How To Get The Most Out Of Dating Apps

Grindr, Tinder, Bumble, Don’t Stumble. Join SNJ as she tells you about getting engaged after meeting on an app. The Do’s and Don’ts of swiping Mx Right!

Video transcript

Hi, y'all. It's officially 6 pm. Sorry, I read in military time. Thank you, Iona, I try really hard, I'm dedicated to my work, I am a professional clown and I think that it's super important, so. Yeah, not only do I get up and get ready to stream, but I also take three hours to put on face. Okay, this one wasn't three hours, it was like two, but I'm glad you're all here. Welcome, this is O.School and I'm sister nurse Joy. I am a clown, professionally, and not professionally. And you'll know that I like to cry and that's because I just have so much love for all that we do. O.School is the coolest, we teach free sex-ed around the world, and I get messages everyday from Russian girls, they're my primary audience, because of drag and tying, like, saying like--- they can't learn these things in school, so they're super glad, we're able to learn them here. I think that's so beautiful. I'm already crying. If you saw me last week, you see I was also crying. So, say hi in the chat, we're gonna have a good time. Today we are talking about apps. What I title as Summer Lovin, Navigating apps. Grindr, Tinder, Bumble dub Stumble. I love wordplay. I'm gonna tell you about getting engaged. And yeah, I got engaged, after meeting someone on Grindr. So, sister got a mister and she's breaking her holy vows. And I'm excited. Thank you for being here. O.School rocks a really powerful community. We have live, what's the word? Moderators, so Iona is moderating tonight, oh, Justin is also moderator at O.School. It's something that puts us apart from other sex-ed because we don't have robots, I'm keeping it a safe space, I'm in a positive learning environment, we have real humans, who also help us as pleasure professionals and help O.School run as a whole. So thank you so much for being here, Iona. Thanks for stopping in, oh Justin. You'll see when I talk, I just get all sappy. Its' okay, living, true emotions. I think that's everything I wanted to say. Thank you, I'm so excited. I didn't think I'd ever get engaged, let alone, I was planning to live to like sixty as a shrew in a penthouse and now I guess I'm getting married. But, it's beautiful and I love it and I love him, and that's super fun, so I hope you stick around. I'm just gonna like casually, here we go. I also wanna talk a little about who I am and what I do here. You might notice there's a lot of make up on my face. I am a drag queen. I work full time as an ER nurse. And I think a lot about, queer and social theory and gender and the way that all those things play into our expressions in life. My fiance, which I affectionately call my fiancegay, studied philosophy and art in museums and so we talk a lot about art and philosophy and these concepts, because really drag is just like a living art expression. And I just kind of like fuck with that a little bit by taking it and turning it into education and I use my nursing license to straight up get into situations where I couldn't. So I love doing that. We are talking a lot about like what matters and why we do what we care about and like old school nilus style if like nothing matters, you can either like live hard and fast or you can try and make the world better for the rest of the people and it's kinda like the idea of laughing at the absurd. And so that's why I kind of went with the clowny look today. I had some fun with some glitters and I just am like totally about that, you know like, we all work really hard jobs and in it's place, let's laugh at the absurd together. So that's kinda me and my drag laughing at like conserved ideals and bit of religion and the ideas that people throw towards populations and people of like not being good enough or whatever their beliefs may be. And so kind of I'd like to offer in that place. Everyone's welcome here, everyone's welcome at my table and I'm just here to like laugh and have a good time, because we're all gonna die, so we might as well laugh while we can. And I think that that's really powerful. I was just watching this documentary on I don't know why, my make up doesn't set. No, it did, I just always get like a weepy nose when I'm on live stream and I'm not even sick, it's just like emotions. But I was watching this documentary on Netflix and they talk about the way that Jews at Auschwitz and concentration camps during world war two were able to put on comedy shows and they had mimes, and they had different ways of laughing at things, even in the deepest of despair and so I think when we look at current politics and the day and fears that people have, regarding all different things, whether it be immigrants and the border, or the threat of nuclear war or the threat of losing abortion rights or the threat towards queer populations, the way that people of color and trans-populations are abused and killed in our streets in America, there's a lot going on. So, we breathe and we can get overwhelmed but we breathe and we continue breathing and in that space in drag, we like to call out political issues and we like to talk about joy and laugh, because I think everyone deserves to laugh and it's like a very human expression that, it goes beyond languages, it goes beyond experiences and stories. It is like a very bonding thing. So, if you find my humor to be crude or offensive, I'm sorry. Sometimes it is and other times it's just meant to laugh and have a good time, and so when I talk about difficult things, I also am like, oh, okay. So let's talk about apps. We have to like know where apps come from and especially if we're talking within queer culture which is something I love to think about and talk around, a lot of queer culture involved cruising, and cruising is the term, it's just like how we can describe it within modern American Education and studying, but really cruising has been around for a long time. And it's kind of the idea, we can talk specifically toward people with penises, but cruising in parks and at public events and at the gym and bath houses, these are all places that queer people had sex, when it wasn't legal and it's still a place where people have sex even if it is legal. It's also a place where other people who don't identify as queer have sex,. So cruising is this idea of going out and trying to find the next sexual escapade, the next partner and this is a way of, hey, before we had apps, we had cruising, and now we have apps. I was like super lucky to attend a course in college, which was taught by the person who wrote the coding behind eharmony and how eharmony revolutionized the dating world, along with Match.com and now the way that we see Tinder and Grindr and Bumble and blah blah blah blah blah and how many thousands of apps. Scruff, tons of different apps that are out there. And really if you think about it, it's just a way for us to connect on another level. Apps speak towards gaming and the way that humans really desire the idea of winning games, or playing games, but it's interesting how we can gamify our love and our seeking of love. And a lot of people would say that that's bad and I say that there are definitely bad aspects to apps. But I also met my fiance on Grindr, so there has to be some sort of inner ground, in between the two sides. I think that that gray space is always super important to talk about. So, the idea that cruising turned to apps. But that's also just like, that's a very queer analogy, I think it also gives power to people with disabilities, and it gives power to women and it gives power to the socially shy or people who exist within a romantic, or a sexual realms of queerness, to find partners and friends and people to spend time with and people to spend their life with, whether they choose to use apps or not, or whether they choose to have sex or not. Oh my God, sister's mister, that's you know, you know who. So, these are the ideas of, what did I write? I wrote, we had a need for apps. My handwriting is atrocious, I should've been a doctor, instead I'm a nurse, and I also dress up and have fun. So, all these apps exist for different reasons and I think people don't evaluate why they're going to the app before they're on it. And I think we'd have a lot of articles in Cosmo and Vogue and all these magazines, telling us how to use apps and what to use them for and saying the appropriate ways, but at the end of the day, I'm a big fan of a lot of, obviously the sexual educators and pleasure professionals here on O.School and the way I see them interact with people on apps. A favorite of mine is Luna Matatas. She sells these beautiful Peg The Patriarchy stickers. I also got one of her, I have pasties from her and a tank top and I wanna be like her live in best friend. Jokes, I got an apartment with sister's mister, we're doing it, we're real life adulting. But she just showed a screenshot from an app where someone was hitting on her and she was saying, well all I want is to receive oral. And he made this joke, of well what about me? And she was like if that's what you're here for, that's not what I'm here for. And I loved it so much to just be able to say, yep, that's what you're here for and that's what you want, and your pleasure is worth it. O.School, more pleasure, less shame. That is our, those are our hashtags, that's what we talk about. We like totally think that you should be receiving all the pleasure that you want. That you shouldn't be having any of the shame that traditionally stems around sexual relationships, especially when you practice them outside of the norms. So if we move in America towards a time beyond finding a partner or someone to have sex with in our work space or at bars or family gatherings, where it's like, hey I brought this friend, you should come meet them, or where other else? Like churches, or like other places that people get paired off and partnered. It's just like, okay, apps were natural and now they're here and how do we work with them? So, my recommendation as we start rolling into the apps is the idea of figuring out why you're there in the first place. Because different apps can fulfill different like pleasures. Absolutely, so I'm a big fan of Fetlife and they work to connect people within kink and polyamorous communities. They are just an open space and community that, this is just like hey, it's okay if you feel weird coming here, if you have no experience with kink and it's a safe space for you to meet other people and to even coordinate meet ups with people for that time. We obviously have Tinder and Grindr. Grindr to most people is like a hookup gay male app. Tinder is for everyone. We have like Tinder for lesbians and we have Bumble and we have coffee meets bagel and all these different apps that work to change and look at different ways that these apps will function, so some of them require that she reach out to him first or some of them require that you have a mutual connection where you both like each other's profile and then it opens it up to you two having a conversation. And then Grindr's just like hey, you wanna dick pic? Here's twelve, and it's that's the way the different apps function. So, when we approach an app, the idea is totally, yeah I understand Fetlife is Facebook for kinksters and I think of that as like a beautiful, beautiful answer of it. Any apps that you all use or that you're interested in, totally mention them in the chat. I know sister's mister has used all of them. So, what type of encounter are you looking for? If we are thinking about the way that, um, wow, we're gonna go here, like SESTA / FOSTA and the way that that shut down a lot of pages for people to meet up, especially for sex workers, then it's interesting to think about how we still have apps that do the same thing. So, Tinder and Grindr can totally be used for that purpose but because it's for the kosher version of sex, that is like going on a date, even though it's not always used that way, then it isn't and it's not being tracked or shut down by the US government, so understanding that using these apps is also a total privileged ability is important. But when I teach sex-ed I like to mention that there are different ways of having sex. Obviously there's sex with yourself, which is great and should be practiced and then there's also making love with someone, there's having sex with someone and then there's fucking. And I think that there's a huge distinction between those. You could obviously make up a hundred different titles for different types of sexual expression that you have with people or with yourself, but knowing that, hey I'm going to Grindr tonight for a fuck or I'm going to Tinder cause I wanna go on a date and maybe have sex or I want to meet someone and build a relationship with them to a point that we have and make love is super important. Understanding that before you go into an app or before you spend an hour on an app because you're just sexually frustrated, and you have all this energy and you don't know where to go with it can be changing, life changing to instead before you open up the app, before you swipe on the phone, you're like, what do I want for the next hour? What do I want for the next four hours? What do I want for the next week? And why am I looking for someone? I think that a lot of people might necessarily, might not necessarily, anyways, they might not be in a space where they're looking for a partner, but because their friends are getting married, cause they see babies on Facebook and Instagram and because their aunt is being like, "Why aren't you married?" and all these things, then they feel pressured to just like, oh, I'll just download the app and see what happens. And that's unfortunate that we buy into their pressure, and I think that you totally can be on the app 100% whichever way you want, but you don't have to and if apps aren't for you, then great, but understanding app culture and the way that other people in your lives are like working around apps, or dating on apps, can be like super helpful to understanding your friend group. Or why someone is where they're at, what they're doing. Which we'll reach in a second. So, I think specifically, queer apps reach out towards queer people in a way that they're built and function. If I speak specifically towards gay dating apps for people who are interested in people with penises, they are very, tend to not being very trans friendly. Grindr actually just had an update a year or two ago where they're like becoming very trans friendly, but often it's just countless torso's with no heads and there's a lot of hiddennes, or not openness. People don't often seem to be on Grindr or Scruff for a long term relationship. They're usually up in there, looking for sex, which is totally fine. And I am not at all speaking in any poor way, because of that, definitely been there. But knowing that hey, if you're looking for a relationship, then maybe Grindr isn't the stomping ground you're gonna go into, because you're gonna have to swipe through a lot of dick pics. Or if you are looking for a poly relationship and you're looking for a unicorn, or you're looking for a third, then knowing that Tinder could be the avenue for that, but most likely, Fetlife would be better. So just analyzing, it's kind of like house hunting or looking for your next apartment. Knowing what's on the market and what's out there and just using what works for you or what you feel comfortable with is totally fine. So, I will tell a little bit about me and my experience with apps. When I came out, it was just very eye awakening moment of holy cow, what is going on? And there's this whole world out there, and I found Grindr, because I googled in the app store, like gay dating apps. And I realized it wasn't about dating and I had a couple of hookups and a couple of different, short relationships through it. And I used to not feel super great about those relationships but I'm starting to come around to realizing, that was a journey and a process that I needed to go through and I'm way better for having gone through it. And I also appropriately protected myself sometimes, and that's regarding contraception and also my heart. And so that idea of, I don't know, I was just on Grindr, searching how to be gay pretty much. I was like, what does it look like? And it's not a good example of what it means to be queer. A lot of these dating apps are thirsty people, searching for a really good credit score, and/or eight inches or more. So you have to know that Going into it. And I had my first hookup where I bottomed for the first time. And that was this huge experience where I was just like, whoo! O.school's such an yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Iona for posting that. I hope I'm not yucking anyone's yum, the reason behind each app, it's because if it's you use them for sex as long as you're honest, have fun. Absolutely, you can use them however you want. I just want you to know and be a little more educated going into it. And I thought that I was gonna find people in a different way or my communication really wasn't good. And that's where I would express upfront that I was, I was in a realm of not knowing what I was doing, and I was in a realm of figuring out what sex looked like, what queer sex looked like, what I was comfortable with, what I was into, and truly, I hadn't even had that many sexual experiences in my life besides a lot of pent up, sad masturbation. So there's got to be a way to enter into queer spaces and queer dating apps and even straight dating apps if that's what you're into, but I think a lot of it takes time on yourself and working on yourself and figuring out what you're actually looking for. Because I wasn't able to set that straight with people before. I was in these situations and then it was just frustration, and everyone's frustrated and some people are upset, and you're like I was just on this app like 20 minutes ago. Lot of issues. So I think setting it up with, you are talking to people, is very interesting, because if you're on an app and someone just comes out of nowhere and throws you for a ringer and it's very forceful or very upfront and you are like this is an opportunity for me to have sex, they're attractive, great, do it. Also it's an opportunity to practice like different ways of speaking. Ways of speaking about your sexuality, ways of setting boundaries of your sexuality and your expression and saying, hey, actually, like Luna did, like, I'm totally into receiving oral. That's what I want right now and if someone meets you, and is like, sweet, I wanna give, then great, but if someone doesn't respect that then that's like definitely a boundary line, that's definitely a moment, where you're like, oh you're not respected through like, the second text in a relationship or in any encounter, then it needs to be different. Maybe you need someone different. And that's the beauty of apps, I guess. Is because you can just swipe and keep on going through. And it's okay, totally fine. So, in my experience, as I started on these apps, I like to experience my body and I let other people experience my body and I would be, I didn't know what Netflix and chill meant, I would just be this sad young gay, I was like, oh sure, I'll Netflix and chill and then before I know it, my pants are off and I was like, wait, how did we get here? And I would like, one time I got all scared and ran away, cause I literally was just like, I'm not ready for this experience, this happened too fast, and I wasn't met with an understanding of, hey we can slow it down, it was met with, you were over here and you agreed to this and I was like, yikes, which is a lesson in consent. That consent can be removed at any moment and just because you gave consent to something, doesn't mean that you can't take it away at any moment, and so it's important to know that and it's important to have that language prepared for you, going into these situations. As you use apps today, if you're meeting up wit someone, I am a huge fan of meeting up with someone in a public place first and/or giving your phone number to a friend if you feel comfortable. If you are totally into the sex of just meeting a stranger, and going at it, then great, absolutely wonderful. If you don't feel comfortable then there are ways to set up your experience, so that someone can know where you are and that's not a bad thing. I think it takes a community to raise queer people. I think that, that's totally fine. My favorite thing about apps actually is the way that it actually allows the queer community to interact, beyond generations. I see this a lot, especially on Grindr. But there isn't is a lot of opportunities within queer spaces and communities for different generations to interact. And it's probably the biggest tragedy of the queer population and community, is that there's so much knowledge and love to be shared, especially by our queer elders and they did so much fighting for us to even be able to have a space to exist in queer spaces and to walk around on the street with a little bit more comfort than our generations before us did. And so that could be something that is definitely to throw out there of, hey if queer relationships, if relationships on apps are different for you or what you're used to, be open to meeting and talking to someone outside of your age range. Don't be ageist. Because age is just a number and there's a lot of beautiful people in the world. So, lesson number two or three, I don't really know, when you're on an app, I have pretty strict rules, especially for my friends who use them still. And if they show me someone and they're like, hey what do you think? Then you'd better be sure I'm gonna read their profile. And I am not okay with anyone having any sort of listings, that say no blank. So within the drag community, we'll talk about the idea of no fats, no femmes, and that is an atrocious thing that happens within specifically the gay male population, saying that, people are saying like, we don't want this, someone with extra weight, or someone larger, or we don't want femmes, we want like we're here to date men. And I'm just like that holds no space at all. So, I have a hard line, If someone says no fats, no femmes, then I don't think you should talk to them, because I think a healthy queer community doesn't make space for that. And even if it is a gay dating app or even if it is a queer dating app, we shouldn't make space for that. So, that actually happens with all people groups and it doesn't just happen to fats and femmes, it also is very common with no Asians, or yes, Latino's or other racial preferences, it will be guized on the term of preference, but really it's just flat out racism. And you don't have to list those things in order to search for the one. You can just be active on the app and be kind to people without listing your prejudices straight up. And I think it's you use a way to save time, but really it's just, it's bad. So, know that going into apps and going into the way that you're built. Any comments as we're here at the halfway point. I'm gonna mention the tip jar. If you like the face or what we're doing, feel free to hit the tip jar, takes adilage, yes. Any ideas, Iona likes fetlife, sister's mister, I don't know if you're still here. I know we decided to get rid of Grindr. One day I might come back, we'll see. Oh my God, I love how you said that, yes I can tell you about finding Blake. That would be a nice story. So I said, anal penis, these are my notes. Literally it says, anal penis daddy. cheers to that. If you have a question about any of the apps, if you have a question about where' you've gone through, what we talked about, feel free to put it in the conversation chat. Okay, sister's mister, when you have some time, could you also talk about safe meet ups and consent? yes, can you give me another question? And thank you for blowing that question there. Can you just elaborate a little bit? I think just like safe meet ups, so, I, this is wild to be answering a question to your fiance about other hookups, you've had. The internet is wild, I hope you enjoy the moment of this. So, when I would go to hook up with someone, I would text one of my friends, and I would give them the address of where I was going and I would say this is when I'm leaving and if I don't text you by this time, give me a call. And if I don't respond by this time, then go to this place, or bring people and come to this place, blah blah blah. And I hate living in a time where that's necessary and I think that that's really sad in the first place, but it's also powerful to take charge of your sexuality and to have a trusted friend, who you bring into that, simply because, safety is a thing. I also teach self defense and sexual assault prevention, which is a weird, three worded combination, but it's super important that you know where you're going and what's up. And that you are able to feel comfortable in the situation that you're in. Because someone could be really kind online, or you could receive consent and then it could not be respected. And so it just is important, and in the same way that there are lists online that people keep of abusers and people who don't practice consent, it's important to let people know in your life if you are hooking up frequently. And I think that that is something that you will learn to work with and whether you build a relationship with people at your hookups or you specifically only like hooking up with people that you don't know, I think safety is important to think about, just because being in situations, even if you're in a situation and you don't feel that safe, it can make it harder definitely to be comfortable during that sexual exchange. Because I think that you would need to feel safe in order to enjoy and feel pleasure, unless that's your kink which I'm not kink shaming it, because that's totally awesome. Consensual non consent, total thing that we can talk about. But let's see, you're adding, how consent is not just given once and how sex is not often expected through some apps. I think something that even we practice pretty well and long term relationship practice is like, you can text a person and be like, hey do you wanna have sex? And they'd be like, yeah, and you drive across town or you get back from work or you go to a meeting and you come back and then I don't know, five minutes to two hours have passed, and you still need consent at that moment, where you are about to have sex, because true consent is affirming on going and keeps happening, it's not just, it's not a one done deal. It's not a contract that can be physically signed, it is literally an ongoing process throughout the entire experience of sex, so I think that it's nice in apps if you can be explicit, especially if they're new, especially if they're new to you. But to say, hey do you wanna go get drinks and we'll see if we can go from there? Is like leaving it open enough to, hey maybe we're talking about sex, maybe at drinks, we can better determine that. Correction, sex is expected on certain apps. Yeah, I would definitely say that, thank you, that's a good clarifying point that, we met on Grindr, which I, Grindr and Scruff are literally gay hookup apps So knowing how an app is advertised and how it functions can be super important, as you're there. And I'm not saying that you can't meet friends on a hookup site or you can't fall in love with someone on a hookup site it's just knowing what you're in for and why you're there, is very important, in my eyes. I don't know. I, when I first started on gay apps and I was looking for, abs, and I was looking for sex and to be taught about sex, and I was looking to be able to move past a lot of my hangups regarding sexuality and gender and sensuality, I really struggled with, okay, people here are experienced and they want sex and they know how they like it and I am showing up and meeting people and I'm just like this scared puppy dog. And that could not be a super great experience, I totally wish I could have watched a stream link like this and learnt a lot about, maybe it would've helped me get through those experiences with more grace and maybe I would've experienced more pleasure and less heartache. I definitely cried over one guy and I definitely broken up twice in a Chipotle. So those are ideas to definitely run with, so again on apps, I think that writing a specifically in the Summer Lovin series and talking about apps, I think that before I get to the shared experience of how I met my fiancegay, I'm mentioning the idea that apps are also really popular for young people, who are traveling between different places, so especially students, who are at university and they go home and they go home over Christmas break. Or during the Summer or if you're traveling for three months at a time. They can be really easy ways to meet a population like you. Say you are traveling to a different country, and you wanna find like where the queers are and what they do and where they hang out, then they can be super powerful in that same way. And you can find people that are like you, that like the things that you like and are a bit, I would say as open minded without like, going to a bar and playing the hanky code. Going back to cruising, the hanky code was like a gay male and lesbian experience way of, it was like a card call, it was a way of signaling to people and it was literally hankys in a back pocket or in a front pocket and the color of it would signify what you're into, what you're about, what you're kink is, and it would say, also, hey I'm part of you population, of queerness, I'm open to being talked about queerness, because even today you can go into a bar and say, hey, Sir, I think that you're attractive and you might get punched, because the dude could be straight. So, signaling is no longer needed on apps, because you're on an app and you're looking for what you want. Now, don't even fret, cause I got dumped in the seven eleven which is definitely lower than a Chipotle. Yes, but there's slurpees. No, I love seven eleven, I hope seven eleven's not ruined for you. And I'm sorry, but it happens, it wasn't worth it. We found greater love. Sometimes on ourselves. okay, so apps are used for traveling people, they're super great, they're used for students and lastly often people on apps, whether you are hooking up or looking for relationships, you might be having sex and often apps list people's status, especially gay apps, list HIV status, which is super cool. You can find people, it lists like people's testing dates now. You can see if people are on prep or not. You can see how often people get tested. In Grindr now, they even have built in functions to text you when you need to get tested and there's even a lot of queer literature and writing that's being posted, well it's paid for by Grindr, but Grindr's literally hiring really great queer artists to write different social commentaries, relating to the queer experience and it can be offered as a readable in the app. So, that's dope. So get tested. Stay on a testing schedule, super important, and know your status and know that prep's available and know, yes, yes different stream, which I've done, and maybe I should do it again if you all want it again. Premium, last thing before the story about Blake. So, many apps offer a premium feature, the same way that Match and eharmony, like classic online dating apps are paid subscriptions, like basically you're using the service and will make it better for you whether we list more people, whether we offer extra details or extra functions, by you paying a monthly or yearly fee. Super interesting, especially with apps that are used for hookup that are on, that use your location and then basically it says like within five hundred feet is this person. So on premium, maybe you can block out only those on premium and it just creates another strange class issue, regarding like, hey, everyone deserves safe and pleasurable sex. And I don't know if I would trust someone on paid Grindr honestly, but I get the idea behind eharmony and Match and those things and needing paid subscriptions. And I'm not upset about is. It just feels really weird, because I don't know. A couple of years ago you would pay for an upgrade on some stupid game and now we're paying upgrading on dating apps, wild. Have any of you ever upgraded? I think sister's mister, I think we talked about that. If you've upgraded, let me know, how was the experience? So, I was in nursing school. This is the story about Blake, that you've all been waiting for. And I had been having some casual sex, but really I was just frustrated by it. And I just wanted a relationship that was longer than a week. To have fun. I had a couple, like one, two month things. But nothing of substance or that was like life changing. And so I was in nursing school, I was in a musical, and overwhelmed and sister's mister and I were supposed to go on a date. And we were supposed to go, I thought that his photo's were super cool. He was cool, he had tattoos and I wanted to, yeah, I was excited about it. I stress napped through it, like absolutely just like stress napped. I've never done that before, I mean I have stress napped, but I've never stress napped through a date that I had scheduled. Because I take dating super seriously, because it's important to me. And I felt so bad and I texted him and I was like, I'm so sorry, I stress napped, blah, blah, blah, here's all my excuses, and the dude came back saying he had a relationship with someone else set up. And I was like okay, and he spited me and it's okay, I'm totally fine with that. So then four months later, I'm sitting in a park, and we message and we go on our first date two hours after that. And it was just super great, and we totally had to decide with if we tell people, do we tell them we met at a bar, or do we tell them the truth, that we met on Grindr? Because we were both two lusty individuals and how does that go down? And more and more people are like totally cool with it. We meet more and more people who met on Tinder, it's just kind of interesting to tell your grandma, like we met on a hookup app, but for those people I think it's totally fine for a white lie, but I kind of like it a lot that it was able to happen and that, yeah, I don't know I met my future husband on a gay dating app, a gay hookup app. And also, we didn't just hook up, I like being worked for. So, that experience to me is a big mind shift, because I definitely used to see hookup apps in a different light. I used to see them as a bit more grungy, or I definitely was judgmental of them and since then I have opened my eyes a bit to a lot of like the ethics of sexuality and I understand a lot more about sex work and about getting the pleasure that you want and need and desire, so, I totally am a big fan of them now, and I'm a big fan of them connecting people that didn't used to know that they were queer. That's happened a lot to me, especially as I go back to my home state, to visit family. I've gone on the app and I see different people from High school who have since then come out, and I'll like message them and it will be a really cool moment to bond people so I definitely think that the summer of apps is a great thing and you should have the fun that you want. And you should get the sex that you want. So, I think that the idea of going to a hookup and thinking each people have to reciprocate or both people have to come is stupid. I think that you should be able to advertise, saying like, here I am, this is me, this is the pleasure I seek, if you desire to give me said pleasure, then great. And if you, getting pleasure, or if your experiencing is giving pleasure to someone, then also listing that as something that you're interested in and see if someone else would like to receive said pleasure. Or some multiple people. Yeah, so those are all the great things about apps. I think that that is a good compilation. Does anyone have any comments? Yes, sister mister, you totally did premium. Iona M, after tonight's wonderful stream, if you wanna find me, aw. You can find me at sisternurseTroy, sisternurseTroy.com all of the sisternursetroy. I've monopolized it. Yes, my Instagram is a bit more professional slash not really. Just photo's and I do the stories there. Twitter's a lot of gay jokes. I also practice a lot within the medical side, and me as a nurse on Twitter, just because there's a big population of healthcare people there and I am totally available for whatever your heart desires. I'm teaching a Master's course at university this Fall, I'm having a bunch of fun, working full time as a nurse and fighting the system and laughing at the absurdity of this all. So, I think as we began, as we're talking about why we do what we do. Anyone is welcome in sex-ed. Look at this I'm all sweaty. Anyone is welcome in sex-ed. We'd be glad to have ya. And really the mission is to tell people, it's totally okay to be who you are and get the pleasure you deserve. So this was just a bit of the way that our bodies work on apps. The way that my experience happened and knowing that hey, If you are interested in using apps, you totally can find what you're looking for. So, as I said the do's and don'ts of swiping Mr Right, whether it's whoever you want of whatever gender identity you feel that you desire, you can find that person, and if people are looking, they're most likely on an app. So don't be scared about 'em and don't feel like you are less of a person or you are reaching into the bottom barrel. You are definitely 100% perfectly fine using an app, and if that's like one app for sex and one app for a relationship and one app for friendship and one to walk the dog, then that's totally fine. So, I personally am no longer on Grindr, but I am very thankful for my experiences with them. I was able to grow up a lot, I was able to learn what sexual experiences I desired and what I liked, which I'm still figuring out, but more of what I liked and I was able to be myself. I felt like I really grew up in the idea that this life is mine and I need to take full charge of it and I deserve the pleasure that I deserve as a beautiful, queer person. So, if apps are a way that you too can find the love, or the pleasures that you deserve, then great. Also, vibrators are great. And if you're interested in vibrators, there's tons of streams on O.School. There's tons of professionals on O.School, who would love to point you in that direction and that's also what I always preach is like, you deserve to love yourself, so I said, that I would never marry someone, unless they loved me, more than I loved me and I think I found that, so, I'm engaged, and it happened through an app and it's totally awesome and I hope that one day, I get sponsored and paid for it, because that'd be great too. But if not, I found the love of my life and I never thought that that would happen, so that's exciting, if you have any last questions, we have like eight minutes, otherwise, I think that this was super fun and thank you for letting me ramble, it's my favorite thing, but honestly, I do find live streams difficult, because I'm more comfortable teaching, ooh, sorry, in a live audience where I can see people being like, yeah, cool or hear people laugh. It is kind of funny to think about saying a joke here and then someone laughing like six seconds later. But you know, I propagate joy in to the world and I hope that you do too. I like the idea of knowing that non judgment day is near, I like the idea of knowing that queerness always existed and will continue to exist and also in the face of pain and difficulty and uncertainty, queers and artists, artistic people and lovers, love to make art and have joy and spread joy even when it's hard. So that's what I'm doing. I hope you have had fun. Follow me, throw a tip down there if you like, it would be greatly appreciated. It's like fifty fifty with myself and O.School, It makes my art possible, it makes O.School's mission possible, especially as O.School is working on getting into more universities and colleges and going on a college tour, which I'm so stoked about, and would love to be a part of. I like love all that O.School's doing and it's bringing a lot of joy into the world. So, feel free to tip them and support them and watch the other streams that happen on O.School, you can see at the top, there's the calendar there, and there's something everyday of the week, so if I'm not the one for you, someone else will do it. Just make sure, you're experiencing pleasure too. Thank you so much. If anyone has any last comments, I will give you one minute to put them in or question and I will do my dandiest to figure it out. Besides that, I think that I will just be talking the full five minutes and I can let you go and share love with those around you. Otherwise, I think I'm gonna say goodbye. So thank you for coming and talking about apps, I hope you learnt a thing or two and had some fun as well, I know I did, thank you for being here. Thank you for coming to O.School and supporting our mission. Yeah, it's the best, so I had so much fun, thank you so much. I hope to see you soon. Follow my medias and you will see what happens next. Probably something stupid, because I make money in the stupidest ways possible. I love you and have a great July sixth. A good Friday, enjoy the weekend. Bye.

How To Get The Most Out Of Dating Apps

Date
Sat
Jul 7, 2018
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2:00 pm
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Calendar
Saturday, July 7, 2018
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2:00 pm

Grindr, Tinder, Bumble, Don’t Stumble. Join SNJ as she tells you about getting engaged after meeting on an app. The Do’s and Don’ts of swiping Mx Right!