Sexting, whether you’re sending sensual messages or sending photos of yourself, can be a fun way to get in the mood and create anticipation. Sexting is a creative form of digital play that can aid in promoting sexual satisfaction in relationships — it can be fun, funny, sexy, steamy, and hot all at once, but, as with most sexual activities, it doesn’t always come naturally. If you are new to sexting (or feel awkward about — it happens and it’s totally okay to feel that way!), it can feel like completely unknown territory, but with a little practice, you can become a sexting pro.
Before getting to work on your sexting skills, always make sure your advances (via phone or anywhere else), are wanted. Confirm that the receiver is comfortable with this form of communication, and be clear that they can change their mind at any point. You may also want to discuss boundaries. For example, your partner might be okay with pics of certain body parts, but not others. They may be okay with receiving photos, but not with being asked to send them in return. You can ask what words they prefer for their genitals. For example, some people prefer the word “cunt,” while others like “pussy.” Some people are super turned on by the word “cock,” and others not so much. If your partner is trans, asking about preferred language is especially important to avoid misgendering them. While conversations around consent, boundaries, and language may look and sound differently depending on who is involved, it should always be a priority before the sexting action begins.
So, what happens after you’ve both agreed to sext and are feeling excited about it? What do you say? How do you say it? How do you avoid being goofy when you want to be sexy? Well, the first thing to do is to remember to have fun with it and to experiment with different things. It might be a bit of a trial and error process at first, but we have a few ideas to get you started.
- Remind your partner of an earlier sexual experience you enjoyed.
Example: Last night was so amazing. I loved when you played with my ________. It felt so good.
- Ask your partner for an example of something that turns them on.
Example: I love hearing what turns you on, can you tell me one of your fantasies?
- Show your partner a place on your body that tingles for their touch.
Example: My ______ really wants to be touched by you tonight.
- Share a particular song that puts you in the mood.
Example: Guess what I’m listening to right now? “_________.” It’s really turning me on right now.
- Encourage your partner to try something entirely new in the bedroom.
Example: Do you want to try ________? It could be really fun and hot for both of us.
- Ask your partner for examples of what makes them feel really desirable.
Example: I want to make sure I give you all of the right attention. How do you like to be turned on?
- Let your partner know you are looking forward to physical affection with them.
Example: I can’t stop watching the clock... work is going by really slowly and all I can think about is being with you later tonight.
- Ask your partner to share a porn scene they enjoyed and why that turns them on.
Example: Is there a porn scene you fantasize about? Do you want to send it to me? Maybe we can recreate it later. ;)
- Tell your partner how much you enjoy seeing their facial expression as they climax.
Example: I loved watching you orgasm last night, that was such a turn-on.
- Share an article that provides some fresh ideas for your sex life.
Example: I just read this article from O.school on ______, tip #7 sounds super wild!
- Take a selfie and caption it with what sexual act you want your partner to perform!
Example: I want you to ____to this photo of me.
- Mention a particular item of clothing your partner wears that really turns you on.
Example: That old AC/DC T-shirt you wear to bed at night? So. Hot. I want to jump your bones every time you wear it.
- Make plans for a meal you want to share before proceeding to the bedroom.
Example: After I make us pasta, I’m going to make you come.
- Ask your partner if they have ever thought about someone else joining in your sex life.
Example: Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we got to spend the night together with ____?
- Surprise your partner with an enticing invitation for a sexual act you know they enjoy.
Example: I want to go down on you for as long as you want.
- Compliment your partner on how their personality helps you connect sexually with them.
Example: It’s so sexy watching you be so ______ in _______ situations.
- Tell your partner how much they regularly arouse you with a particular gesture they make.
Example: The look on your face after you cum drives me crazy, and I just can’t wait for round 2.
- Let your partner know exactly what you were thinking of them doing when masturbating.
Example: I always picture you ____ whenever I’m touching myself. It gets me so close every time.
- Ask your partner for their best memory of when you last engaged in sexual activity together.
Example: I want to hear you tell me all about the last time we hooked up, it was so hot and I don’t ever want to forget the details.
- Share a sex toy that made you think of your partner with plans for your next time together.
Example: I saw nipple clamps online, and it made me think we might want to try them the next time we get together… ;)
- Bring up new locations you want to do it in.
Example: Want to try fucking at/in _____? I can already picture it, can you?
- Tell your partner a sexy statement or sound they made that you find particularly irresistible.
Example: I love when you laugh on the phone. It’s so sexy, I want to have you right then and there.
- Tempt your partner by explicitly telling them what you are or are not wearing.
Example: I’m at work and I’m not wearing any underwear at all. And...I’m wearing a skirt. Meet you at my house at 5?
- Share something on TV that prompted what you want to do the next time you see your partner.
Example: Did you see the pegging episode in Broad City? Maybe we should try that this weekend…
- Try a more dominant or submissive approach to how you usually tell your partner you want them.
Example: I don’t think we will even make it to the bedroom, I want to fuck you right in your doorway as soon as I get there -or- I want to do whatever you ask me to, tonight I’m all yours.
- Ask your partner to give you an example of something that you did recently that turned them on.
Example: I could NOT get enough of your mouth on my __________ last weekend. I’m wet/hard just thinking about it.
- Tell your partner about a sexual act you remain curious about exploring with them in the future.
Example: I’ve never tried __________ and I want to try it with you.
- Remind your partner of something they said or did recently that you found particularly sexy.
Example: You were so sexy the other day when you _____.
- Enthusiastically express consent for how exactly you next want to have sex with your partner.
Example: It feels so good every time you ___, I want you to do it exactly like that next time.
- Let your partner know your favorite experience of kissing them and why you enjoyed it so much.
Example: I love when you bite my lips and lick my teeth. It makes me think of all ways you’re going to use your tongue on my ________.
- Ask your partner to share a sexual fantasy of theirs and let you know how you can facilitate that.
Example: I want to help you live out one of your fantasies, tell me about one of them.
- Offer your partner multiple options for enjoyable sexual acts and ask them to pick their favorite.
Example: I could do ________ to you, or ________, or even __________. What’s your fave and when can I do it to you?
- Let your partner know of a sexy dream you have had of them and why it made you feel desirable.
Example: Last night, I dreamt that you grabbed my ________ and fucked me hard/fast/slow. You made me feel so, so sexy.
- Ask your partner what physical affection they would want from you if you were together right now.
Example: If we were together right now, I’d love your mouth on my ________.
- Tell your partner about how loudly they make you want to express yourself with their sex appeal.
Example: Every time you/we _____, I completely forget about how easily the neighbors might hear us and it takes everything I have not to scream out loud.
- Share a sexual inhibition with your partner that you want to jointly work through with their help.
Example: I’ve never tried ______ and I really want to. Want to try it together?
- Let your partner know about a role-play that you find intriguing and want to engage in with them.
Example: I’d love it if I came home one day and you were already in character as ______, and then I could play _____.
- Tell your partner how much you miss them and share why you enjoy physical affection with them.
Example: I miss you and your ________. I love how giving you are in all the ways, and I can’t wait to see you again.
- Ask your partner about any food items you can drizzle over each other and lick off together soon.
Example: Why don’t I bring over some caramel sauce and “accidentally” drip it all over your ________?
- Tell your partner you get turned on when you think about them masturbating.
Example: I get so horny when I think about you touching yourself.
- Tell your partner you’re fresh out of the shower and cannot help thinking of them.
Example: Just got out of the shower. I’m wet and naked and cannot stop thinking about you and your ________.
- Send your partner a calendar invite for a sexual activity you are dreaming about doing with them.
Example: Sunday Spank Session, 9 p.m. sharp.
- Tell your partner how much their voice turns you on and let them know how desirable they are.
Example: I go crazy just when I hear your voice. It’s so sexy and I just imagine you telling me what you’re gonna do to me in bed.
- Ask your partner when they’ll be available to explore a new sexual fantasy with you.
Example: Are you free tonight to try __________? I’ve been thinking about it nonstop and what it would feel like to have your ________ in/on my ________.
- Let your partner know about an area of your home in which you want them to next undress you.
Example The next time you come over, I want you to take me to my kitchen and strip me right then and there.
- Share a scent that you find especially intoxicating with your partner and ask them to wear it.
Example: Can you wear that perfume/cologne the next time we fuck? I’d love if you would wear it on your inner thigh.
- Ask your partner to wear clothing that is easy to remove given how much you want them naked.
Example: I want you to wear a dress I can basically rip off of you tonight.
- Let your partner know that your _____ body part(s) is/are solely for their sexual pleasure when next together.
Example: I’m gonna fuck you so good with my hard cock next time I see you. You know this cock was made for you, babe.
- Share a corny joke with your partner and thank them for letting you be vulnerable in the bedroom.
Example: Baby, are you down to get together at sex p.m., I mean...six p.m.? JK. In all honesty, I really love how close we were last night...I really loved watching you come.
- Ask your partner what makes them go warm in the face and offer to do just that to turn them on.
Example: What makes you hot? Whatever it is, I’m gonna do that thing until you cum.
- Offer to co-author your upcoming sexual adventure narrative by jointly contributing sentences.
Example: You’re working at your computer, and I’m under your desk, slowly unbuckling your belt. Tell me what happens next.
- Don’t be afraid to get creative by adding emojis to your sexts, or just use emojis and let them speak for themselves.
- Use GIFs to respond to sexts your partner sends you to animate the feelings it gives you
Note that these are general ideas that may or may not work for you and your partner. It all depends on your relationship, things you’ve talked about, and what you and your partner are comfortable with. For example, asking your partner if they want to invite a third person into the bedroom may be a totally sexy text if you’ve discussed threesomes before. But if you’re totally monogamous and have never discussed changing things up, this sext might be too out of left field. It’s all about gauging the situation by using the information you already have about the relationship — whether that relationship is a casual one-night-stand, or a long-term thing. Again, sexting might be a bit of a trial and error process, but in the end, it’s all a fun, sexy adventure to figure out what works for you and your partner. So get those thumbs moving!