Vagina Too Large? Boobs Too Small? How to Overcome Body Insecurities

If you’re not sure if your vagina is normal, or are insecure about other female body parts, we’re here to help.

Vagina Too Large? Boobs Too Small? How to Overcome Body Insecurities

Vagina Too Large? Boobs Too Small? How to Overcome Body Insecurities

Vagina Too Large? Boobs Too Small? How to Overcome Body Insecurities

9 minutes

If you’re self-conscious about your vagina or other body parts, you are not alone. The unfortunate reality is that a majority of people with female bodies deal with some form of insecurity. California-based psychologist Linda Baggett tells O.school that if you’re struggling with shame about your body parts, make sure you aren’t basing your impression of what’s “normal” on others. “Anytime people are exposed to such a narrow range of what is presented as ‘attractive,’ it makes it harder to feel that other types of bodily appearance are as valuable.” Exposing yourself to diverse body types is very important to develop a healthy body image, Dr. Baggett asserts.

If you feel like you’ve already taken this step, and still struggle with the way specific body parts look or feel, here’s some information to ease some common insecurities you may have. 

I Have A Large Vagina

If you think your vagina is too big, or that it might be an “outie vagina,” never fear: this is completely normal. Every vulva is different, and this refers to shape, size, and appearance. All variations are considered “ordinary.” 

“People are regularly given the message, from the time we are young, that our vulvas and vaginas are gross, smelly, weird, etc,” Dr. Baggett tells O.school. “This can lead to body image concerns about genitals specifically, even when the person otherwise feels okay about their body. I cannot tell you how many people are convinced that they are too smelly, too hairy, etc., when in reality their genitals are totally normal.”

If you still have questions about the size of your vagina, there are plenty of places to turn. Do some investigating into the many different appearances and colors vaginas can take on, or check out The Labia Library. Women’s Health Victoria developed this resource to bust some myths about the typical vagina. A bit of browsing is sure to ease worries about your vagina’s makeup.

My Boobs Are Too Small

It’s a common misconception that the larger your breasts, the more attractive you are. Dr. Baggett attributes this to the narrow media portrayal of bodies shown with respect to size and shape. Although, she says, the wide representation of breasts is skewed, due to the fact that many of the women we typically see in the media have undergone breast augmentation.

If you’re concerned about small breasts, Dana McNeil, founder of San Diego’s The Relationship Place, says to remind yourself that your body is your body and the sizes of various features are what they are. There is really no way to sugarcoat it.

“A person can try plastic surgery… to change those body parts that really cause distress. However, what generally causes people the most emotional distress is comparing themselves to other people,” she tells O.school. “This will always lead to more body insecurities. The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself. Give yourself permission to give your obsessive thoughts a break.”

My Boobs Are Too Big

If you’re stressing about larger breasts, keep in mind that the average bra size in the U.S. is a 34DD. It’s perfectly normal to have bigger breasts! If you’re still concerned, take steps to feel your most confident with your chest. This could include dressing for success by investing in the right bras, making sure your breasts are comfortably supported. It could also include familiarizing yourself with how to give and receive pleasure for bigger boobs.

Dr. Baggett says that’s it key to realize that for any body variation, you may have people out there who love it. There are people that prefer big boobs, she tells us, but most people don’t care how your chest is shaped.

I’m Too Curvy

In a recent study by Psychology Today, 56 percent of women reported that they are dissatisfied with their overall appearance. Sixty-six percent of these women cited body weight as the cause of their self-disparagement. In the same study, 52 percent of men expressed dissatisfaction with their weight. For both genders, this is the majority. Plenty of people struggle with their curves.

As mentioned, societal expectations for the perfect body are warped, and what we see on TV is not always representative of what is healthy for us. McNeil remarks that if you’re insecure about your shape, remember that confidence and ownership of who you are is actually sexy. If you’re in a relationship, your partner will agree.

“If you are providing your partner pleasure, I guarantee you, they are enjoying the pleasure and not getting caught up on the extra inch you have around your thigh,” says McNeil. 

My Body Insecurities Stem From A Trauma

Body image and intimacy are incredibly vulnerable areas, and if you have experienced emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, it could threaten a healthy understanding of one or both. You’ve taken a critical step by acknowledging that your body insecurity may be related to a past trauma, and there are a variety of ways to seek help. Clinical psychologist Daniel Sher tells and Dr. Baggett both emphasize the value of therapy in instances like this.

“It's hard to be able to objectively view and identify your own thoughts, feelings, and the tangled relationships between them and your experiences,” Dr. Baggett explains. “Therapy is really effective at helping you untangle this. You will need to learn how to recognize in the moment that these negative feelings are being triggered, label them, and challenge the thinking underlying them by reminding yourself you are safe and loved, reminding yourself of the differences between your current partner/relationship and the traumatic one, and then practicing mindfulness to re engage in the present moment of intimacy and move away from where your thoughts took you.”

If therapy is not an option for you, or if you would not feel comfortable pursuing it, there are ways to combat these issues from home. “One of the techniques that work for some people is to have a tangible, physical token that they can touch and feel to remind them that the kid, teacher, or parent who used to abuse them is no longer in control of how they feel about themselves,” McNeil says. “For example, you may now be the manager of a company or a supervisor to employees. Using something like your nameplate with your name and title engraved on it is a good grounding tool. It brings you into the now and is a solid reminder that you are not the scared and insecure person you used to be. That person doesn’t live with you anymore. You are in charge, resilient, and get to decide how you feel about yourself moving forward in life.”

Resources to combat body insecurities.

There are plenty of easy resources at your fingertips if you’re looking to ingrain positive body talk into your everyday life. Dr. Baggett suggests starting with curating your social media feed to cut out content that triggers insecurities or prompts unhealthy, comparative thoughts. Consider replacing content that enforces an unrealistic body image with pages like Matt McGorry’s, that share posts addressing and normalizing issues. There are plenty of body positive Instagrams to follow if you’re looking to flood your feed with reasons to be empowered. Thrive Psychology, the account of Dr. Baggett’s practice, is another body image and sexuality focused account to consider. There are a host of podcast episodes on this topic to give a listen if you’re feeling down on your body. Dr. Baggett recommends Dietitians Unplugged, or one of Food Psych’s sexuality-focused episodes.

“This is such a universal experience that I would encourage folks to open up to trusted friends about it,” she tells O.school in closing. “It's likely their friend also feels the same way, at least to a certain extent. It's easy to assume you're the only one feeling this way, but so many people do, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.”

Dr. Sher says that in considering cures to your body image woes, sometimes being educated is not enough. It’s important to recognize when seeking help might be a critical step to dealing with your insecurities and unlocking a healthier mindset. 

“If you feel insecure about a part of your body, it’s possible that this is an expression of a deeper sense of inadequacy that you carry,” he tells O.school. “Often, this is a belief that gets implanted early on in life. If you body image concerns are really interfering with your wellbeing and relationships, it may be worth speaking to a clinical psychologist in order to get the right support.”

Elizabeth Kirkhorn

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

Elizabeth is a graduate student from New York, New York. She writes personal essays about identity, womanhood, and love.

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