Fact No. 1
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The Quickie
4 minutes
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Someone has caught your eye! Maybe it’s someone you meet at a party, maybe it’s the person who takes your coffee order every morning, maybe it’s a fellow passenger in your Uberpool ride. You’re enjoying their company and you wouldn’t mind giving them a subtle sign that you like them, but you don’t want to come on too strong. What’s the move?

Step 1: Smile

A smiling face exudes warmth, confidence, and lets the other person know you’re happy to see them (and who doesn’t love that?!). Sure, you could play it cool, and give off a James Dean indifference... But showing that you are friendly and approachable by flashing a smile is more likely to progress your flirting beyond the “making eyes” stage. And of course, when you start talking keep throwing in the smiles so that your crush feels reassured and knows you’re enjoying their company.

Step 2: Eye Contact

Making eye contact with the other person is a low-stakes way to let them know they’ve caught your attention. If you’re looking at your potential love interest from across the room, just little moments of eye contact are good to show you’re noticing them (but avoid staring of course, you don’t want to come across as creepy). If you’re already talking, continue to make eye contact throughout the conversation to let them know you’re listening to them and interested in what they’re saying.

Making eye contact with the other person tells them you’re paying attention to them.

If you’re living with a visual impairment, the eye contact part of flirting can be more challenging. Having a “wing person”—a trusted friend whose role it is to assist you while (consensually and respectfully) cruising for cuties—can help you pick up signals you may have otherwise missed.

Step 3: Humor

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a standup comedian and impress them with elaborate jokes. But a dash of humor, even just a lighthearted remark or two, can go a long way in forging a connection. If they laugh, smile, or offer follow-up jokes and comments, that’s a definite sign that things are going in the right direction. And if you’re not sure what to say, look for cues in your surrounding environment to comment on, or try saying something silly about yourself, like:

“Wow, I’m not wearing the right outfit to dance to this music, I should have brought my lycra!”


Step 4: Gentle Curiosity

As you’re beginning to talk, ask them some basic questions about themselves. This shows you’re interested in them, and helps you learn more about this mysterious person who’s caught your eye. “Basic questions” are the key here. Avoid questions that are too personal or too probing—stick to small talk for now. To break the ice, you can start off with,

“I really like your style. Where’s your dress from?”

“It’s busy here this morning. How’s your day going?”

or

“Sharing a car with strangers is pretty weird if you think about it. I once shared an Uberpool with my grade school math teacher. What's your best Uberpool story?”.

Even if it can feel a little cheesy or artificial at times, small talk is a helpful skill to spark a conversation and help it gather momentum.

Even if it can feel a little cheesy or artificial at times, small talk is a helpful skill to spark a conversation and help it gather momentum.

Step 5: Open Body Language

The last step for A+ flirting is sending out the right signals with your body language. If you’re feeling nervous talking to your crush, you might find yourself slouching or crossing your arms in front of your chest. Flirting can be nerve-wracking, so that’s totally understandable! But take a deep breath, exhale, uncross your arms, and straighten your shoulders. You will come across as more confident and relaxed (even if you’ve still got a few butterflies in your stomach).

If you’re feeling nervous talking to your crush, you might find yourself slouching or crossing your arms in front of your chest… But take a deep breath, exhale, uncross your arms and straighten your shoulders.

So why not make eye contact with that hottie on the dancefloor? Why not flash a smile at the person who takes your coffee order? And why not say something a silly to break the ice with your fellow Uberpool passenger? Who knows—you might end up dancing together, having a great conversation, or even locking some lips…!

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When you see that someone or you have a friend with somebody who's super hot, or super sexy, or you having physical attraction to them. Leaning into that by just letting it happen, number one, our instinct is often to hide it, right? Hide the blush, or make an excuse to get away from somebody where you're having that, like, that like, fluttery stomach, short of breath, "oh my goodness, you're so sexy." sort of reaction. A great place to start, cultivating that in a friendship, is by not trying to avoid it. And that sounds, like, super simple, like okay thanks, common sense advice. But it's really hard, it's really hard to do that. We are so ingrained and taught that we're supposed to like, not, or we're supposed to feel awkward, which awkwardness is great, but you're supposed to feel awkward, or weird, or creepy if you express physical desire for another person. Just through a body reaction, but it's not. It is your body doing what it does, and so, the first recommendation I have is actually to, whenever you feel that sensation coming on, if you feel comfortable naming it, you totally could, but you also can just let it happen. And being open to it if your friend, or whatever notices it and asks you about it, get to decide what you say, but I think it's really great when somebody is like, "You're blushing, why are you blushing?" That's a great moment for you to say, actually, you. You're the reason I'm blushing, I just think you're really lovely, or I think you're really sexy, or that dress looks really good on you, right? I say dress a lot 'cause I like all people in dresses. But you could, of course, give that compliment to any sort of version of them.