How To Talk To Your Partner About Watching Porn Together

So you like porn. You are not alone. Watching porn with your partner can be hot and a great way to explore a fantasy together, but are they into it? Here’s how to start the conversation.

How To Talk To Your Partner About Watching Porn Together

How To Talk To Your Partner About Watching Porn Together

How To Talk To Your Partner About Watching Porn Together

Updated
September 19, 2019
Medically Reviewed by
5 minute read

So you like porn—you’re not the only one! Porn is an enjoyable addition to masturbation or partnered sex for many, many people. And with good reason! With so many different genres, performers, and clips available, the varieties are seemingly endless, and cater to interests of all stripes.

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Watching porn with a partner can be a hot way to connect and explore fantasies together.

If there’s a certain sex act or kind of person that turns you on, there are probably porn vids out there that feature all of it and then some—and there’s no problem with poking around to see what kinds of things you enjoy watching solo or as a couple! Just as there’s no one right way to have sex, there’s no one right way to watch porn.

Watching Porn With Your Partner

Watching porn with a partner can be a hot way to connect and explore fantasies together. Just be sure to talk to your partner about their preferences and feelings about it before you hit the on button. Not everyone is interested in porn, and not everyone is open to watching porn together with their partner. Be ready to respect their wishes and accept a “no” if it’s not their idea of fun.

How Do I Bring Up Porn With My Partner?

Once you’ve decided you want to talk about porn with your partner, you’ll need to consider how to bring it up with them. Here are three communication tips for how to open up the discussion and see if your partner’s onboard:

1. Pick A Low Pressure Moment

Bring it up when you’re in a neutral context, not when you’re getting sexy: maybe over a coffee or in the car. You might consider starting off with something like:

“I’m wondering how you feel about watching porn together. I thought it could be hot to watch some together sometime. Do you think you’d be into trying that?”

2.  Clarify What You’re Proposing

When you ask your partner if they’re interested in watching porn with you, a number of concerns or questions might pop into their mind: They might worry you want to watch anything and everything, or a genre that they find distasteful. It can be helpful to specify the types of porn you’re interested in watching together.

“Would you be interested in watching porn together sometime? Maybe some stuff that’s made for couples? We can choose the clips together of course!”

3. Understand That Porn Is An Add-On—Not A Replacement

It’s important that your partner knows you’re interested in watching porn together as an fun addition to your sex life, rather than because you don’t find them attractive or exciting anymore.

“Do you think you’d be into watching porn together with me? It could be fun to do occasionally I think. I’m super into you and the sex we have, but I think this could be a way to mix things up a bit sometimes.”

However the conversation goes, make sure you listen to your partner and respect their wishes. If they wondered why it took you so long to ask then that’s great—you’re on the same page! If they’re open to trying it out, then cool—you can start looking for videos that you’re both into. If it’s not their cup of tea you might feel disappointed, but you can still enjoy playing with toys or trying out dirty talk if your partner is open to that instead.

The Difference Between Porn Sex And IRL Sex

Watching pornography can be a pleasurable way to explore your fantasies with your partner (or alone of course!). That said, it’s important to note that porn doesn't offer a realistic depiction of sex. Instead, porn offers a fantastical portrayal of what human bodies can do physically and sexually; porn performers are professional sexual athletes!

This can be exciting because you can vicariously enjoy situations that could never happen in real life. It can be a problem, however, if you’re looking to porn for pointers on how, exactly, you’re supposed to have sex.

Porn doesn't offer a realistic depiction of sex. Instead, porn offers a fantastical portrayal of what human bodies can do physically and sexually; porn performers are professional sexual athletes!

Mainstream porn differs from the real world in that it rarely—if ever—touches on the topics of consent and STI prevention, which are absolutely critical matters to discuss when you’re having sex in real life. Mainstream porn is also unrealistic in that it often shows sex from a man’s point of view, with a very narrow vision of what human bodies look like. This narrow view ignores the vast diversity of people and sexual preferences that exist in the world.  

That said, just because a lot of porn isn’t realistic and doesn’t reflect the diversity of lived experiences, that doesn’t mean that all porn is bad or dirty or wrong. It’s okay to enjoy a fantasy film about dragons and wizards, and it’s okay to enjoy a fantasy porn film about people who can perform gravity-defying acts of sexuality.

Importantly, if you know where to look you can find plenty of porn that features folks of all genders, races, abilities, and ethnicities having all kinds of sex, and it can be fun to search for these options. When used in a consensual way, pornography can heighten your sexual experiences and allow you to connect with yourself or a partner.

O.team

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

The O.school team is here to provide you with the most medically-accurate information around sex, sexual wellness, pleasure, relationships, and dating. Every article we publish is vetted by our medical review board, ensuring that readers are provided with answers you can trust.

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