Why Is My Vagina Dry?
You’re turned on, so why aren’t you getting wet down there?
You’re kissing, you’re touching each other’s bodies, it’s feeling good, clothes are coming off, their hand goes down between your legs, and... wait, you can feel from their touch that you’re not wet down there. You’re starting to feel a bit self-conscious. Their hand comes back up. “OK, it’s no big deal,” you tell yourself. You just need more time kissing and touching, more warming up before your pussy gets onboard. A few minutes later you’re feeling good, their hand goes back down, and... sigh, you’re still not wet like you want to be. What’s going on?
Not getting wet can be really frustrating. You just want to dive into the action, but touch and penetration are uncomfortable when you’re not wet. Not to mention, you don’t want your lover’s feelings to be hurt with them thinking they’re doing something wrong—or, worse yet, that you’re not into them. All in all, vaginal dryness can be a real buzzkill.
Not getting wet can be really frustrating.
But it doesn’t have to be. Understanding why you don’t always get wet when you want to (and making sure you have a good lube onhand), will keep things smooth and sexy not only between your legs, but also between you and your partner.
While there is a range of possible reasons for vaginal dryness, here are four of the most common:
Hormonal Changes Can Cause Vaginal Dryness
During the menstrual cycle hormone levels change, so sometimes it’s easier to get wet (like when you’re ovulating) and sometimes it’s more difficult (like just before your period). Hormone changes also make it hard to get wet for menopausal women, and for trans men who are taking testosterone. The best solution is to keep a bottle of your favorite lube on hand so you can splash on as much as you need.
A Lack Of Warm-up Can Prevent You From Getting Wet
Even if you’re enjoying kissing, touching, laughing, and flirting, your body may not have had enough time to catch up to your brain. Sometimes it can take awhile for your body to respond to your actions and mindset. Take your time. Try some teasing vulva touch through clothing to help warm up down there. Dip your fingers into your vagina to draw wetness towards your clit. There’s no standard time for how long it takes to get wet, so be patient with your body.
There’s no standard time for how long it takes to get wet, so be patient with your body.
Mental Distraction Can Prevent Arousal
For some people, if your mind is not totally onboard, it can be hard for your body to be onboard, too. You might be interested in sex, but if you’re also distracted thinking about an assignment, a work deadline, or an argument you had with a friend, your body might not get wet like you want it to. Try to focus on the sensations and being with your partner. If there is something on your mind, take a break to talk about it if you need to. Clearing the mind of distractions can help you relax and allow your body to get aroused.
Sometimes You Just Run Out Of Lubrication
You were wet at first, but you’ve been at it awhile and you’re starting to feel friction down there—ouch! Even if you are getting wet, your vagina may not be able to keep up with the amount of lubrication needed to keep you comfortable, especially if you’re using condoms. Grab a bottle of lube and keep on going.
Focus on the sensations and being with your partner.
When It Comes To Vaginal Dryness, Lube Is Your Friend!
Whatever the reason for a less-wet-than-ideal pussy, lube is here to help. Everyone’s level of natural lubrication is different, and there is absolutely no shame in using lube—whether that’s only occasionally, or every time you’re getting sexy with yourself or someone else. Having a good lubricant will only ever make your sex life slipperier, safer, and more enjoyable. Learn more about lube and how to choose one that is right for you.
Myths and facts
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Is Period Sex OK?
Is it ok to have sex on your period? It sure is! So if you want to, go for it. Read on for tips on comfort, pleasure, and mess management.
It seems like menstruation is slowly becoming more talked about and normalized. It’s about time! Most people with a uterus menstruate at some point in their lives, so why not discuss it? The days of being embarrassed to buy tampons and pads are over. Now there are many more choices like cups and sponges and everything in an abundance of sizes and styles.
Sex On Your Period Is A-Okay!
Speaking of choice, it’s high time we discussed period sex. Here’s the bottom line, if you want to have period sex, there is no reason not to. If you don’t want to, well then don’t. If you might want to but have some questions, then read on.
If you want to have period sex, there is no reason not to. If you don’t want to, well then don’t.
It’s a lot more fun talking about sex than about cramps, and some people’s libidos are super charged during period days so wanting to have sex while you’re menstruating is a common thing. If this is you, go for it with a few tips on communication, safety and, of course, pleasure.
Start By Discussing Period Sex With Your Partner
Let’s say either you, or your partner, wants to try period sex. Anytime you want to try something new in the bedroom, it’s a good idea to begin with a conversation. Don’t assume - discuss!
Be kind and always talk about how you feel, not how your partner should feel. Listen. If you just quiet down and listen, you’ll be surprised at how much information you are able to receive from your partner.
What Sort Of Period Sex Are You Comfortable With?
Decide on your comfort levels for period sex. Just touching, yes or no to oral, penetration with fingers, or with a toy or penis? Then you have a guide and you will be able to push the envelope through agreement and not surprise.
Safer Sex When Menstruating
Just like other body fluids, your menstrual blood will carry STI’s. It’s always a good idea to make sure you and your partner have been tested. During your period your cervix is higher and more open, so bacteria flows more freely.
Decide on your comfort levels for period sex. Just touching, yes or no to oral, penetration with fingers, or with a toy or penis?
Why Am I Horny When I’m On My Period Anyway?
Remember, it’s normal to feel extra horny after you begin menstruating. Progesterone, which has been building up to help fertilize an egg, is at a low point when you don’t need to fertilize that egg and you get your period. Progesterone lowers libido so your libido builds when progesterone is low. It’s science.
Estrogen and testosterone will soon kick in and put your libido at its high point around week two of your cycle. That’s when you’re most likely to conceive. Get it?
How To Deal With The Blood During Period Sex
Worried about the blood? Did you know that during your entire period, you only release 3-4 tablespoons of blood? It doesn’t all come out during sex either.
During that communication part you may find that neither of you are really bothered by the blood and you’ll both enjoy the added lubrication from more fluids in your vagina. In which case, just put a dark towel underneath you and go for it.
Or, if you want an easier clean up, shower sex is a great option! Let the blood wash straight off down the drain.
Just put a dark towel underneath you and go for it... Or, if you want an easier clean up, shower sex is a great option!
Still not convinced but want to try? Using a menstrual disc or a sponge that sits up high, closer to your cervix, will absorb most of the blood before it flows out of you. These methods are different from a tampon FYI - you do not want to leave a tampon in during penetration! A tampon is great for external play or oral sex though.
Best Sex Positions When On Your Period
Try out different positions to see what feels best when you have your period. Since your cervix moves up a little bit higher during menstruation, the feelings may be different. If doggie style is normally painful, it may not be because of the extra lubrication and higher cervix. Also, missionary style or anything where you’re on your back will result in less blood on the sheets.
Orgasms Can Help Ease Cramps!
There is no biological reason to avoid sex during menstruation. In fact, if you have cramps, sex may be just the thing to lessen them since orgasms release endorphins and help to relax the uterus. Period sex may be a whole new adventure for you. Remember to stay safe, try different positions and use a dark colored towel. The rest is just another sexy exploration. Enjoy!