Making a Pleasure Playdate

It’s easy to get stuck in routines and forget to ritualize our sensory experiences. One way to get out of this, however, is to make a pleasure play-date — either with yourself or with a partner.

In the stream, sex educators and Afro-sexology founders Rafaella and Dalychia discuss how to make a pleasure play date.

To have a pleasure play-dates, first, try setting an intentional time for when you are going to do something pleasurable. Try thinking about how you can make little things a game by inserting creativity and playfulness into every action. This does not have to translate to sexual activity necessarily. Your pleasure play-date could simply be a time where you get to paint, or play music. It can be playing make-believe with a partner or friend, and really leaning into your daydreams and fantasies. You could play video games, craft, do puzzles — anything that brings you joy and feels good. The goal is to ritualize these experiences, however, by focusing on the sensory experiences with intention.

A pleasure play-date can also be a sexual, solo experience. You can create a sexy environment for yourself by lighting candles, putting on music, and dressing up in lingerie. You can also try various masturbation techniques like edging — where you stimulate yourself to the point of orgasm, but stop just before you get there. Keep this going to make the orgasm that much more intense.

A pleasure play-date can also lead to sexy time with a partner. Playing make-believe could mean you dress up like a sexy spy wearing a trench coat, with nothing underneath. You can also just play hide-and-go-seek with your partner, or a consensual kissing tag game. Make a fort with your partner, and then have some sexy time in it. Cooking together can also be very intimate, as you can kiss and touch through the process, then set the table with candles, and feed each other.

You can get as creative as you want with a pleasure play-date, and Rafaella and Dalychia even suggest writing out a script with your partner and acting out a play. It can be something silly and fun, or it can be erotica. Readout loud to each other, and just get into it. You can have a drag day where you both dress as the opposite gender and do each other’s hair and makeup. You can do a sexy scavenger hunt, make dirty talk games, or you could play with sexy dice — dice you can buy, where each side has a sexy activity you have to do on a roll.

There are so many ways to have a pleasure play-date, and the way you choose to have fun with yourself or with a partner is entirely up to you. Just concentrate on the things that bring you joy, or make you feel sexy, and then set an intention with your activities to create the most pleasure and to heighten all those sensory activities. Most importantly, just have fun.

Video transcript

So again, hello everyone. Welcome. Thank you so much for spending some of your Thursday night with us.

Yeah, it's very much appreciated.

We are so excited for this particular chat that we're having tonight. But first let's go through a few things. So I'm Rafaella.

I'm Dalychia.

And we are the creators of Afrosexology. Afrosexology was created after we noticed that there was a lack, there was something missing in the conversation when it relates to sexuality within the Black community. So we created so many good things in conversations to get that conversation going on a larger scale. And O school is part of that. So again, thank you all for joining us tonight.

Yeah, and tonight we're gonna specifically be talking about pleasure play dates. And before we get into any of that, we wanna start by setting up some group norms and just some expectations that we want to follow to make sure that our time together is just well spent and pleasurable. So to start off.

To start off, we want to say that in this space we will not be tolerating any hate speech. We want this space to be as comfortable and secure as possible. Everyone is here to not only learn from one another but to do that through sharing their experiences, and to do that safely and knowing that no one's gonna jump on them or say that what they do or believe is wrong in any way.

Right.

So we will definitely monitor that and Justin will also be assisting in monitoring this space. And, if it's something that we can't resolve, we will be asking you to leave the space.

Yeah and along with that, it's something that Rafaella likes to say a lot but I think it's really cute. She'd say don't eww my ah. And so as we're talking about our pleasure play dates, people are gonna be saying lots of different things that they're into, that they might find pleasurable. And just because someone, just because you don't find it pleasurable, doesn't mean that it can't be pleasurable for someone else. Just because you think something's pleasurable it doesn't mean it can't be pleasurable for them. And so, at no point do want to be like, ew, like how can you find the pleasurable? How could that be fun for you? We just want to make sure that everyone feels safe to share the things that bring them pleasure.

And, because this is set up where we're gonna be asking questions to one another and to you, we want you to participate as much as possible. Definitely do what feels good to you. What feels comfortable. We don't want you to feel forced. But, definitely keep the conversation going, so that we know you're engaged and that you're interested.

Yeah. And along with that, confidentiality is going to be something we're gonna try to uphold. And, so we know that some people have, are going to share vulnerable information, just like sensitive information, personal information and while we want you to like shout at the mountain tops all of the amazing things you're about to learn about pleasure play dates and all the great you're gonna get, we want you to keep the identifiable information to yourself. So, you can say like I learned this really great thing. Someone had the really great idea for a pleasure date, but don't say like Dalychia likes to do this for her pleasure date.

And, also since we are all in the comfort of our homes, or maybe you're somewhere else on your phone, definitely do what you need to take care of yourself. If you're feeling like you need to get up and stretch, do that. If you need to run out and get a glass of water definitely do that. Just come on back to us, we'll be here waiting.

Don't leave us hanging out, particularly with

So along, or something else we wanna add into this space, is the concept of oops and ouch. And so, if someone one says something that kind of rubs you the wrong way, we are say something that just doesn't sit right, just go ahead and type ouch into the chat and we will take a moment and step back, address that, and figure out what was going on, and give the person who said the thing a chance to oops and maybe correct themselves or clarify or say this is not what I really meant. So, that we could just make sure that we are having a pleasurable conversation. That everyone is spending what they need.

And, you are the expert of your body, your experiences, and what you're capable of doing. So, we are, again, going to be participating in giving you some ideas of things that you can do. But, by no means are we telling you you have to do these things. Or, this is the best way to do some things. So, just take care of your self. do what feels good, and have fun.

Yeah, and have fun.

Have fun.

So, if everyone feels good with that, can you just go ahead and put an exclamation mark in the chat box, and we know that you're good with the group norms that we set up. If there's anything that you wanna contribute or add please go ahead and do that at this time. We'll give y'all a couple seconds to do that. Thank you for dropping that in Justin. Exclamation mark if you're good. Okay. We're going to assume that people are good.

Yeah.

So, why are we talking about games, right? And, so, I think for us when we're thinking about putting together this. Oh, thanks for the exclamation mark. I appreciate it.

-Thank you!

Yeah. When we're thinking about games and this idea of a pleasure play date, we we're just really reflecting on how games for many of us has been such an essential part of our life. And so, just thinking about when we were children and we would have imaginary friends. I remember I used to create like entire backstories for all of my toys. Like, so and so wasn't friends with so and so this week 'cause they said this at them or they were hangin' out with this person. And I was just so creative. Like I would just create all these different worlds and these stories. When I was an adolescent. When I was younger. You know, we had recess in school and we would play dodgeball. We would play double dutch. We would play freeze tag, Simon says. There were just so many different games that we were playing. And that even as I got older and the risk intensified in so many games. We would play, you know, seven minutes in heaven. Truth or dare. In college, playing beer pong. And just, Never Have I Ever. And, just a lot of drinking games. And, so, were reflecting on how like, games was always like a part of creating these really beautiful moments for us through our lives but, somewhere along the line, like as an adult, like I don't feel like I play games as often. And, so, we were just sitting around and thinking like, what would it look like to put intentions of games into our lives as adults. And so, we're super curious and interested in what are some of you all's favorite games from childhood, from middle school, from high school, college years. Even if you're playing games now. What are some of your favorite games? What are some of your favorite games, Rafaella?

You know, I like to play cards.

Mm hmmm.

And I like video games.

Mm hmmm.

I'm not a gamer. But, I do have my Super Nintendo that I've had since childhood. Mint condition. There's nothing wrong with it. It has several games. So yeah. I like those types of games.

Okay.

Uno, Spades, Kings

Okay.

Those types of games.

So, I really loved truth or dare growing up 'cause it was just, like, what is someone gonna dare me to do or what am I gonna have to share? It would just feel so hard and it was so creative. The other thing that I used to really, really love. I don't know if everyone is familiar with Highlights? But, I was, like, such a nerdy kid.

I love that.

And, so like, just like the things where you had to find all the hidden pieces or things in the different stories. And, like, just all the different like word games or things that would like stimulate you. Kinda like, the Where's Waldo type of thing. I used to really, really love playing those games. Lucy and Luna loves Battleship.

That's a good game. A lot of strategy.

Yeah.

Yes, so, continue to type in the games that you enjoyed as you were a child. We definitely want to take a second to shout out Don, Sarah, and her Explore More Summit for 2018 that is starting on April 23rd. We took some time out and chatted with her and talked about games and pleasure and liberation and how all those things are tied together. So, we thought this was a perfect opportunity to highlight that. And, so, we're definitely going to drop in a link so that you can check out a cool quote from us from the chat. And, you can also register for free. Register early. And when you do, you get a bunch of goodies like worksheets that go along with all the chats.

Yeah. I'm sorry, Luna said, I'm at war with the patriarchy

Ooooh.

Trying to sink their battleship. I feel you, I feel you.

I love Uno.

Yes.

The thing with Uno though,

How'd you--

You have to ask about all of the rules 'cause it seems like where every state, every region, everyone plays differently.

Yes.

So you have to get the facts up front.

Yes. Hungry, Hungry Hippos,

Oh wow. that was such a fun game.

Did you see that live version with people using like laundry baskets

No.

With balls and they were like, eating the hungry hippos it's crazy. And they were adults, look at them.

Hide and Go Seek. Video games, yes. We will talk about Hide and Go Seek a little bit more. So, like, Rafaella was saying, we dropped a link in there, so if you click on the picture that says Pleasure Play Dates, you'll get a link to several different worksheets and also to Don and Sarah's Summit that she's going to be doing for more information about that.

Also love pretending I was an Olympic Figure Skater And, role playing.

Oh that's so much fun.

That's so fun.

And creative.

Yes. I was like that, too. Whole theme was in my head. I had other people involved in my imaginary times.

Yeah and currently.

Thanks... Alright, anything else that people want to add?

Yeah. The games we didn't like. So, Twister.

Alright, so, why are we talking about these things? What is the purpose of talking about pleasure and play and taking that time for yourself? Well, as we get older as adults, we have so many more responsibilities and obligations. Sometimes we're not even taking care of just ourself, but, we're responsible for kiddos, partners, sometimes you may be taking care of an elder and things kinda get lost in the fray. Where it just doesn't fit into our schedule. And, the reason why we wanted to highlight play, is because during that time, it can spark your creativity just the same way as it did when you were a child. You're literally taking a period of time to designate for yourself. Care about yourself. Love on yourself. It can be a form of escapism where you can just drop the realities of the world. All the stresses that you may be experiencing, and have that time for yourself. It is a way to explore different ways to be creative. Different ways to, like, challenge some of the beliefs that you may have about yourself and your capabilities. And, you may even start to brainstorm new things that you want to ignite in your life. So, getting the moment to maybe play a board game. To be creative, and get a little role play, fantasizing, imagination going, can definitely open up the world to you. So, that is one of the reasons why we wanted to talk about this.

Yeah.

So, do you still play any games now? Today, as an adult?

And, if so, what are they?

And, if not what are some reasons that you don't?

That's a good question. I think I tell myself that I don't have time to play games. And I think I tell myself... Because I got time to do plenty of things, but I feel, like when I was a kid, my job was to be creative and to play. But, I feel like as an adult my job is to be productive. And, playing games doesn't feel productive. And, so, it's a lot of times when I try to set aside a time to play games, or just do things that stimulate me differently. Like, I started doing puzzles this year again. And, I just would find myself being like this isn't... Like, I need to be doing something else while I'm doing the puzzle. Something productive. Like, I can't just sit here and do this puzzle for two hours.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I say the same thing. That I don't have time. But, if I'm being real with myself, I'm just not making the time. There's literally times where I'm sitting on the couch, scrolling through social media, watching a tv show, and I'm like oh, it's 30 minutes passed, a hour's passed, and I reflect on what is something else that I could've been doin' in that time. So I feel like there's blocks of time where I'm like, I could've been more satisfied putting more pleasure into my life aside from feeling like I need a break from things and just watching TV.

That is so real.

And that's something that you can do if you want to but I think for me I want to do something more than just do nothing and watch TV or scroll through social media.

That's true, that's true. Yeah.

Yeah. So, anything that you all want to add about playing games and why you don't have time. Or, why you feel like it's something that you don't want to engage in.

Yeah... I think

We'll catch up with the chat--

We will. You all drop your comments whenever and we will take a pause and check it. And, so for us, thinking about, like, play and pleasure, and games, and all of this stuff we were thinking about when we were young we used to play play dates. And, like, our parents would set us up on play dates. And, maybe we didn't call it play dates when we were, like, going out with our friends, like, when we were choosing to go. But, they were essentially like, we're setting some time to go to a movie together as a group of friends.

That's right.

And, so, we thought about what would it look like to have a pleasure play date? What would it mean to set intentional time for you to do something by yourself, or with your partner, or partners, that is pleasurable? That is fun. That is full of games. And, these things can be sexual or nonsexual. But, just taking an intentional time to set and create a pleasure play date.

Yeah.

I see some people dropped some answers, so we're going to go back. I play games on my phone like Candy Rush and Words with Friends. Yes, technology has really given us a chance to play games again. That's such a good point. Like, I remember when Connect Four got on the phone. I was playing that all day with one of my friends.

You was beating everybody?

No. And, I was very upset about it, because I was really good at this game as a child. And, I would be so close. But, yeah, technology was, like, allowed me to play Connect Four again and that was super exciting.

And then LC, as for playing a game, would like to revisit play like consensual kissing. Tag. And, UNO. And, reenacting songs I love from my records. For sure. That sounds fun.

I like that.

Consensual kissing tag, what's that? Explain a little more.

Consensual kissing tag.

I could, okay maybe I could get down with that. Put the rules in. Put the rules in the chat.

You know, create your own game speller.

Where's base? Let me know.

And so we were thinking, how would react if someone wanted to take us on a pleasure play date? Like let's say, like, our first day or even someone we've been with for a while, was like, you know what, instead of that $200 date, let's go out to the park and play freeze tag. Would I be like, you broke? Or, you're super creative and that sounds so much fun? God, I think I would have a lot of insecurities come up in me that, like, this is not what a date is supposed to be. Connect Four. Yeah, this is not what a date's supposed to be. And, so, just thinking about why I would react negatively to someone saying I wanna play games for a date instead of like going to a dinner and a movie.

I think that's real. Especially, like, I think over the past couple years, especially on Twitter, there's been so many conversations about the $200 date. And what does that really mean? Like listen, that's a lotta money. Listen. I don't know where you all be going, where you all eaten and stuff at the restaurant. But, I think it would be, personally, I think it would really interesting. Sweet and creative. That someone came up with something. And, I'm competitive, too. So, if you wanna play a game with me, I'm gonna try and win. So, yeah, I think I would like that. It's a good one. It's different.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Luna wants to go to a ball pit. Ooh, that would be fun. Yes. Oh, I love that. Yes. For the support of the sport.

So, we want to start off by just talking about, like, the nonsexual things you can do as a pleasure play date. We think that... A lot of the times when we talk about pleasure, we're specifically thinking about, like, our sex life. And, for us, we really believe in the value of sensory pleasure in all parts of your life. And, not just your sex life. And, I think it can be really hard when you go throughout your day to day without experiencing pleasure. Without going, like, turned on. Without feeling, like, laughing and having fun. To always come home and think you're going to just be this pleasurable, fun, loving, playful person. And, so, we can think about different ways to just spend some intentional time doing things that bring us pleasure. And, not just reserving pleasure for our sex life. But, I mean, for all parts of our life. So, some different things we were thinking about, and, I would love to hear what you all do as a pleasure play date with yourself. Is, just like, ya know, getting some art supplies and doing some painting. And, getting some adult, or sexy, or fun coloring books. And, just like coloring more. Playing make believe, like Raffael was talking about earlier. Just like setting up your whole world and thinking about the different things you can create there. I've been really leaning into my day dreams. My fantasies. And, my night dreams a lot more. I got some crazy stories. My day dreams will be off the wall. Doing puzzles. Playing video games. Just like, for me, thinking about, like reading books for fun because I read a lot. But, it's, like, usually for professional development. And, so, just taking some time to do more pleasure reading. One question that I like to ask myself when I'm thinking about, where could I even start to do a pleasure play date? I ask myself if I could have any other life, what would it be? What would I have, like, what kind of person would I be? And, I always, since I was young, wanted to be a spy. Like, a really sexy spy. So, we were talking about where on a pleasure play date I could go and get, like, my spy outfit. I'll get a trench coat and a hat, and, like my whatever. Sexy outfit to wear underneath it. And, then just kind of walk around, and be, like, looking at people suspiciously. And, like, taking notes. And, you know, just like acting like...

That is so cute.

Being in my body as a spy because it's something I wanted to explore. Like, if there was a part of me that was always drawn to that, why not figure out some ways to play with it and do those different kind of things?

That is so fun. I can see you right now... I don't know why, like, I hear the James Bond music in my ear.

Well, I'm glad you got that trench coat on.

Oh, mine is... I always wanted to be a mechanic.

Hmmmmmm

So, my pleasurable date is... Actually, I've already done this. I'm registered for an automotive class starting in April.

You and these classes!

Go to the local community college!

That's amazing!

So, I'm really excited about that. So, I'm taking myself out on an education play date.

Oh my God. Look at her!

I'll get your tire changed. Your oil changed. Changing batteries.

Alright!

Is that, like, an Escape Room thing?

I like that. I've done one. Mmmm hmmm.

Yeah, I think we all went. And, that was so much fun. I was useless, y'all. I was, like, I can't figure out none of these puzzles, or these riddles.

I can't cosign that or remember that. I'm pretty sure you can

I was, like, damn, I would be dead. We have a mummy themed one, I was like... Oooh,laser tag! Yo! My friends and I used to play laser tag like it was for real. Oh my God, that's such a good idea. I'm going to write that down right now. Thank you, Kate. Laser tag would be a great way to be a spy. Oh, that's so much fun. Okay. Awesome.

Alright, so, you good with that? Anything that you want to add? Something that you would just really enjoy doing by yourself? And, I know, it doesn't sound like a traditional date. But, that whole point is just to take time for yourself. By yourself. And, doing things that you enjoy and bring you pleasure and excitement.

So, definitely, enter in the chat...

I always think of Forest Gump. You know...

Okay, so, definitely continue entering your things into the chats.

I used to like the little cabin log things. You know what I'm talking about?

Uh uh.

Anyone? Whatever.

What do you do with them? You build with them?

You know, like, log cabins?

Okay.

Alright.

Whatever.

Okay.

Craftslut. Oh, that's such a cute title! I'm a Craftslut. I'm allowed to be a... You have a craft date? Yes.

There so cute.

When you said craft, and I'm thinking about, like, body paint.

Mmm hmm.

And, to be creative with that.

Yeah.

Do that, and you can get a huge piece of paper and roll around in it.

Just don't get it on the couch, or something.

Collage. Alter books. Oooh. I don't know what that is. But, I know a collage is, and that's sounds fun. I was wondering the other day... Does anyone do scrapbooking anymore? Is there an electronic way to do scrapbooking?

You know there's an app for that?

There's an app for everything.

I saw a travel one. And, you can document your travels.

Okay. Love all of y'alls ideas.

Okay, so, now we're going to go into some non-sexual things that you can do with your lover or lovers. And, definitely the things we just mentioned that you can do by yourself. Takes nothing to add two or few, to have some more fun. That's something that cute. Thank you.

And, now that you mention laser tag, we were talking about, like, going paintball fighting. And, going to do water ballooning, right? On a nice summer day. Get all wet and go for some ice cream and then dry off, and just continue the date. That would be real cute. Going to the park, playing tag. So, maybe you can do the consensual kissing tag. I know people be looking like, what are they doing? Just a whole bunch of people kissing each other. They want to get in, but

Yeah.

Doing things inside, like, some people like to go camping. But, what if you can't get to see that place that's really far and expensive. So, you know, what we used to do as kids? Build indoor forts! So, pull your furniture together. Get you a top sheet, that apparently, the millennials don't use. I saw an article about that. They don't use top sheets anymore.

So, get that top sheet from the top of the shelf.

Oh, millineals are ruining the world.

Yeah, get your fort going on.

Yes.

Cooking together can be definitely very sexy and intimate. You can feed one another. What else?

I think about, like, trying, like, just going out and being adventurous. Like, trying new things. I think, sometimes, we get in a routine, and we have that favorite restaurant that we like. And, so we don't try different things. Reading out loud to each other. Like, even writing a script, or a play together. You know, taking that whole imaginary day dreaming stuff, and being, like, I'm going to write this and you're going to write this... I just have a really fun kind of story. And, reading erotica, and those different things, together.

Okay.

I don't know. Yeah. I like that idea, of, like, I love the idea of just doing things outside more. Something that I've been wanting to do, is that place where everything is, like, a bounce house. Sky zone.

Okay.

Let's go to Sky Zone, and just going and bouncing. And, interesting enough, what I've been saying that, like, when I think about a pleasure play date, that isn't sexual, I always think of having a kid with me. So, I'm always, like, we have to get our nephew. We have to get our nephew. Instead of being just, like, let's just go outside and play.

Yeah.

Play tag. Let's go to Sky Zone and jump around. Let's go to the ballpen. And, why not? Because, people are going to look at us, like, we're crazy. But, I think we're going to have fun.

That's so unfortunate, because, like you were saying earlier, it's a time period of age, where you're not supposed to play. Or, people look at you as if you're not mature.

Yeah.

You're still, like, a big kid. And, what's wrong with that?

Yeah.

Right.

Some people view it as a negative. But, it's a positive.

This idea of a drag date, of, like, giving each other crazy hair and makeup sounds like a lot of fun. Thank you, Chris, for explaining what the alter books were. Oh, maybe going around with different themes and ideas. That would be fun. Okay.

Oh, I saw that where people put paint over their stretch marks.

Yes. You all are full of such great ideas.

Alright. So, anything else that you want to add, definitely feel free to do so. We are going to keep it moving, and, we're going to talk about the solo sexual pleasure play dates that you can do.

Yeah. So, we've been talking non-sexual things, but, we really, what y'all are really here for. It's like, we want to get into the more sexual, and pleasurable, things that you can do with yourself and with your partner. Do you want to talk about solo play dates?

Yes. So, often times we talk about being sexual and sensual with another person. But, just like when we talk about masturbation, it is important that you are able to provide yourself with the things that make you feel good. And, then, in turn, you can let someone else know those same things. Then you can double up on the pleasure. So, we're going to take a few minutes to talk about some of the things that we thought of. And, definitely want to ask you about some of your interests and some of the things that you have tried. So, teasing yourself. We've talked about this in the past. It's a little thing called edging. So, edging is the practice that you masturbate, stimulate yourself. And, you bring yourself close to climax, but you don't. And, then you decrease, or completely stop the stimulation to, kind of, bring it back down to one or zero. And, then you keep going back and forth until you get to the point where you're just absolutely ready to orgasm. Go to the point of no return. And, then you release all of that build up that you've been going back and forth with for, maybe, five, ten, fifteen... Some people can even go for 30 minutes. So, that's a really sensual thing that you can go. Which is, simply, delaying your orgasm so that you can have a stronger, more powerful, one. Something that I love to do, and, have been doing more of recently this year, is taking baths. I do bathe. I'm speaking specifically of bath time in the bath tub. I like to get the lighting and the candles together. Get a nice little play list that ranges from, like, smooth R and B, to just, like, rain drops and weather or nature sounds. Things like that. And, I just, literally, take that time for myself. And, I look forward to it, because there's so many things that I'm doing. I'm ripping and running and I'm going. But, I know that, it literally takes time for me to get the bath ready. To light all the candles. To find the perfect music. To get everything right, so I can sit there, in the bath, with my music. My eyes closed. My bubbles blowing. Got the bath salts. For, like, 30 minutes, or so. So, I really like that.

I know. You're making it sound all magical and beautiful.

I know. It is magical. Because, then you want to take it up a notch. A protip! Get a little masturbation magic going on. And, just releasing all that with the water. We can talk about that.

Not yet.

It's something I really, really enjoy. And, then, also, like, reading and writing and journaling.

Yeah.

So, this could be something you want to explore if you've never looked at it. But, some people really find pleasure in just creating in another way with, maybe it's your own fantasy that you want to journal and write down. And, then reflect on it later. It could be, I just want to get the thoughts out and write it now. And, then maybe you want to go back and read it for excitement. Or, to orgasm. Or, to masturbate to orgasm.

Yeah. Two things that I've been adding to my solo pleasure play list. I've been exploring, kind of, like, how you were talking about, like, the nature sounds. And, how you're in the water. It's my eco sensuality. And, so, trying to... I just feel really connected to nature. And, so, spending more time building up my fantasy, my relationship with the moon. And, with water. And, with earth. And, fire. I've been finding fire, like, lighting more candles. So, I think, for me, finding those different elements that make me feel good. And, figure out different way to spend some time with it. So, maybe, howling at the full moon. How do I masturbate in my window with moonlight? Or, just spending more time outside, and, just, like, being, allowing those feelings to, like, do nothing with them. And, we talk about, you know, different, like, playing, like... We talked about being a spy and dressing up. And, so, role play, and, just, playing dress up for myself. I think about role play always as something with my partner. But, how do I, like, put on something sexy for me. Maybe, put on a different persona. A different accent. I'm good with different accents. And, just spending time in the house. Walking around the house doing different things, and being sexy for myself. And, dressing up for myself.

Right. I'm dressing. Teasing yourself that way. Being in the mirror. Doing a little, one two, step toBeyonce. Love on yourself and just enjoy the way that your body is. The way that it looks. And, just work one that as another form of feeling.

Yeah. It's being centered in my pleasure. Thank y'all so much for these tips. Like, we see y'all are... Clitosaurus. I love that. Like, letting us know tips. So, thank you all so much! Let's see. Oh! Go ahead with that edging. That's fine.

A little mutual masturbation there. Okay. I see what you're did there. I love bath time. I feel like I'm doing alchemy when I add the dead sea salt. Essential oils. Or, something. Like, it's going to be such an indulgent. Soaking away all the stress. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. I totally dress up by myself. Full makeup. Hair. Being a stripper for myself! Yes!

Yes! Oh, I love that!

Teach me how to do makeup.

I know.

Okay. Thank you. You all are adding such great, great stuff.

I'll have to write this stuff down.

So, thinking about partner sexual play dates. Right? We were thinking about how we feel like we perceive the message from media that when comes to being an adult, like, the fun part is sex. And, so, there's no need to add any games. Or, anything extra to it. And, if you have to add something extra to your sex life, then you're not doing it sex right. And, so, a lot of times, we get in this routine where we, kind of, get in a rut. We know the position that makes us cum. And, we know how long to do this. And, we know what toys we like to use. And, we don't explore and have fun and put... Apply games to that. And, we also know, that, like, when you are doing games with your partner, it can be such a great way to connect and to bond. It could be such, like, creates such laughter and these beautiful moments. Like, Raffaela said, if you're competitive, it could be, like, a really great sexy competition between you all. You can learn a lot about your partner. If their a sore loser. Or, if their a really supportive partner. If their cheaters. But, it can just be a lot of fun. It's a way to connect and to bond. And, also, like, to build anticipation. So, if you are planning on having more, like... But, let's say, you're planning on having penetration to orgasm, or something more sexual. Oral sex, or something. This would be a really great way to build anticipation. To just get turned on by touching one another. Touching yourself without, um, without, like, doing something explicitly sexual. And, so, we think that these pleasure play dates. Sexual pleasure play dates that we've come up with, are just, like, a really fun way to build in games and fun things in your life. So, anything you want to add to that?

Yeah, I was just thinking, you know. The things that we've already come up with, that we can enhance the relationship. So, like, even if it wasn't a sexy game that we are going to talk about. For example. Luna. Battleship. What is a way that you can make that, like, a sensual game with someone that you're playing. Are you going to add extra rules? Like, okay. If you hit my ship, then I have to do this. Or, something like that, you know? So, you just have to be creative. And, that's like the whole point of it.

We're going to show some more games. Any ideas that you all have, for, like, fun, sexy, playful things that you can do with your partner. Please let us know. We love all those ideas you all have been contributing so far. So, someone mentioned earlier, Hide and Go Seek. So, switching it up, ya know, Hide and Go Freak. So, what are the different things that you can hide around the house? Or, in, like, people's spaces? That would, kind of, set the mood for later on. So, how do you, say, "I've hid things around the house. Whatever you find will be used later on tonight"? So, that could be, like, hiding a water sex toy in the shower caddy. Hiding some blindfolds.

Mixed in with the ties.

With the ties.

Hiding something. Hiding whatever in the kitchen drawers.

Hiding it where the cutting board is.

Yep. Ya know.

I was just thinking of different ways you can hide things. So, that everything that's found will be brought into the situation later. Yeah. And, so, it gets them going and thinking about what are all the things that are hidden. Is this a pop? They might bring some stuff in that you're, like, I didn't hide that! But, like, let's use it.

You know, I was thinking of those sandwich bags zippers. You know the chip clips.

Oh, the chip clippers. Like nipple clamps.

I didn't hide that... But, we can

We can put it in there.

Along with that, you can think about it like a scavenger hunt. So, maybe, instead of it just, like, I've hidden things around the world, go find them. Maybe, you have, like, clues, and puzzles everywhere that they go that leads them somewhere else. Then, there's different ways that you can hide. Set it up to where the scavenger hunt leads to something that is Something that will be happening later on.

Yeah. Luna said that, with Battleship, they'll make them dirty talk their guess, like, B 45. Oh, no, it be like, B 45.

Okay. So, I already said that I like to play video games. So, you know, sometimes, especially, like, when you're on social media and everybody's talking about how one partner always on videos games. And, not paying attention to the other partner. And, they're just so engulfed. So, how can you, like, make it fun for the both of you at the same time? So, I'm thinking, like, so I'm playing Super Mario. And, I lose a life. Alright? So, how can my partner encourage me, or, make me feel better or, like, if I do win, then you have to take off a piece of clothing. Or, something like that. So, again, with the games you already play, how can you just make it more fun and engaging?

Take it off! So, this one we were talking about... You can pick out a song. Pick out something that you really like... Cute shoes, if that's what you're in to.

Everyone is different. Whatever you're able to do. Take it off. At the end of the day, don't put to much pressure on yourself. The whole point is to have fun. And, even when you, like, talk about people having sex, sometimes you do mess up. Sometimes you do laugh. So, it doesn't take away from the experience at all. Just incorporate it. And, it just kind of shows how strong your relationship is.

Yeah. Yeah. Something that we're thinking about, is Red Light Green Light. Like, how, this is a game I used to play a lot as a kid. So, if we were to how can you start and put it at the tip of your head. Your crown. And, when you say "red light", you've got to stop. And, keep doing that until they say "green light". So, that would be a fun way to get to explore. And, like giving your partner control, and this is where I want you to stop. Or, where I want you to keep going. And, also, just, like, playing with And, yeah.

So, can you all hear us now. Something about the volume.

Oh!

What about now?

Can y'all hear us now?

Yes?

Oh, I guess we're not talking, so you wouldn't really know if you can hear us because we're just sitting here quietly.

Alright.

Can y'all hear us?

Let us know if you can hear us.

So, okay. Yeah, there you go. Can y'all hear us now? Is this any better?

Can you hear me now?

Red light green light attention.

Okay.

It's better. Great! Thank you! Yeah. So. Red light green light. So, that's what we're talking about. Great. Thank you, Justin. Awesome. You know, I think I had a paper and I put it over the speaker. I'm so sorry.

That one little piece of paper.

The speaker is right here and right here. I don't know. So, we figured it out. Problem solved!

Great.

So, it sounds like from what Heatherly is saying, that y'all heard about what we said about red light and green light. So, another game we're thinking about is, like, sexy dice. So, this would be incorporating more props. And, so, the sexy dice. They're like really cheap. You can find them online for... We're going to get a little closer... So, you can get the sexy dice online. They range from, like, 10 to 20 dollars. And, they have different things on it. So, one dice will say, like, "suck". Suck. Kiss. Lick. Blow. Which gets really interesting. And, the other dice will have, like, different body parts. And, so, it can be really fun to, like, just play that. Mix it up. See what the combinations become. And, then setting up, maybe, some rules. So, that, you can say, like, we'll spend one minute doing whatever this thing says. Because you really find out, like, Oh my god, he didn't know I like having my ear sucked, but, a minute of this, and this feels So, it's a great way to find, like, other erogenous zones. And, to really slow down. And, to not, just, like, go straight for your go to sex position. But, to really get to explore other parts of the body.

Okay. And, we did hit, or someone mentioned role playing. So, that's definitely a fun one. So, just be creative with your script and your role. It could be you had a long, stressful day at work, and, you need a massage. So, once again, I'd be a happy ending happy massage. Going to get a bunch of baby oil all over the place. All over your body. Really work out all those kinks. What is that going to be for you? Well, maybe, you're going to see your personal trainer for a one on one session. And, they want to get your stretching deeply. You know, get those legs stretched this way. The other one that way. And, in between pushing down. I don't know. It's yours to write. There's a whole bunch of different things that you can do. So, you know, be free. Be creative. Some you can check online. There's a lot of different examples.

But, now I'm thinking about going back to that question, "What other life could be like?" How can I do a role play where I'm a spy?

And, I'm a mechanic.

And, you're a mechanic.

Oh! Oh so much fun! So, advanced role play could be... Where, instead of saying, like, for this brief section of our time together. Of our evening of our sexual experience where we're going to be in these specific roles. You can say, "We're going to be in our roles all day. We're going to wake up. I'm another person. I'm another name. I got another accent. You dressing differently. Asking yourself, "How would this character dress?" "What would they eat for breakfast?" You know, "How will this character show up?" And, then, maybe, you and your partner decide to meet up somewhere at the... Later on today you have a date with your first date. Who knows? You have a date together. And, they have to pick you up, or you're picking them up. Or, you're trying to seduce each other. You can create this whole script where you're different people.

Yeah.

And, then you get to ask yourself, like, "Oh, were their pickup lines cheesy?" "Would I actually come home with this person?" Like, "I don't like their character." You better find your way... Or, you come home, and, it's, like, asking yourself, how is sex differently. How would this person moan? How would they be in their body? What would they ask for? So, sometimes escaping or getting to be another person, can be a fun way to explore different parts of us. So, maybe, you're not a loud person having sex. But, you get to play the character that's a loud, demanding person. And, you can explore in that way.

Okay. So, actually, can you put the link back in?

I'm going to add the link again.

So, I want us to talk about this awesome wordsearch puzzle that we created for you called Pleasure Finder. So, the whole point of this is... We didn't put a word link in it intentionally, because we didn't want you to look for something specific that you want done, or that you want to do. So, the whole point is, when you find the word, you have to do it, or have it done to you. And, if you can build them up and get a whole bunch in a row. And, then do back to back to back with that thing. Or, you can say, "You know what? Today I want to do two." And, then I'll put my puzzle to the side, and I'll come back the next day, and you find a few more words. So, check out the link for the pdf for that and enjoy that.

They're also really easy to make. So, if you and your partner want to make one, there's lots of websites where you can go, and, like, put the different things you all want to try in there and find it an create your own word search. And, yeah, we also, I think we have in there one of our other worksheets, which is called Switch It Up. So, that one shows a bunch of different fun things you can do to kind of switch up your sex life.

So, just cut it out. Make it into a cube. And, you can just it like a dice. So, we talked to you about the sex dice that you can get online. Just for you. It includes edging, which we've mentioned. Role playing. And, just a bunch of different things. So, have fun with that. Definitely give us feedback if you do decide to play with it, and let us know what you think.

So, yeah, those are just some of the games that partners, sexual pleasure play dates that we came up with. And, I think it's really important to remember... To always remember when we're doing these play dates, to not have a lot of expectations. It might just My partner and I have been, like, having tickling battles for, like, the past week. And, there were times wheen we were so, like, sweating and hurting and sore from tickling so much that it's, like, ain't nobody about to have sex. We're going to bed. We're tired. You know, so sometimes, you might think we're going to do those play dates and it's going to become a super sexy thing, and, then you might just be, like, we're fine, we're good. And, so then you're not putting all this pressure on it to be, like, we have to do this thing. You might feel awkward at times. So, just keep going. Stop where you want. Take deep breaths. Sometimes it can feel so weird doing something fun when you're so used to, like, being serious adults. So, giving yourself the space to just explore and to experience that. And, to note the emotions that come up for you.

Yeah.

So, let's take a few moment to talk about what you are going to do. How are you going to incorporate all of this fun, amazing, juicy stuff that we've been talking about and actually insert more pleasure into your life through playing with yourself sexually, or nonsexually. And, with your partner. So, again, like we talked about, this is about fun. This is about giving it a try. Being patient with yourself and being creative. If it doesn't work out, then you can move onto the next thing. There's a whole bunch of different games that you can play. And, you don't have to sell yourself short. This is just the beginning. This is just a start. This is just a few ideas. So, definitely use some of the ones that we talked about. But, don't hesitate to, again, do what feels good to you. If you've grown up and you love Scrabble. My family used to play that all the time. And, someone else mentioned Words with Friends. How can you incorporate that to your self care? And, to just inserting more pleasure. How can you do that with some of your friends, or your partner? And, get like, a little tournament going. Or, whatever the case is. So, um, yeah. Let's start with thinking of two goals that you have. Or, two goals for inserting more games into your life. And, then let's come up with two things that you can get to that goal.

Okay.

Okay.

A goal that I would have is to do more dates by myself. I don't know, for some weird reason I have all this, like...

How do you go Freak Friday's tomorrow?

I like it.

Love it.

For some reason, I have all these, like, weird feelings that if I do something by myself, that, I'm, like, lame. And, so I'll. feel more like not go to a movie or go out to eat by myself, because I'll feel like people will think I don't have any friends. Which, is so ridiculous. I do have friends. I promise.

You know, it's just that internal dialogue. Or, whatever. And, so, for me, a goal would to be to do more nonsexual solo dates. And, let go of my sexual solo dates. And, an action step would be to make a list of all the things I want to do. And, then, to schedule some time. Because if I don't schedule time, I wil tell myself, "Oh, I can't". It won't just randomly happen. So, I need to be, like, this is your solo pleasure play date tine. And, to honor that.

Yeah.

I was thinking of something, like, a role play date. Or, something imaginative you can do with that whole idea of I don't want people to think I'm by myself. So, maybe it could be like you are the secret spy so people don't know where you are. That's why nobody's with me. I do have friend, but I'm in disguise right now! Alright.

That's a good tip. Thank you.

Got thesehit me up! Something for me, I think, I do a lot of physical play with my partner. So, we're always, like, wrestling. I really like to wrestle. Rolling on the floor. Tickling one another. Running after one another. So, maybe incorporating something a little bit more low key. Sweating and panting. So, yeah, doing something a little bit more low key. Like, playing card games. Doing some type of puzzle together. Maybe the one that we just created.

Yeah.

So, I guess the first step would be to talk to my partner and see exactly what they would like. I don't think we've ever had a conversation about some of the games that they played as a kid that they would like to revisit now.

Wow.

So, to have that conversation I think would be really fun. Hopefully, they don't think it's corny. But, even so, we're going to do it today. Put it on the list. So, yeah, I think that's one of the first action steps I'll have.

That sounds fun. Y'all are really playful. It's fun. It's inspiring.

People are like, "Are y'all together?" "Are y'all like, cousins playing?"

Yeah, I think we're, like, almost out of time. If anyone has, like, any of their goals, or, to incorporate more play, or games or pleasure, into their life, let us know. We hope that you all spend some time to think about how you cannot just, like, give us all of your great ideas. And, what does it mean, like, intentionally implement these things into your life. And, we also wanted to mention, that this was a theme for us for this month. And, so, it's also something we shared in our newsletter. And, so, if you enjoyed it feel free to go to our website and sign up for our newsletter so you can get more great content like this.

And, also, to go along with that. If you missed the beginning, we did talk about something else that's happening centered around play. It's Don and Sarah's Explore More Summit. So, if you click on the link that we added to the chat with the puzzle. With the Switch it Up at the bottom, there is a cute picture of us with a quote from our chat during the summit. And, if you click the picture, it will take you to the website so that you can register. Again, if you register early, you get some free goodies. And, registration is free. So, why not? You'll get to learn a lot of good, juicy, sexy, freaky, fun, playful things. And, tip.

Be sure to check out everyone else on O school who are doing amazing, amazing work.

Amazing.

If anyone has any questions, please let us know. Otherwise, we hope that you all feel inspired with all of the different pleasurable and creative fun things that you can do by yourself. With your partner.

Hit us up on social media.

Let us know what y'all are doing.

Let us know how everything is going for you. And, like Afrosexology everywhere. Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Let's us know what's working. Give us your tips. Your advice that we can share with other folks.

Thank you all so much for spending an hour with us on your Thursday evening. We really appreciate all of you all that tuned in. And, to everyone that's been speaking. Thank you so much for your love and support.

See you later.

We're going to hang out for a minute to see if anyone has any questions. Thank you so much, Luna. We're glad that you feel inspired. Thank you.

Oh, I'm so glad!

And, I'm inspired by you all.

Y'all had great ideas. Laser tag! Y'all don't know how that blessed my life. Because, I have... That was my game growing up. So, thank y'all. Thank you so much.

Okay.

Thank you so much, Justin, for moderating. And, thank you, Clitosaurus for keeping us updated on those tips. We appreciate all the work y'all do. You all have a great evening. Enjoy the rest of your night. Hopefully, we've inspired a play date that's going to happen tonight.

Play date Friday's. I like that. Freaky Friday. Well, again, thank you. Have a good night.

Bye y'all.

Making a Pleasure Playdate

Date
Fri
Mar 30, 2018
|
2:00 pm
|
Calendar
Friday, March 30, 2018
|
2:00 pm

From Hide and Go Freak to Role Play, come chill with Afrosexology and explore sexy, playful games to add to your sex life!