ON-DEMAND

How to Put on a Masturbation Show

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Streamed
Friday, February 9, 2018

As amazing as your partner might be at sexually satisfying you, no one knows your body like you do. Often, masturbating is something we do in private, but this act of pleasuring yourself can be an intimate experience to share.

Video transcript

Hello again, everyone, thank you so much for joining us this evening. We're excited to have this conversation with everyone,

Yes.

So please take a moment to introduce yourselves and drop a line.

Okay, let's do it!

And we're gonna introduce ourselves as well. So my name is Rafaella.

I'm Dalychia.

And we are the creators of Afrosexology. Afrosexology was created by us because we felt that there was something missing in a lot of conversations within our community. Mainly around pleasure, around agency, about sex positivity in general, and so we figured, let's go ahead and create it. So we did. And here we are, and here you are with us, as we continue to go on this journey towards sexual liberation for all.

Yeah.

Yes!

And we're really excited to be doing with O School, I don't know if y'all have been tuning in to some of the other streams, but there are some amazing pleasure professionals who are doing great educational work here, and so we're just really glad to be a part of that community, and to show, if you will, our, one of our favorite things to talk about, masturbation, and all the different things you can do with it. And if you saw the stream that was happening before ours, it was about introducing sex toys with your lover, so hopefully you can use some of those ideas, and some of those toys, as we talk about putting on a masturbation show for your lover.

Yeah. We're good at all connecting. All of it connecting. So before we get started, we wanted to do a little bit of ground rules, like I know we're in an online space, but we just wanted to make sure that everyone feels heard and respected and that we lay a foundation that makes sure that we have the most pleasurable conversation possible. So, O Justin is our moderator, thank you so much Justin, for moderating with us tonight. Justin will be responsible for dropping links throughout the livestream that are relevant to you all, and will also be helping us to moderate the conversation. Hey, Chief Oh! Will be helping us to moderate the conversation in case any of the ground rules are violated and people have to leave the chat. So let's make sure that we all have a great time.

Yes, definitely.

So one of our first rules is confidentiality. So, we all have our screen names, and we're here, and Rafaella and Dalychia are here, I just talked about myself in first person which is weird, but, as we share something in this space we want this space to be open and comfortable and intimate and if we share something and you want to go back to your community and share with your partner, your friends, we ask that you keep names confidential and just share the information. So instead of saying, you know, Dalychia really likes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, you can say that, oh I really heard this great thing that someone enjoys and finds pleasurable, and it was so interesting to me. So take the information with you, leave the names and identifiable information here.

So to go along with that, since we'll be sharing information, sometimes you may hear something that you may not particularly be into, or something that you never heard of, so one thing that we like to say is, don't ill my ahh. So that basically means that what is enjoyable to me doesn't have to be enjoyable to you. But don't make me feel bad about it. Don't shame me, don't put me on a guilt trip. And we wanna make sure that everyone feels comfortable to share all of their experiences without fear of being put into a box.

Yes. Yes. Another thing is that we are really, we love interactive workshops, and we know that we're in an online space, but we are not planning on talking at you that entire time. We really want to encourage active participation. So if you're just watching and you're not in the chat, go ahead and join the chat. And throughout the conversation, we're gonna be asking you all questions and we encourage you to participate, share, we're here to learn from one another, we're here to learn from you all, as well as actually to share some information with you, so asking for everyone to bring their A game and to participate. And as you bring your A game, definitely be in mind of your language, and in your tone as much as possible, even though we'll be typing, so watch out for things like using capital letters, where it seems like you're maybe yelling or screaming at someone for something. And with that, if we feel like someone is using language that is shaming, or...

Hateful.

Hateful, anything like that, we definitely wanna address it appropriately and if it's something that continues we will have to ask you to leave. Literally. Give you the boot.

Yeah. And we don't wanna do that.

We wanna keep this space safe.

Mhm.

So that's one way we'll have to do it.

Yeah, so along with that we're introducing Ouch and Oops. Did I say that right? Yes, I did. So if there's any moment someone says something that you thought was hurtful or offensive to you, just go ahead and type ouch and we can take a pause and adjust our situation and give that person a chance to say oops, my bad, and kind of reframe or backtrack about what they were saying. And so that's a way to just make sure that we're all able to advocate for ourselves and respect each other and apologize when we need to in this space.

Definitely.

Serving onto speculation, okay,

Thank you.

We regulate.

Help is always appreciated. So, with all of those things, we definitely want to hope that everyone enjoys the space and the time. But we also wanna ask if there is anything else that you would like to add into this space, before we move on.

Yeah. Most importantly, have fun. This is going to be a very fun conversation, we hope. So it's okay to get excited. And we hope you do get excited. Maybe even turned on. Whatever! Let's have a good time. So if you wanna add any ground rules to this space, go ahead and type that in, if not, give us an exclamation mark so that we know that you're on board.

And as we wait for that, we do wanna bring attention to the money jar that is to the right of the conversation bar. So that is for tips! We appreciate them, we appreciate you. And we would love to get some of those, so that we can continue doing the work that we do. I did not mean for that to rhyme, but that's how awesome I am. So yes, please check that out. And keep that in mind as you watch all of the other pleasure professionals on O School.

Alright, we're getting exclamation marks. So we're gonna take that as a go. Alright. Thank you all for your participation. So, first, we want to know from you all, why did you decide to tune in to this particular livestream tonight? What are you hoping to get out of this topic, when you heard that we're gonna show you how to put on a masturbation show. What came to mind? We wanna make sure that we're able to meet all of your expectations, or maybe just adjust some expectations if we're not gonna meet them. So yeah, so tell us what made you tune in tonight. And we are gonna talk about why we decided to make this livestream.

Yes. So, one thing I did wanna say, about expectations, is we have had a few people reach out to us and ask if we were going to be showing masturbation. No, it's not that type of show. So if that's what you were hoping for, we can do better than that, by showing how you can do it yourself.

Yes, we're not masturbating.

No, we're not.

On livestream. So why did we create this lecture?

Well one thing, which I think is pretty obvious, it's becoming Black Love Day and Valentine's Day, so a lot of loving on one another, thinking outside the box, it's something you can do differently than last year, different ways you can love on yourself, and with a partner. So I think that was one of the first things.

Yeah.

Perfecting timing.

Yeah. Yes. Thank you for bringing up Black Love Day. I got so many questions about what is Black Love Day. So Black Love Day. It's February 13th. Started in 1993, and it's a day to celebrate black love of self, black love of the creator, black love of the family, of your family, black love of your community, and the black race. And someone was like, isn't that Valentine's Day? That is recent, and that's from a TV show, and just, you know, Black Love Day is here to stay. So yeah, when there's already Black Love Day, Valentine's day, a quick history lesson for you all. I'm really excited to be doing this livestream because masturbation is one of my favorite things to talk about, but often times when we're talking about masturbation, we are doing a lot of work to unpack shame around masturbation. And so this is kind of on the opposite end of that spectrum of not only are you moreso comfortable masturbating, but we're gonna even show you how to do it for somebody else and so it's a lot of fun, it's... One of our most fun workshops, and so I am always excited to get to talk to people just about the pleasure, and mostly pleasure. Yeah. So Alicia says she's never put on a show and is curious about learning what that is. Awesome. Thank you Justin for dropping that link. Um... Anyone else got any expectations or want to tell us why they tuned in tonight?

If not, that's fine, no pressure.

Yeah.

And we can move on to the next thing, and if you think of anything, if you do wanna add it, just add it anyway and we'll try to go back, do the comments, and make sure we didn't miss anything or anyone.

Yeah. So I'm gonna answer Alicia's question. What is a masturbation show? And so a lot of times when we think about masturbation, it's something that we think of that has to be done in private, that has to be done just by ourselves. A lot of the times there is, there may be shame around it, there may be anxiety, there might be a rush-ness around it, I don't know if that's a word. But it's not something that we think about including other people in. And so, when we were thinking about masturbation, how can you really bring up your lover into it, but more importantly, how can we make it an event, like an entire show? And so a masturbation show is really where you're masturbating either, and we'll talk more about how you wanna do your masturbation show, so either with your partner or with your partner watching or while you're recording a video for your partner. But it's about you being in tune with your body, masturbating, bringing yourself the most pleasure, and inviting someone in to be a part of that experience to either watch or participate, to support, to just like, admire and worship you as you please yourself. But yeah, it's a great way to teach your lover about how you please yourself, because I am a strong believer that I know how to please my body better than anyone else, and so I can show you tips and techniques, but having you watch me please myself. It's just another beautiful experience, intimate experience, that you can share with your lover.

And I think one other important thing to mention, is that it's a huge slap in the face to the idea that people who are in relationships do not masturbate. Because a lot of the conversation I hear sometimes is that masturbation is for someone who is lonely, or if they're a single person, because they can't get anything else or anything better. So if you are masturbating and loving and knowing yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We again, highly encourage that. But then also if you can do that in front of your partner, with your partner, I think that says a lot about your relationship as well.

Yes. Yes.

Your relationship with yourself and with your partner.

Yes.

Definitely.

Yes. So Susan said, I like to watch really good sex positive sexuality educators, thank you for the love, Susan, for the affirmation. Vow wants to put on a show for her man. For their man, and we're gonna show you how to do that. Alicia, I only have orgasms when I masturbate, rarely with a partner. Rarely with partners, but I'm nervous it would make my partner feel weird. We're gonna address all of those hangups later. But yeah, if you usually masturbate with yourself, showing someone how you bring yourself to, usually masturbate, or orgasm with yourself, showing someone someone how you bring yourself to orgasm might be a great way to give your partner some tips on how to help you, achieve orgasm while y'all are having sex.

And, not only that is, maybe you can incorporate masturbation during your sex with your partner, and that can increase and enhance the arousal.

Natalie, I want to learn to be viewed confidently with my partner. I love that. Beautiful. We're gonna do all of that. But before we can get to the juicy fun sexy part about a masturbation show, we have to cover the tools, right? So like, what's the body parts that we're using as we're masturbating? What are our different erogenous zones? What are some tips and techniques? So we're gonna do a little bit of that foundation work before we get to the show part.

And this juicy and fun.

It is juicy and fun, talking about anatomy is great! So Justin dropped in links, and...

So we're gonna check out the first link.

The first link is a, yeah.

Well, actually, they're the same link, but... No worries, so just click on the link. And what we are gonna talk about is the anatomy. And we're gonna go through the parts of the vulva. So, if, is anyone having difficulty pulling up the link? If it's a go, and you can view the images, just gives us an exclamation mark.

So yeah, the first link should be a picture of a vulva, then it should be followed by a picture of a penis. Make sure you're on the right link. Yes. So if you got it pulled up, give us an exclamation mark.

Alright, perfect.

Awesome.

So, one reason that we wanted to go over this is, as we've been doing a lot of workshops on masturbation, we have found that a lot of people with vulvas do not know,

You're gonna use that?

Yeah! Vulva puppet! Are not aware of their own anatomy, and the functions that different parts hold. So we definitely wanna go over that. Because when you know the parts of your body, you know how to stimulate, and you know what they can do for you, then you can increase or enhance your pleasure. So, this is a vulva puppet. It looks kinda like the image, but not really, but you can kind of get the gist. So the first part at the top of the list is the mons pubis. So we're gonna say that's this area here. So if you think about below your abdomen, and you put your hand on that lower part, that fleshy fatty part of your body. That is what we're talking about, right here, okay? So you can actually receive pleasure from that area, because you can push on it, where you're increasing pressure and you can rub it and massage it and that can make it more enhanced as well. So that's one thing that some people realize, but they don't really know that that's what's happening, is when they're masturbating on their stomach, and they're getting that pressure and they're feeling that increased sensation. Alright, so we wanna go down to the second, which is the labia majora, so that's these here. And this actually fills up with blood, as you're aroused, so it gets bigger in appearance. You can rub on it, you can stroke it, you can pull it, you can do a lot of things with your fingers to increase the sensation as well. Alright, the second one is the clitoris. And oh, there it is! You see the hood? Boop! Not everyone's hood looks the same, right? So some people's are bigger, smaller, you can see it like this, sometimes it's completely covering the clitoris. But there it is, and so, by stimulating this area, you can definitely increase your pleasure, some people need to have this area of their body stimulated before they can reach orgasm. So this is a very important part of the body. It actually has more nerve endings, than the tip of the penis.

Twice as much.

Twice as much.

8000.

8000.

And the penis has 4000.

And the penis, there you go.

I know my facts.

With the facts.

Facts are sexy too.

And this is something that we don't know because we don't talk about it. A lot of sex education, a lot of sex in general, is really focused on penis pleasure, and so all of the great amazing, fun, and exciting parts of uh, of the bodies of people who have vulvas, gets ignored. But, no more. So I'm gonna go down to the urethra which is here. That's where the urine comes out of. It can be pleasurable for some, some people want you to skip over it. Then we're gonna go down to the vagina, the vaginal canal. In fact, you can kind of put your hand in there. But anyway, so, this is where you can have things that are gonna, you can use toys that penetrate, or a penis can go in there, your fingers can go in there, and... Continue to go down to the next one, we have the labia minora, which are these. Again, so during arousal that is going to plump up. It's going to look different, it's going to have different sensations. So these are parts that don't have to be ignored doing your self play or play with a partner. And then of course, I've called this a vulva, so the entire thing, this whole anatomy, this picture, it is called a vulva. A lot of people, even myself, when I was growing up, it was a vagina. That's what we thought the whole thing was, but again, this is the vagina, right? And then, we don't need this any more. And then we have the anus, because that can be very pleasurable when played with, when stroked, when penetrated, when massaged, so, that's another part of your body that you can explore and see how pleasurable it is. And then we have the perineum, which is the space in between the vaginal opening and the anus. And that spot can be massaged as well. And that's for everybody. All of them. All sexes. So try to just do a little bit of exploration with yourself or with a partner, with toy or with your fingers to see if that brings you any pleasure or sensation. Any questions? If not, we can do an exclamation mark. And we can go down to the anatomy of the penis. Penis holders. Havers. Anything you wanna add?

No.

No, okay.

That was pretty comprehensive.

Alright, I think we are good to go, so we're gonna move forward, with the next image. If I get some exclamation marks.

I don't see them. Alright.

Okay, there you go.

One is all we need.

Okay.

Okay.

Alright. So, on this next one, we are going to focus on the prostate, the testes, and the penis. So, a lot of time when we're talking about masturbation, people are focusing on the shaft and head, or the tip, of the penis. And kind of excluding testes and the balls. Any anal play in ways that the prostate can be stimulated. By the person themselves, or with a partner. So, all of these things, recognizing all of these parts can definitely enhance the pleasure for everyone involved. And one thing that can be done, is while you're stroking the penis, you can also be stimulating the testes by gently tugging, using a lot of lube and stroking. And a lot of different tips and techniques that we'll actually go over as well. With anus, before we started, we were taking about how you can rub, you can lick, you can stroke, you can massage. So again, if you have a penis or if you have a vulva, it's the same body part when it comes to the anus, 'cause everyone has one. And you can stroke it and receive pleasure from it. And then when you talk about penetrating, you can do that as well, and that is a way that you can stimulate, simul-

Stimulate!

Stimulate!

You got it the first time.

Stimulate the prostate, with toys, with fingers. Okay? Now these other words up there, the bladder, the erectile tissue and the glans, we're not really gonna go over it, it's just the image that we have, but the things that we really wanted to focus on were the testes, the anus, and the prostate. Do you wanna go ahead and start?

Yeah. No. So the next image is just like, an expanded image of, well not expanded, the complete image of the clitoris. And so a lot of times we've heard of the clitoris called the button, or whatever, pebble, pearl. And actually the clitoris is much bigger than this, this is just the tip of the iceberg, and so the image below shows you the entire clitoris, internally. And how at the tip, you're only seeing, externally you're only seeing the tip of it. But it's more shaped like a wishbone, and so, there is debate, but I think most people think that when you're having an internal orgasm as well, you're also just hitting the clitoris. And so your clitoris is very powerful. It's there. There's a lot of great amazing things, it is the only part of the body that its sole purpose is pleasure. Enjoy it, love it if you have one, if your partner has one. Love on it, show it attention. And then the next slide are just some tips and interesting things that you should know about lube in case you're choosing to use lube with a condom, with a toy. With whatever, just to know. But we're not gonna go into detail about that because we kind of wanna move on and get into some tips and tricks. So if anyone has any questions about anatomy, the anatomy of pleasure, pleasure, erogenous zones, and that is just focusing on your genitals, but there is also so many different parts of your body that can feel good. But if you have any questions, let us know. Otherwise we're gonna move on.

Alright. Sorry about that, I'm feeling sleepy. I'm not doing well right now. Alright, so we are gonna go over a few tips and techniques, just a few because there are so many, and then we're gonna ask you if you have any that you would like to share in this space. So the first one is called pattycake. And this is gonna be for people with vulvas. Pattycake is when you take two fingers, and you start to massage and you tap. Or you pat. Pattycake. You pat. You pat your clit. You always wanna make sure that you're using lube, during any time that you're going to be touching the clit, because it's very very sensitive. And if you take dry fingers, and dry clit, it can be painful. So you wanna make sure that everything is lubricated in that area. And this is what you do. Now you're gonna have to figure out the intensity, the speed, the pressure, that works for you, because each clit is different. And this is your time to explore and play with your body to see what works for you. Okay. Good?

Yeah.

The next one is called the third eye. And the reason it's called the third eye is because you take your two fingers again. And you put your clit in between your fingers, and you stroke up and down. So it'll be like this. So one, two, three, that's why they call it that. And you go like this. And so in this motion, not only are you stimulating your clit, but you're also rubbing on those labias, okay? So again we talked about how the clit actually comes down. And you can reach and stimulate other parts of your vulva for more satisfaction and arousal. So as you're rubbing you can rub on the labias, you can tug like this on them, you can even go farther down, and make sure you get all up in there, and get to rubbin' and lovin' on yourself. Okay? So that's what that one is. And the next one is the open faced sandwich. So wait. We didn't come up with these names. But I do recognize the motions. So open faced sandwich is, you use your palm to stimulate. Most of the time this is done while you're lying on your stomach. So, it'll be like this, and while you're grinding and rubbing, you're stimulating your clit, okay? You can use your hand, you can go like this, like that. Up and down, circular. All the while you're gonna be grinding and rotating your hips into the surface. So that's gonna increase and enhance, that's gonna increase the pressure and enhance the stimulation and arousal.

There's an Instagram, I'm getting hungry.

Okay. Another thing you can do is you can penetrate with your fingers, or with a toy. So again we talked about the vaginal opening. So you can use your fingers to go inside, and you... Anyway. You can go up and try to stimulate your clitoris from the bottom in the back. You can go deep inside, like this. And then also you can use a toy, like this vibrator here, to penetrate as well. Again, you wanna use lube, to make sure that it is painless and as pleasurable as possible. And then you can use this right here, which is, sometimes they call this the rabbit. And this can stimulate your clitoris as well. Okay? And then another thing you can do is to use dildos, butt plugs, beads... What was I gonna say, rosaries?

Whoa.

Whoa, but. If that's your thing. Hey.

Well you know what we're up to, thinking about, okay.

Anyhow. So yes, there are a bunch of different tools and toys that can be used to help you find and increase your pleasure.

Yeah and so, Rafaella was saying, we would love to hear some of your techniques and I feel like, I have my go to technique that I know is gonna get me off whenever I need to, as quick as I need it to. So it's always interesting to hear what other people are doing, and it encourages me to explore and to try new things, and so we're just offering a couple of techniques that we have, but we wanna hear from you all. So go ahead and drop that in. And let us know while I talk about some tips and techniques for penises. And while we have a vulva puppet, we don't have a dildo, so I will be using one of my vibrators to show you the techniques. And so, let's imagine that this is a penis, and so there's a lot of times where you can just be stroking it, right? And so, one technique that we think is fun, is the stop and go method, where you're just stroking, until you get to the point where you feel like you're about to orgasm, and you stop, and you decrease your breathing, take a couple deep breaths. Pause for a minute, and wait and then start stroking again. It's a great way to build up the intensity of your orgasm, to just like, tease yourself. Teasing is fun!

Yes.

You know, making things last longer, and that buildup can help you practice self control, and different discipline techniques, but also, can just make your orgasm a lot better. And so another thing that is often forgotten and this toy doesn't have it, are the balls. And so we often forget about the balls as a pleasure, a pleasure area, an erogenous zone, and to pull the balls, stroke the balls, play with it, lightly tickle it, however you want, just showing the balls some attention and some love. A lot of people find the tip to be really sensitive, and so sometimes focusing on that can be a really intensified moment of pleasure. And so just taking the moment to focus on that, maybe while you're grabbing the balls, would be some great techniques. And we talked about anal play. So we have an anal plug. Something to remember when you're doing anal play is that because your anus is a muscle that sucks up and does all that good stuff, you wanna always use a toy that has a base that it can not go all the way up. So that would not be fun. So yeah this is a smaller anal plug, and there's different things to do, so maybe your masturbation includes having something up your ass while you're playing with your penis or your vulva, or your tits, or whatever parts of your body. And just keeping that in mind, that your anus is also a pleasure zone, too. Especially if you have a prostate, lots of fun.

Where's our other toy?

We also have,

The flesh, oh.

A cock ring. And so this cock ring can go over the penis and it's, you can also create this with your hand if you just wanna create an extra ring with your fingers and have some extra pressure there while you're stroking it. But this is one of my favorite cock rings because it also has this vibrating component on top. The most cock ring ridges, like single or smaller cup, this is the circle, the circle hand is just to increase pressure and blood flow. Or to restrict blood flow that's coming to your penis and to just help you as to feel sensations. But with this vibration, it's also a lot more sensations with that. And Rafaella brought... If you wanna talk about, because I haven't used it.

I haven't used it either. Okay, and so... Flesh... Fleshlight?

Yeah. Toy.

Flesh toy. So just need to use a lot of lube, and you can put your penis into, this is fun.

Remember that...

Yes! You put your penis in here, and it just... Yeah. Tight, and...

You have to, suggested that you put lube on the penis and then put some drops inside of the toy, so that it's not so hard to penetrate. But this is a toy for people with penises.

Yeah.

And other areas of your body that can feel good, like playing, when you're masturbating, we often focus, like we said, we focus on our genitals but there's so many other parts. So caressing your neck, pulling on your chest, slapping or grabbing your ass, like, moving around, changing positions, there's so many different things you can do. You can incorporate ice and heat, and we have a feather here, incorporate feathers and textures and you can blindfold yourself, all these fun things to increase the sensations you're experiencing when you're masturbating.

And I wanted to mention one of my favorites. The satisokay, well, it's inverted. Anyway, Satisfyer 2. This is a little mimic off of the womanizer, and this uses the air pressure and suction technology. Listen. Multiple, multiple orgasms, alright? It's great, and it's so discreet. Doesn't this look like the hand part of a Clarisonic where you know, you just, no one will know. When I go on vacation, just put in the bag, no one says anything, 'cause no one will. And it's cute, it looks like some, new age stuff. So yes, there are a lot of toys out there, so you know, go to one of your favorite sites, do your Googles, and just see what they look like and go to your local stores and put them in your hand and see if it's something that you would like to explore in the future. Also liked how Alicia mentioned, the stimulation of their nipples, because again we do sometimes forget about all the other fun parts of our body that really really gives us a lot of pleasure. So let's see how much we can honor all of them at one time.

Yeah. Alisha also shared that they like to start with fingers in a circular motion, and then finish with a vibrator. Yes for that combination. Use your hand, use your toys, use the anal plug, use sensory stuff, smells, feathers, everything. All of it. We're trying to help you take your masturbation to another level. And for the show.

Right. Take a patch.

Something also we don't think about when we're masturbating, and masturbating with a lover, is mutual masturbation, which could be a really good experience, fun experience to share with your lover. Often again, we think of masturbation as like, a solo act, but when you are engaging in mutual masturbation, it could be you masturbating yourself, your partner masturbating themselves, or you masturbating, or playing with each other, or one person doing both, it's just a world of opportunities that you could do. So yeah so someday... The world of possibilities are endless. So yeah so those are some fun tips and techniques. If you all wanna share anything else, please do. Otherwise, we are gonna move on. To the masturbation show. The main event. We only have 20 minutes left. Let's get to it. Okay. So! Kelly said don't get stuck in one of these. Yes, don't get stuck in a cock ring, don't get stuck in... Don't get stuck. Okay, so. Before we start thinking about our masturbation show, I believe in visualizations, fantasy, all of manifesting, all that good stuff. So I want you to close your eyes.

Okay.

And I want you to think about your favorite masturbation experience. Where were you? What were you wearing? Was there music playing? Was there certain smells, candles lit? Did you use a toy, was it your hand? What was happening in this scene? Now I want you to imagine if your lover was a part of the scenario. How would you want them to interact with you? Would you be masturbating and they're already in the room with you? Do you want them masturbating next to you? Are you masturbating in the room and maybe you're a loud person when you're masturbating, and they hear a noise, and they come into the room. Are you masturbating and then you send them a text, like come here quick, and they come into the room and you're just like, just going to town on yourself. What are you, what are you doing? Are you blindfolded, do you have them in the room and are you telling them that they can look, but they can't touch? Are they handcuffed? Are they allowed to touch you? Are they allowed to touch themselves? Can they only touch themselves? Is there a camera set up in the room, are you recording yourself? Are they recording the video as you're masturbating? What is going on? Are you talking to one another, is there some dirty talk, is there something that you want them to say to you, okay. Sorry. Is there something that you want them to say to you, something that you are saying to them? Is there a role play scenario? Is there an entire constructed scene? Are you all, what do you say? You want the beads from the Catholic church?

No, I did not say that.

Is there like a Catholic thing, scenario going on, roleplay?

Maybe! You know, a lot of nuns and stuff like that.

You know, the masturbation is a sin and that just turns you on so much, and yeah, like what is happening? We want you to think about what your scenario is before we go through what are the steps that you are gonna put together to put together your masturbation show. What do you want this to be like? What do you want this experience to feel like? What do you wanna share with your lover? So, I would love to hear some of your scenarios, if you want to share. Please do.

Definitely feeling your creativity on some of those, you know.

Thank you. Anyone calling me more imaginative?

So Alicia said, yes, but it's when I'm fantasizing about having someone whispering dirty things.

Ooh.

Right.

So, yes. We have a friend who's also a pleasure professional, who has a google list. A Google doc of all of the sexy things that she wants to hear while she's being pleased. So maybe it's, do you need to create a list and say, this is what I want whispered in my ear? And I'm gonna give you the bat call, you're gonna come into this room, and I want you to just sit here, and whisper these things into my ear, and watch me do my work. So I love it Alicia, thank you for sharing. Anyone else, what is your fantasy? What is your masturbation scenario? With your lover? Really good toys, yes. The toys are everything. What is this list?

What did you want to say?

No no no no.

Okay. Well. We can get back to you on that.

Oh Alicia, it's just you creating a Google doc of all the things that you want your lover to say to you. To say to you during sex. So if you're someone who likes dirty talk and you're like, you can call me these things, don't call me these things, I really like to hear this stuff, this thing that might sound weird, but it really turns me on for some reason. Don't ask me no questions, just say it. You know, you could just have that ready so you can hand that to someone and say, this is what we need, what I want to hear, to make sure that we have a great experience.

Okay, let's go on to something else.

Sure.

Let's just move on.

Okay. Alrighty. So, we are gonna move on to the second link, if you haven't opened it up already. And this is going to be the actual work sheet where we talk about what we need to do to create our own masturbation show. So, first of all, we have to be comfortable. You have to be in the space, a headspace where you are wanting that, not only to please yourself, but to be more aroused by the fact that your partner may be watching you, or listening to you, from another room, and that your partner's going to be aroused from watching you as well. So, it's not an easy thing to do, we've talked about a lot of the shame, a lot of the guilt, that we have to grow up with around masturbation because it is something that people shame us for. So how do we get around that? Well the first thing is to one, address where these thoughts and ideas come from. And once you figure out that that is something that you do not align with, that you reject all of that shameful and negative energy and thoughts behind masturbation. Then you can move into the reclaim and own it, and be liberated by it. So then, you have to think about what makes you relaxed. Is it going to be listening to some soothing music? Is it going to be relaxing in a warm bath with your favorite bath salts and oils, to really relax your body fully? Are you going to be wearing something that turns you on, yourself? Are you going to have all of your toys around you so that you can just pick 'em up, use it, and go? You know, just around hoping. So first you have to figure out, what is your space gonna be like? What is going to make you comfortable? Okay. Alright, so, after you figure that out, and you are completely calm, you know what you wanna do, you've already talked about, you've already talked to yourself about what is gonna be present for you, then you go into the action stage. So if there is a piece of lingerie that's particularly, when you look in the mirror and you like, yes, I got it. Where you are turning yourself on and you are ready to please yourself, go ahead and grab that. Put it on. It could be a t-shirt. It could be your partner's clothing. It could be nothing at all. If you're completely comfortable and sexy, or you're working to strive on your body confidence, then maybe that's gonna be a challenge for you where you are gonna be naked all the time. So you have to figure out, what is your presentation going to be? And how comfortable you are. Then, you're gonna move on to setting up that space. So again, you've calmed yourself, you've relaxed yourself, you have your dope music playing in the background, you put on your favorite oils and lotions to make your skin smooth, you have your clothes on, your sexy lingerie, or nothing at all. And then you have your toys, that you're gonna experiment with, or you already know do the trick. So is it gonna be, where's your vibrator? Is it gonna be a dildo, vibrator that's gonna be near you? Are you going to be, let me use this.

Yeah.

Using some restrictors, some handcuffs, some blindfold or something like that where you can increase the sensation that way? And if you're thinking about doing this yourself, maybe you should just have one hand tied up. Because you need help.

Mhm.

Okay. And then, once you've already set the mood of what you're going to use, again, maybe it's just going to be your fingers, that's completely fine. Then you're going to go into inviting your partner into the space. So I really like how you said, oh I'm going send him this text, like come quick. Like that as into you, that's fine. But don't scare them. But yeah, so, you're gonna move support where you're gonna be inviting that audience into the space. Audience.

Audience, I like that for yourself.

And then you can incorporate what is gonna make you feel even more aroused and enhance your pleasure during this time. So, it may be a situation where you want your partner to be far away from you. Or you wanna have the control where you say, you can watch me, but you can't touch me. Or you can't even touch yourself, just to increase that anticipation. So figure that out, communicate that beforehand, to make sure that boundaries are not violated, and that everyone is having the most pleasurable time that they can. And then the last part is, getting this all down and creating your list, of not only how your partner's going to be involved, but everything that we talked about. So you can use these boxes and just jot down your thoughts, jot down your preferences, so that you can really start putting it together. So literally think about putting on a show. It doesn't just happen at once. There's a lot of working pieces, and things that you have to consider in order for it to be successful. And even if it's not completely going the way that you planned, the fact that you attempted it is going to be the most important part. That's going to be the fun part, is just seeing what works and what doesn't work. And what you can change in the future. And then on the same worksheet we do have four little other boxes where it's kind of like little tips on things that you can do to get through this process because it can be challenging, it's something different. And we're stepping out of our comfort zone. So, think about all those things. And then, act on it. And then boom, you have a masturbation show.

So, we're interested in knowing what questions you all have about your, as you're thinking about how you're going to put together your masturbation show. What are some barriers that you might imagine? I know one thing that has come up when we've taught this workshop in the past, is people feeling like, well I don't look sexy when I masturbate, I have this like, orgasm or fuck face or these body spasms, and it's not like the sexiest thing to watch. And I think, you know, we really have to analyze these images that we get from porn and movies where like, orgasms and masturbation and sex is just like this beautiful glow and everyone's perfect and every moan is, I don't know, beautiful and perfect. And to become comfortable falling into that really vulnerable and intimate space, where we're not second guessing ourselves, we're not holding back and yes, your eyes are rolling back, and your face might make some weird scrunches, your body might jerk in a weird way, but that's a part of it. That lets you, those are signs that your body's experiencing pleasure and then your partner is like, holy shit, they're really having a good time. So getting out of our own head about what we're, how we're supposed to look when we're masturbating, and trying to look pretty and perform pretty instead of just, enjoying and being pleasured. I was gonna say performing pleasurably, but, I don't think those two words make sense together. Yeah, so that is, that was one of the biggest hangups I think we heard as people were thinking about, how do I put together my masturbation show? And then just, another one is that it's awkward, I'm uncomfortable! And for anyone who's ever tried anything new in the bedroom, or outside the bedroom, or roleplayed or anything, it is awkward sometimes, and you may laugh, and it might feel weird. It might get tense, but it's always important to just pause, take a deep breath, know that laughter is okay, knowing that awkward moments is a part of it. Which is one thing that I wish movies would show, about how awkward sex can be. And just to keep going, you're having a good time, you're there for your pleasure. No matter what, if you're having a good time, your partner's going to enjoy watching you bring yourself pleasure. How amazing is that?

Dapper Dyke said that sometimes I'm more comfortable with the lights off, but that doesn't work with the show. But I think that it could, because your partner could be turned on by the noises that you're making, with yourself, that the toys are making, and just knowing that you are pleasuring yourself. Also, if you don't want full lights on, maybe you could have one candle lit somewhere. A candle that is a scent that you enjoy. And then you'll just be like a silhouette. And that can be even more arousing and erotic. So, wherever you are, work with that. And then as you get more comfortable, maybe you'll get to the point where every single light is on, and you have extra lights, and candles, and all this other stuff. But yeah, so definitely work with where you are, and see how you can grow from there.

Yeah. Another suggestion would be that if you like the lights off, maybe you could blindfold yourself to where you don't see what's going on. So lights are off for you, but your partner, lover, might be able to still watch and participate, but it's dark for you. Any other questions or hangups? You have about five more minutes left. Anything that you can think of? You know, one thing I was thinking about is, we had someone who was in a... They're a parent. And they were just wondering, when am I gonna find time to do this? And I think that's, that is a real question that a lot of people experience. And I think that if you're making time to have sex, then you have time to have a show. And sometimes you just have to lock the door. Okay I did try to make that rhyme that time. But that's one thing I think I hear a lot about, couples who have children is, working around the schedules of being a parent who has kids who are very much involved, you have to rip and run, and drop them off, and do other stuff, and then when your kids are actually in the house, how are you going to have privacy? I think that's a great start, with just showing your kids about boundaries and privacy for yourself, so you can teach them that they have that same thing for themselves, and you can teach them about that way, if you're practicing it for yourself. So just letting them know like, hey, I need some private time, or we need some private time, and then they'll know, okay. Give parents some space.

Mhm, mhm. Yes. You're welcome, Natalie, I'm glad you tuned in and you enjoyed what you heard. Yeah, okay, thank you Justin! We're Afrosexology, and if you want to keep up with us, we're Afrosexology on everything, our website, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, our e-mail. So yeah, you can find us that way. And if you do have any questions, definitely reach out to us. We have a section on our website where you can just drop a line, and we'll get back to you. And, yeah.

As you're planning your masturbation show, we know Valentine's Day is next week, in case you're trying to put this all together by then. If you have any questions, if something comes up, or if you experience a hangup, please e-mail us, please reach out, let us know, we want to help you feel as comfortable as you can to do this for your lover.

And, yeah. And if you are putting on a masturbation show for yourself, definitely do that, because we are our best lovers, and if we're not there yet, then that's what we are striving to be, is to learn our bodies more so that we can please ourselves better. And so it's not always, and you know if you're not partnered, that is completely fine. So you could put on a masturbation show for yourself. You can use your mirror and watch yourself. You can record yourself and look back at it. So, a lot of different ways that we don't have to exclude ourselves because we are by ourselves.

I love that. Yes, mirror magic. Like having mirrors all set up and just watching yourself, that'd be amazing. Yes, we are our best lovers. I love these resources, thank you. You're welcome so much, Dapper Dyke. I'm glad the resources are helpful. There's lots more resources on our website, so please check those out. We have a lot of worksheets on there to help you explore your sexuality.

Alright, so we're gonna kick back here. We know that there is a bit of a delay. So we will be here for a couple more minutes. So if you have questions... What time do we need to wrap up?

Sure, but yeah, we'll just sit here for a while, but that's it, y'all! That's how you put on a masturbation show! It's not that complicated. We hope that you try it and you have a great time and it's really successful and fun. You can share lots of pleasurable masturbation stories with us. And yeah, thank you all so much for tuning in. And like Rafaella said, unless you have any questions, we're just going to kick back for about three more minutes. Otherwise, thank you. Enjoy the rest of the live streams and O School has great live streams almost every night, I think. But specifically right now, around this Valentine's Day period, there's a lot of really great pleasure professionals who are sharing great tips, great resources, great information. So tune in for other people. Thank you all so much.

Thanks for checking us out. Holla at us on the social media! Hit us up!

How to Put on a Masturbation Show

Date
Fri
Feb 9, 2018
|
2:00 pm
|
Calendar
Friday, February 9, 2018
|
2:00 pm

As amazing as your partner might be at sexually satisfying you, no one knows your body like you do. Often, masturbating is something we do in private, but this act of pleasuring yourself can be an intimate experience to share.