Enjoying anal stimulation is not exclusive to any one gender, identity, or orientation. If you’re a straight guy who enjoys anal stimulation and you’re worried it might mean you’re gay, we’re here to put your anxieties to rest.
No, you’re not gay if you like butt stuff
Enjoying getting your ass fingered, eaten, or rimmed, using butt toys, getting pegged, or penetrated with a phallic-shaped object has nothing to do with who you’re romantically and/or sexually attracted to, and everything to do with where there is a high concentration of nerve endings and erectile tissue in your body. What physically feels good in a sexual context does not determine how you emotionally feel about partners.
Enjoying anal stimulation “is not a matter of sexual orientation — it's a matter of anatomy,” Zachary Zane, author of BOYSLUT and sex expert for the queer cruising app, Sniffies, tells O.school.
The idea that ‘liking butt stuff makes you gay’ is a myth
The idea that it’s gay to like butt stuff is a harmful myth with homophobic underpinnings. The myth assumes that being “gay” is not normal and that if a cishet man likes anything sexual that a gay man might also incorporate into his sex life, it somehow makes that cishet man less masculine, less normal, and also gay.
While it is a ridiculous myth, it doesn’t lessen the cultural shame cishet men may experience if they outwardly (or even inwardly) admit they enjoy anal stimulation. For this reason, it’s so important to normalize pleasure that works for you, and to also understand why anal stimulation can be so physically pleasurable for people of varying identities and orientations. Beyond that, we also have to work to rid our society of homophobia in the first place.
3 reasons why straight men may enjoy anal stimulation
1. The anus is anatomically made to feel good when touched.
There’s a long list of reasons why men may enjoy anal stimulation, starting with the fact that it simply can feel really, really good because of our anatomy. The anus is crowded with nerve endings and actually shares many nerves and muscles with the genitals. These nerve endings can make things like butt plugs, fingers, dildos, or other objects inside your anus feel incredibly stimulating. And the anal opening is no different— having someone glide their tongue or finger around the outside of your anus, or the rim, can feel invigorating.
2. It can lead to prostate orgasms.
Men can experience a powerful, full-body sensation via anal stimulation known as a prostate orgasm. The prostate is a walnut-size area located between the rectum and bladder that can be stimulated through the anus. “The prostate is jam-packed with sensitive nerve endings and it feels extremely pleasurable when properly stimulated. In fact, when you orgasm with something inside your rear end, it often leads to stronger, full-body orgasms,'' explains Zane. Because it can feel so good, there are sex toys made specifically for prostate stimulation.
3. Butt play can be a way to experiment with power dynamics.
The power dynamics that can come with anal play can be a major turn on for men of any orientation. “There are often dominant and submissive sexual dynamics that are incorporated during anal play. When being penetrated as a man, you can be the submissive partner. It can be nice to relinquish control or to simply listen to commands” Zane tells O.school.
When does liking anal mean you’re gay?
“If you find yourself attracted to other men— their bodies, personalities, etc.— then you may, in fact, be queer. But if it's just that you like the physical sensations of anal play and are still exclusively attracted to women, then you're most likely not queer,” Zane explains.
While there’s no “test” to know if you’re gay, consider asking yourself a few questions: Do you like the feeling of anal stimulation? Or do you specifically enjoy, desire, or want to receive anal stimulation from another man? Who do you fantasize about? Who do you want to have sex with? Who turns you on? Regardless of how you answer these questions, at the end of the day, only you can determine what labels feel right for you — if any.
7 straight men on why they like anal play
We posed questions to our cishet male readers: Why do you love playing with your ass? Were you ever concerned it might mean you’re gay? Many cited prostate pleasure and prostate orgasms first, but there were many other reasons noted, too. Here’s what a few of them had to say.
We used first names only to respect privacy, and changed some names upon request.
1. “For me it’s never been more than a finger, but it’s definitely been a pleasure button to instant climax. Like if I ever have a hard time finishing and have a lady go that route, it works every time.” - Bobby Knight, 28
2. “When I was in high school, I definitely thought liking stuff in the butt meant gay and never explored it and I didn’t have anyone touch that area. Then when I was like 26, someone did and I enjoyed [it] and I was totally comfortable with my sexuality at that point, and realized it’s like a whole separate pleasure area. I definitely don’t tell many people about it because there’s still a little stigma around it, but my gf and I have toys and definitely play around down there.” - Adrian, 32
3. “I've been pegged with strap-ons by women and I've been fucked by guys. I identify as straight, but some of those times were me experimenting to see if I'm not fully straight. I've had an interest in anal play for as long as I can remember.
The myth convinced me that I might be gay, but I've realized I don't have romantic feelings for men, but I've still had fun sleeping with some! I like anal play because its a different physical and mental sensation than being the ‘penetrator.’ I like the role reversal aspect of it as it plays into my occasionally submissive tendencies.” - Andrew T., 32
4. “The best word to describe it is earthshaking. Stimulating the prostate just inside the anal wall without actually repeatedly penetrating the rectum produces a massive and prolonged orgasm with a greater volume of semen. I have known this since a fairly young age but have always thought I would be stigmatized.” - Kai, Anonymous Age
5. I like [butt stuff] quite a bit, but not all the time. Definitely dependent on the person or situation but overall I won’t say no if I’m comfortable with the person. I’ve honestly never told any of my friends (or even most of my sexual partners) because I’ve been very concerned about being labeled gay or having people think ‘I’m weird.’ Super unfortunate because I think it’s really pleasurable. It wasn’t until my current relationship (who also really enjoys it) that I’ve been comfortable enough to tell them. Complex feelings — it’s unfortunate that I feel like being labeled ‘gay’ would be a ‘bad’ thing, but also that liking something like that would be considered gay?” - Jerome, 30
6. “My anal experience has been very wonderful. The male G-spot is the prostate. I discovered it about 10 years ago. And I haven't been able to get enough of it. I like to explore and discover. I guess that's just my personality. [And] society has put such a negative stigma on anything going into men's butts.” - Ben, 31
7. “Sometimes it would feel like my butt wants something in there so I explored that feeling and it’s GREAT.” - Dan, 29
The bottom line
Liking butt stuff doesn’t mean you’re gay. It only means your anus is full of nerve endings that can feel pleasurable when stimulated. If you’re new to butt play, check out our guide on anal training to get you started with beginner butt toys and play.