Sex is not just a young person’s game. While younger people are figuring out who they’re attracted to and what they want out of sex and relationships, older folks have had plenty of time to nail it down. People in the age range of 50 to 70 are often reaching their sexual peak — and having a really good time exploring it.
Even though aging often brings a slew of changes — from our bodies to our minds — it doesn’t have to be the end to a healthy sex life. Many people point to increased confidence and true knowledge about who they are and what they want as a reason that sex over 50 is actually even better than before. People with adult kids who’ve since moved out may also find they have more time to explore their own needs. And though bodies continue to change throughout a lifespan, body insecurities may feel a little different when you’re older, or rather, they may not matter at all. For a lot of people 50 and up, sex is the best it has ever been.
But when is your sexual peak, according to science?
According to the National Coalition for Sexual Health, the idea of a sexual peak is largely a myth. Most studies have shown that people with vaginas tend to experience their sexual peak in their 30s, whereas people with penises experience their sexual peak in their college-aged years. The idea of a sexual peak is first credited to Alfred Kinsey, in his study “Sexual Behavior in the Human Female.” Kinsey’s research on orgasm led him to conclude that men reach sexual prime before women. Though with what we know today about both gender and sexuality being on a spectrum, it’s harder to speak to a sexual peak in terms of gender or age.
Though we know that most studies say people with penises will hit their sexual peak in their 20s and people with vaginas will hit their peak when they’re in their 30s, we know that everyone is different. There are plenty of people who reach their sexual peak well after science assumed they would.
Here are six people’s stories on why sex after 50 is even better.
We reached out to people and culled comments from Reddit to hear a variety of stories about what sex is like even well after their assumed peak. In the following stories, we are using pseudonyms and usernames for the sake of anonymity.
1. “Late 50’s here and sex is still going strong. We’ve always enjoyed sex and with the kids out of the house it makes things even better! Trick is communicating, trying new things, having fun.”
- Reddit user @under59, married female, 59 years old
2. “With all the time I have. I have been reading a lot about senior sex. Never having the time due to work and the family schedule. And also being a man, I thought I knew it all. But what I have read has really enhanced our sex life. Just taking the time to touch and massage my wife has really turned her on. Using her toys to bring her to extreme orgasms…and then just falling asleep in each other’s arms. It has really opened my eyes to what we miss if we really don’t take the time to make time for each other.”
- Reddit user northstar54, married male, found on r/sexover60
3. “I always felt so insecure and unsure of myself when I was younger. What I really like about having sex well over 60 is that I just don’t care about if my stomach looks or feels flat or even if I’m going to orgasm. I have learned that sex is enjoyable for me, with my long-time partner, no matter what. Sometimes, I come and she doesn’t, or vice versa. And sure, the times we both orgasm together are extra special, but regardless, it’s all really special. The details that are stressed about a sexual relationship as young people just don’t matter that much when you’re older. As corny as it sounds, it’s just about being together.”
- Jen, long-time partnered female, 66 years old
4. “My divorce was final just before Christmas last year, a couple of months after I turned 50. Just after my divorce finalized, I met my boyfriend. I was also leaving a [dead bedroom], and didn't expect to get into an exclusive relationship so quickly, and neither did he, but the connection was immediate and intense. Trust me when I tell you that there are women out there who will love having sex with you, and not necessarily want a commitment. Take some time to work on yourself before you put yourself out there, and you won't have any problems”
- Reddit user kjparker888, divorced and dating female, found on “sex over 50” thread in r/sexover30
5. “We were OK in the beginning, even though not all that active, but we fell into a dead bedroom from the time of the birth of our second son (sex two to three times a year; some years more, some years less). A little over a year ago we rediscovered our sex life. Now we have sex about every three to four days. It's great!!”
- Reddit user daj999, married female, 65 years old
6. “What I enjoy about sex over the age of 50 is that we don’t have to prove anything to each other. We know each other and we know what our bodies are like and we’ve also gotten used to the fact that there’s more out there than simply rating each other for our looks. And that looks thing is not what’s running through your head all the time when you’re being intimate.”
-Joey, married male, 56 years old
Everyone’s sexual drive and experiences are drastically different from each other’s, and why shouldn’t they be? Some people have insecurities that others will never have, and some people have been married for a long time whereas others are dating around. There is not a single universal experience at any given age. However, it’s important to remember that when thinking about sex over the age of 50, there’s still a lot to look forward to. According to the people quoted above, sex over the age of 50 can be even more pleasurable than when we’re young. Fewer insecurities, more freedom and confidence to express oneself, and the simple fact that long-time partners know each other’s bodies so well all mean that there are plenty of people who are “past their prime” who are still having incredible sex. Something to look forward to!