What’s The Deal With Spanking?

What is erotic spanking—and why do people enjoy it? We’ve got the lowdown on sexy (and consensual!) smacks.

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Spanking is a consensual and fun way to play with your partner. In erotic spanking, striking a partner’s butt isn’t used as a real punishment, but as an enjoyable part of sex. Some people enjoy spanking for the sensations, some people enjoy it for the power dynamic, and some enjoy it for both of these reasons!

How Does Spanking Work?

Spanking is a type of “impact play”: Sexual play that involves striking another person with the hand or with an object like a paddle or flogger. When engaging in spanking, one person takes the dominant role as the ‘spanker’, while the other person takes the submissive role as the ‘spankee’. The spankee may be standing bent forward with the spanker striking their butt from behind, or the spankee may be lying on a piece of furniture, or over the spanker’s knee.

Some people enjoy spanking for the sensations, some people enjoy it for the power dynamic, and some enjoy it for both these reasons!

There are few different ways to include spanking in your sexual play. Some people prefer to receive light taps on their buttocks, while others prefer hits that are hard enough to leave a handprint. No one way is correct—you should do only what is consensually agreed upon between adults.

Consent Is Crucial

When done right, spanking can be enjoyed by all parties involved. For everyone to have a good time it’s important to practice consent. Since spanking involves hitting another person it is especially important that everyone is clear on what kind of impact will be hot and fun, and what is off limits.

Before you engage in spanking discuss with your partner what you do and don’t want to happen. Make agreements so that you can both feel safe and happy in the moment, assured that the play will stay within the limits everyone is comfortable with.

Before You Start Spanking

When figuring out how to engage safely in spanking, you and your partner should discuss how hard the spanking should be, how long it should last, where exactly on the body the receiver likes to be spanked, and what verbal and body language cues can be given to stop the spanking immediately. Consider these questions:

Questions To Ask If You Want To Get Spanked:

  • Is your partner willing to spank you?
  • Do you want to be spanked through your clothes or on your bare butt?
  • How hard would you like it?
  • How long do you want it to last for?
  • Is there a part of your butt (or other body parts) you want the spanking to focus on?
  • Is there a part of your butt (or other body parts) you don’t want to be spanked?
  • How will you let your partner know when you want to stop?

Questions To Ask If You Want To Spank Your Partner:

  • Does your partner want to be spanked?
  • How hard are you comfortable striking your partner?
  • Where will you be hitting? What part of their butt?
  • What verbal or physical cues will your partner give you when they want to stop?
  • How will you let your partner know you’re ready to stop spanking them?

Once everyone is on the same page about needs and desires, let the spanking begin!

Related Articles:

How To Do Bondage For Beginners

What Is Sensation Play?

What Are Consent Skills?

How To Talk Dirty

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Video transcript

You've heard of Fifty Shades of Grey or maybe you read the book or maybe you've seen the movie and you're wondering what exactly is BDSM? BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. These are a bunch of fancy words to just mean kink. Kink covers everything from masturbating with your partner to spanking, bondage, to caning and heavy whipping and scary things that may not be your thing, but maybe they are. See, kink means different things to different people. And there is no right. There's only what's right for you.