How To Do Bondage For Beginners

Are you interested in tying up your lover? Read on for some tantalizing tips on how to bring a little bondage into your bedroom.

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Does the idea of tying up your lover get you all hot and bothered? Has your partner told you about a restraint fantasy that’s got them tingly? Maybe you’re just looking for something new to try together. Either way, tying your partner up in bed can be a lot of fun. It also might be a little confusing or intimidating if it’s your first time trying it. Read on for tips to help you navigate your first experiences being a “rope top” (that’s the person who does the tying up!).

Find a nice rope, decide on a safe word, and make sure you have safety scissors on hand! Bondage tips from Pleasure Professional Mona Darling.

Get Consent

First, and most importantly, are you both into it? Is your partner excited about the idea of being tied up? Are you happy to try restraining them? If the answers to these questions are all an enthusiastic  “Yes!”—then awesome! The stars are aligned and you’re ready to give it a try. Remember, feeling a little nervous is fine, but if either of you feels anxious, or uncertain, then set bondage aside for now. If you’re curious, but don’t feel quite ready yet, try using your dirty talk skills to talk about how you would tie each other up without actually doing it. Talking out a fantasy can be super hot, and can help you know what you want to try when you do eventually feel ready.

Talking out a fantasy can be super hot, and can help you work out what you want to try when you do eventually feel ready.

Next it’s important to figure out what kind of bondage is hot and what’s not so hot. Check in with your partner about what would turn them on. Do they want their hands tied together—or to the headboard? Do they want their feet tied? Is silky rope exciting for them, or would they prefer cuffs? Giving your partner what they want can send them into ecstasy—but getting it wrong can make them uncomfortable or even scared, so make sure you’re on the same page.

Bondage Equipment And Sex Toys

There are so many options to choose from: You can start with a scarf that feels soft and sexy on your partner’s wrists; you might pull off the belt or stockings you’re wearing and use those; or you can go shopping for fluffy purple wrist cuffs together beforehand. No matter what you decide, you want something that is going to be comfortable for your partner, and something you are confident using (maybe don’t try any complicated rope tricks just yet!). You could also check out an under the bed bondage kit—this nifty kit sets up under the mattress so that the velcro wrist and ankle cuffs are ready when you want to use them.

You can start with a scarf that feels soft and sexy on your partner’s wrists; you might pull off the belt or stockings you are wearing and use those; you can go shopping for fluffy wrist cuffs together beforehand...

Safety First!

When planning your bondage fun, be sure to consider safety. This means making sure the restraints are not too tight—you don’t want to cause any nerve damage during your carnal romp! You should also make sure that your partner can get out of their restraints quickly if they need to. If the restraint is too tight, or if they start panicking, or maybe if they just need to go to the bathroom, you want to be able to release the ties easily. Having safety scissors on hand is a good idea if you’re using rope, scarves, or a similar material to tie with, even just for peace of mind.

Beginners Bondage Equipment

Happy...bonding!

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Video transcript

Okay, so, what can you use to tie your partner up? Well, really, anything. I have a collection of scarfs, I have some really pretty rope I found on the internet, but I've found amazing rope on, at Home Depot. You can just go into a local hardware store and feel the rope, see what it feels like. Does it feel nice on your skin? Is it soft? Does it bend well? Anything you want. The things you wanna keep in mind when you're doing bondage is that you wanna make sure that you don't bind any joints, you wanna make sure that people have safety signals, and safe words, so that they can, if they can't use their mouth, they have something that they can shake, or drop, to let you know that there is a problem. Or if they have a, you know, just make sure that they have a safety signal. So if like, you know, your arms are gonna feel numb, they can tell you without braking the scene. And then, finally, you wanna have safety scissors. Safety scissors are special scissors that have this awesome little spot right there that it can slip in between anything. Shoelace, saran wrap, whatever you wanna use, and cut it away from the skin, in case things get too tight. Or you need to get somebody out quickly.

What Is BDSM And Kink?

What is kink? What is BDSM? How do I know if kinky play is for me? Read on to explore bondage, spanking, role play, and more.

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Fact No. 2
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The Quickie
6 minute read
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You may have seen the terms “kink” and “BDSM” online, on TV, or even on Tinder. What do they mean, and how do you know if you want to explore them? Here’s what you need to know before deciding if kink and BDSM are right for you.

What Is Kink?

“Kink” is a broad term for sex that’s not thought of as “traditional.” The most common definition considers kink to be anything outside of intercourse-based sex between two monogamous partners, particularly when it includes non-traditional desires and fantasies.

What Is BDSM?

BDSM is any consensual sexual activity involving bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (hence the source of the letters B, D, S, and M). BDSM practice typically involves a power dynamic between partners, where it is understood that one will have more power during sex than the other. Healthy BDSM requires that all partners have consented to the roles they will play and understand the amount of power each will have.

What’s The Difference Between Kink And BDSM?

Kink and BDSM are often grouped together as non-traditional types of sexual activity, and sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart. The primary difference is BDSM involves a power exchange or differential between sexual partners, while kink describes a broader category of sex that can, but doesn’t have to, involve power dynamics. (You could even say BDSM is a type of kink.)

What Do The Different Letters Of BDSM Mean?

Bondage and discipline refer to restraining and punishing another person through mechanisms including, but not limited to, handcuffs or rope-tying, whipping, spanking, or otherwise physically controlling and impacting a partner.

BDSM is any consensual sexual activity involving bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.

Dominance and submission refers to the roles partners take on during this type of sex, and the power each role has in the sexual relationship.

Sadism refers to the enjoyment of watching someone else experience pain while masochism describes pleasure at feeling your own pain.

What Are Some Other Types Of Kink And BDSM?

The list of categories within kink is near-infinite—after all, kink invites you to get creative!—but these are a few of the most common types.

  • Impact play: Involves using something, like your hands or an instrument, to strike another person during sex.
  • Group sex: Involves having sex with multiple people at once, sometimes with various power dynamics a la BDSM.  
  • Role-playing: Involves having sex where partners are pretending to be other people or non-human creatures, such as a predator and its prey, an animal and its owner, or people of radically different ages, such as an adult and a baby.
  • Sensation play: Involves sex where one person is either intentionally deprived of certain senses or has their sensations heightened. Examples of sensation play include using a blindfold to deprive a person of sight during sex, or incorporating ice or heat to induce temperature-based bodily sensations.
  • Voyeurism: Involves sex where one or more partners are aroused by the act of watching others naked or having sex.
  • Exhibitionism: Involves sex where one or more partners are aroused by the act of being watched while naked or having sex.

Sex toys and other equipment are a part of any types of BDSM and kink. If you’re interested in dipping your toe in the water there are a range of kinky toys for beginners to try out.

How Does Consent Relate To BDSM And Kink?

Healthy kink and BDSM depend completely on getting consent and establishing boundaries in advance. BDSM can be tricky to navigate because for some people, saying “no,” getting hurt, and even being abused are part of what gets them off.

BDSM practice typically involves a power dynamic between partners, where it is understood that one will have more power during sex than the other.

In order to have a healthy and safe BDSM experience with someone, it’s important that you trust each other completely, talk in advance about your desires and what you’d like to get from the experience, and establish what you do not want to do. It can also be helpful to determine a safe word or another agreed-upon way to tell your partner if you want to stop.

What’s A Safe Word?

For some people who participate in BDSM, verbally saying “no” to sex, acting as though they are being assaulted, or otherwise pretending not to enjoy what’s happening is part of their arousal. In order to make sure someone can opt out if they are no longer enjoying sex, some sex partners will utilize “safe words.” A safe word is an unusual word that’s code for “stop.”

A safe word is an unusual word that’s code for “stop.”

For example: If your kink fantasy is being penetrated against your will, saying “stop” might make you enjoy the experience more and doesn’t actually mean you want your partner to stop. But if you’ve established in advance that your safe word is “poodle”—you’d never say “poodle” during sex otherwise—saying “poodle” during sex would tell your partner if something is wrong and they should stop.

Should You Try Kink Or BDSM?

It’s up to you! If reading kinky fanfiction or scrolling through BDSM posts on Tumblr gets you going, you may want to explore bringing kink or BDSM into your sex life. Before you do, though, it’s important to talk through exactly what you’re interested in with your partner(s). Consent is at the heart of practicing kink in a healthy way. Explore to your body’s content—as long as everyone is on board.

Related Articles:

How To Do Bondage For Beginners

What Is Sensation Play?

What’s The Deal With Spanking?

Kinky Sex Toys For Beginners

What Are Consent Skills?

How To Introduce Sex Toys To Your Partner

References

Video transcript

You've heard of Fifty Shades of Grey or maybe you read the book or maybe you've seen the movie and you're wondering what exactly is BDSM? BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. These are a bunch of fancy words to just mean kink. Kink covers everything from masturbating with your partner to spanking, bondage, to caning and heavy whipping and scary things that may not be your thing, but maybe they are. See, kink means different things to different people. And there is no right. There's only what's right for you.

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