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The Quickie
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Some people with vulvas are lucky. They never had to hunt for their clit, and instead feel like they’ve always just known where it is. But for others, it can take time and effort to find it—and that’s OK, too! And looking for your partner’s clit when you don’t have the same anatomy can make this powerhouse pleasure-button even trickier to track down. Happily, as far as search expeditions go, this is a decidedly fun one...

When it comes to zeroing in on the clit, there are generally three main options. The first is using a mirror to look at the vulva and locate the clitoris visually. Other people feel around with their fingertips to locate the clitoral head by touching it. Finally, some people take time to stroke their genitals, paying attention to sensation and looking for the most sensitive area.

No matter the route you decide to go, here are all the details for searching success:

What To Look For

The head of the clitoris looks like an oval-shaped bump that sits at the front of the vulva, about one to two inches up from the vagina. The size of the head of the clitoris varies for different people, but you’re looking for something that’s approximately pea-sized. The head of the clit is covered by a piece of skin called the clitorial hood, so to get a full visual, you may need to gently pull the skin back. Placing your hand on the pubic bone and gently pulling the skin up is a good way to expose the head of the clit. When you do this, you may see on the underside of the head an upside-down “V”-shaped area, which is a piece of connective tissue called the frenulum.

The clitoris, vulva, labia, vagina and pubic bone
The size of the head of the clitoris varies for different people, but you’re looking for something that’s approximately pea-sized.

This pea-sized nub and its underside, however, are just the parts of the clit that you can see. The clitoris has a much larger internal structure that swells when it becomes aroused. That said, the head is the most sensitive part, and where most people focus their stimulation.

What To Feel For

If you are feeling around for the clit with your hands: start by placing a fingertip just under the belly button, and running the finger straight down the abdomen and over the pubic mound (where hair grows) until you reach the soft skin just under the pubic bone (where hair doesn’t grow). If you press this area gently with your fingertip you may feel a line of tissue running up and down under the skin, which is the shaft of the clitoris. The skin you’re feeling is the clitoral hood. The head of the clit is a little further down, underneath this skin. Use one of your fingers to gently draw this skin upwards, and use another finger to feel for the head of the clit. Depending upon your particular clit size, you may feel a prominent bump, or you may not feel any bump at all. But either way, be gentle: this area can be very sensitive, especially with the clitoral hood pulled back! Use a soft touch and put some lube on your finger to keep it comfortable.

Depending upon your particular clit size, you may feel a prominent bump, or you may not feel any bump at all.

What Sensations To Pay Attention To

If you are stroking the vulva to find the clit by sensation, there are a number of techniques you can try:

  • You can place a pillow on the bed and rub your vulva up against it.
  • You can use your hand to caress your vulva, stroking with a harder or softer pressure in different spots to explore the different sensations.
  • You can use a vibrator to see which parts respond best to vibration.

What will it feel like when you’re successfully stimulating the clitoris? It may feel highly sensitive (though not for everyone); it might be concentrated or focused in a specific area; it may feel a bit weird at first; or it might feel really good and make you want to keep going! Because the head can be so sensitive, it can feel uncomfortable, or even painful, if you touch it too hard, too directly, or if there is too much friction. If this is the case for you, try touching around—rather than directly on—the most sensitive area and see if that is more comfortable. Be sure to use gentle pressure, as well as lube or saliva, to reduce friction.

Happy exploring!

Related Articles:

O.riginal: The Clitoris

What Is The Clit?

What is your Vulva? What are the Parts of a Vagina?

Types of Orgasms: Clit Orgasm vs G-Spot Orgasm

Eating Pussy Tips

Best Masturbation Techniques for Clitoral Orgasm

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So, up here is kind of, there's a little, maybe a little shaft of the clitoris. So this can be a bunch of different sizes, too. Some people maybe the clitoris really only does stick out a little bit, and that's totally fine. Some people, it may be a little larger or hang a little lower, and that's fine too. Everyone's bodies are really different. So, the clitoris, it usually feels quite nice if someone were to stimulate this area. Sometimes on one side, or more than the other may be true too. And that is so fun to figure out. If people just experiment with what feels good they're able to communicate that more. It's important that when people are trying to figure out what feels good for them, that they really try and pay attention because then they can better communicate to partners if they're having trouble with that. Or, they just can have awesome sex with themselves which is a whole 'nother thing that some people like to do.

Is Period Sex OK?

Is it ok to have sex on your period? It sure is! So if you want to, go for it. Read on for tips on comfort, pleasure, and mess management.

Fact No. 1
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The Quickie
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It seems like menstruation is slowly becoming more talked about and normalized. It’s about time! Most people with a uterus menstruate at some point in their lives, so why not discuss it? The days of being embarrassed to buy tampons and pads are over. Now there are many more choices like cups and sponges and everything in an abundance of sizes and styles.  

Sex On Your Period Is A-Okay!

Speaking of choice, it’s high time we discussed period sex. Here’s the bottom line, if you want to have period sex, there is no reason not to. If you don’t want to, well then don’t. If you might want to but have some questions, then read on.

If you want to have period sex, there is no reason not to. If you don’t want to, well then don’t.

It’s a lot more fun talking about sex than about cramps, and some people’s libidos are super charged during period days so wanting to have sex while you’re menstruating is a common thing. If this is you, go for it with a few tips on communication, safety and, of course, pleasure.

Start By Discussing Period Sex With Your Partner

Let’s say either you, or your partner, wants to try period sex. Anytime you want to try something new in the bedroom, it’s a good idea to begin with a conversation. Don’t assume - discuss!

Be kind and always talk about how you feel, not how your partner should feel. Listen. If you just quiet down and listen, you’ll be surprised at how much information you are able to receive from your partner.

What Sort Of Period Sex Are You Comfortable With?

Decide on your comfort levels for period sex. Just touching, yes or no to oral, penetration with fingers, or with a toy or penis? Then you have a guide and you will be able to push the envelope through agreement and not surprise.

Safer Sex When Menstruating

Just like other body fluids, your menstrual blood will carry STI’s. It’s always a good idea to make sure you and your partner have been tested. During your period your cervix is higher and more open, so bacteria flows more freely.

Decide on your comfort levels for period sex. Just touching, yes or no to oral, penetration with fingers, or with a toy or penis?

Condoms are still the most effective way to prevent STI’s from spreading. And, yes you can get pregnant during your period, so you should still consider using birth control.

Why Am I Horny When I’m On My Period Anyway?

Remember, it’s normal to feel extra horny after you begin menstruating. Progesterone, which has been building up to help fertilize an egg, is at a low point when you don’t need to fertilize that egg and you get your period. Progesterone lowers libido so your libido builds when progesterone is low. It’s science.

Estrogen and testosterone will soon kick in and put your libido at its high point around week two of your cycle. That’s when you’re most likely to conceive. Get it?

How To Deal With The Blood During Period Sex

Worried about the blood? Did you know that during your entire period, you only release 3-4 tablespoons of blood? It doesn’t all come out during sex either.

During that communication part you may find that neither of you are really bothered by the blood and you’ll both enjoy the added lubrication from more fluids in your vagina. In which case, just put a dark towel underneath you and go for it.

Or, if you want an easier clean up, shower sex is a great option! Let the blood wash straight off down the drain.

Just put a dark towel underneath you and go for it... Or, if you want an easier clean up, shower sex is a great option!

Still not convinced but want to try? Using a menstrual disc or a sponge that sits up high, closer to your cervix, will absorb most of the blood before it flows out of you. These methods are different from a tampon FYI - you do not want to leave a tampon in during penetration! A tampon is great for external play or oral sex though.

Best Sex Positions When On Your Period

Try out different positions to see what feels best when you have your period. Since your cervix moves up a little bit higher during menstruation, the feelings may be different. If doggie style is normally painful, it may not be because of the extra lubrication and higher cervix. Also, missionary style or anything where you’re on your back will result in less blood on the sheets.

Orgasms Can Help Ease Cramps!

There is no biological reason to avoid sex during menstruation. In fact, if you have cramps, sex may be just the thing to lessen them since orgasms release endorphins and help to relax the uterus. Period sex may be a whole new adventure for you. Remember to stay safe, try different positions and use a dark colored towel. The rest is just another sexy exploration. Enjoy!

Related Articles:

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I Want Sex! How To Get The Pleasure You Desire

References

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