want to turn up the heat and progress to sex too, whatever you’re in the mood for!

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

Relationship coach and sex educator Micki Allen bases her work both in sexual technique and Christian values of love, joy, and grace. Micki helps women and genderqueer people enrich their intimate lives and identify needs and boundaries; as a minister, she also assists clients with healing from religious shame and trauma. @themickiallen

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