ON-DEMAND

How to Choose a Dildo

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Streamed
Saturday, April 7, 2018

Silicone, glass, and metal, oh my! How does one decide the type(s) of dildo to choose for their body? Talking about dildos is an everyday thing for Jess, #slingingdildos. What’s good for G-Spots? Prostate? Temperature? Come get your questions answered.

Video transcript

- So I should probably introduce myself. My name is Jess Melendez, and I am a pleasure professional here at O.school. I'm a sex educator who wears many different hats. I have a lot of background in the adult toy novelty industry. I've been in the industry for about seven years, so I've seen a lot of different things. I sell sex toys to people, dildos, vibrators, all that good stuff, but one of the things that I really do is I help embrace people's sexuality. There is a lot of shame and stigma out there when we're talking about sex and what people might be considered pleasurable, and my job, as a person, is to make sure that people are comfortable with that. And I want to make sure that people are having their sexualities embraced because, you know, you have a right to do that. Another hat that I wear, I work with a completely different demographic. I actually work with middle schoolers and high schoolers, and what I do is, I go into the high schools and I teach comprehensive sex ed. So what I teach is about sex, gender, sexuality, consent, we talk about autonomy of bodies, and yeah, all of that good stuff. I really like talking to young people because young people should feel empowered about their own life choices. When you can actually talk to young people about sex and sexuality, and give them all of that information, it can help them make better decisions for themselves. So my job is just basically to embrace everyone's sexuality. What is the reason why I do this? I like to do this because, once again, everyone is entitled to their own sexuality. We hear all these messages like in the media, and even in society about how people should be having sex, when and when we cannot be talking about sex, and what's considered pleasurable. And I say fuck that, because I'm not about that life. People once again are entitled to embrace their own pleasure and embrace their own sexuality, so I wanna make sure that I'm continuing to do that, and that's why I do what I do. So thank you so much for joining today, we're gonna be talking about dildos. If you are just joining right now, go ahead and sign into our chat, I wanna make sure I'm answering everyone's questions surrounding dildos, because there's just so much to know when we're talking about dildos. I am here as a free resource for you. This is a free platform here at O.school and that's what's so amazing about our streams is that you can really ask anything about this topic. And once again, the chat is anonymous. So you can just make up a name, it's totally cool, put in your email, and join the chat, and I can answer questions that you have surrounding dildos today. I wish all of you could see what my desk looks like, because I probably have like 40 to 50 dildos around me. So if you have a question about a dildo, I got that dildo in front of me that I can answer, so it's all good. Hey Justin, hey Jane, thank you so much for joining. And feel free to drop and say hey in the chat just so I know that you're here. And maybe you're lurking, maybe you have a question. So, dildos. All the things about dildos. There are so many reasons why somebody chooses to use a dildo. People can use dildos for anal stimulation, people can use dildos for vaginal penetration. Sometimes people use dildos just to practice blow jobs on. There are dildos that are gonna be different shapes, different colors, different sizes, and people use them for multiple, multiple reasons. One thing that I definitely want to get across is that there's no gender when it comes to dildos. And I say this because working in a sex shop for the past seven years, I've just heard so many questions about like, you know, if I use this dildo, is it okay if I use it if I'm in a relationship, or is it okay for me to use dildos with my partner, or is this something that I should use by myself. People can use dildos whenever they want as long as people are, you know, happy and are consenting and you're having a good time, then you should be able to use that dildo. Going along with the types of dildos that are out there, there are so many materials of dildos that exist. And it's really important to know, what's gonna be good for you. Just because there's a lot of things out there. And it's also really important to know too, what materials to be conscious of and look out for. I've already done this dildo stream, and so I wanna make it a point to talk about this every single time, but ti's super important to know what your dildo is made out of. There are gonna be dildos that are made out of silicone. There are dildos made out of jelly, or rubber. There's metal, there's glass, there's crystal, there's wood, there's like so many different types of dildo materials. So I always bring this out to show people when you're talking about different types of materials of dildos. So in this bag that I have right here, I have two jelly dildos. I use these for educational purposes, and there's a reason why I have two in this bag specifically but I never put these types of dildos with my silicone dildos. These absolutely need to be separated from the rest of your dildos, because of what it's made out of. So I'm gonna pull one of these out. Elsie, hey Jess, hey Justin, hey folks in the chat, hello, thanks for joining. Oh Nicole, hey, thanks for joining, Nicole. Okay, so. I got a jelly dildo right over here. You can tell the material is jelly because if you kind of look at it, I don't know if you can see from here, but it's kind of translucent so I can almost see through it. And it's super bendable and whatnot. And also, there's a particular smell when it comes to jelly dildos. So one thing to know about these types of dildos is that they are notorious for having a chemical called, I always mispronounce this, so I wrote this down. It's pronounced phthalates. It's spelled P-H-T-H-A-L-A-T-E. Phthalates. The thing about the sex toy industry is that when we're talking about regulations about what things are being made out of and the materials that are going into it, there is not a lot of strict regulations when it comes to sex toys, and that's really unfortunate, because people are putting things in their body. One interesting thing to know is that phthalates had actually been banned in some states when it comes to making kids toys. So we're saying like Fisher Price toys, toys that kids play with. A lot of times when kids are playing with toys, they put that shit in their mouth, so that's the reason why they banned that chemical from being put in those toys, because kids cannot be ingesting or putting phthalates in their mouth. Okay, well what about these toys, right? These are kind of known to have those. If you ever see toys that are sold really cheaply, and I will totally talk about places where you can get legitimate dildos. Getting dildos on Amazon, might wanna revisit, because that's like not always the best thing to do. But these types of dildos, they're going to have chemicals in them, and that's just something that is a real thing. You get what you pay for type ordeal when you're talking about dildos, so I understand if somebody's like, in a situation where they're like, okay Jess, dildos are hella expensive, so this is what I can afford right now. Totally understand, no worries. People can actually take a condom, and if they're gonna be using dildos that are made out of jelly, they can just put condoms on the actual dildo or the toy itself, and that's completely safe. It makes cleanup a lot easier, bacteria doesn't harbor on these. And so that makes it a little bit safer. So this is the reason why I brought this out to begin with, so not only just to show you what this dildo looks like, but to show you what happens when you actually take dildos made out of jelly, and you leave them together like this. I've probably had this in a bag for, I don't know, maybe two weeks, and I haven't taken them out. And something already happened to them. So hopefully you'll be able to see this on the camera. So if you see the base of this dildo, you can see that it melted. So because both of these jelly dildos were touching each other, it actually infused together because of the chemicals that's inside of the jelly. This is why you do not want to store dildos like this together. Let's say you have some jelly dildos, maybe you have some silicone dildos too. Store them separately. Put this in a bag, put this in a bag, and then don't let it touch anything else. Because this is what'll happen to your sex toys. And if you think about it, right, if this is happening while it's not inside somebody's body, just chilling on its own, I can't imagine what types of chemicals are doing inside of our bodies as we're using them. So that's just something to really pay attention to when you're looking at like, the quality, and what dildos are actually made out of. So I see a couple more people have joined our stream, hello, welcome, my name's Jess, talking about dildos, if you haven't noticed already. Please join the chat, I really wanna answer any questions that people have surrounding dildos, because there's just so many things to know. I'm a free resource for you, so if you're on a mobile phone, go ahead and tap right underneath and you can just sign in, or if you're on the side you can type to the side if you're on a desktop, laptop or something like that, and join the chat. I love, love, love answering questions. As you can see, I like sex toys and dildos. If you haven't noticed by my backdrop. This is like the collection of sex toys I've kept over the past seven years that are kind of like hits and misses of the industry. 'Cause there's a lot of things out there, and they're kinda wacky. And also pretty cool. All right, so, one thing that I also like to ask people when somebody's like, hey Jess, I'm looking for my first dildo for the first time. What do I do, how do I go about this. And that question is so vague sometimes because there's just, there's so much to know. What do you want to use this dildo for? Are you trying to put this dildo in your butt? Are you trying to put this dildo in your vagina? Are you using a dildo with a partner, do you want it on a strap-on, are you looking for a double-ended dildo, what are we looking for? In the land of dildos, one common thing that you'll find is that some dildos are going to be phallic looking, they're gonna look like penises. So for example, I got some right here, these ones definitely look like penises. And then you're also gonna find some dildos that don't look like penises. Those dildos are gonna look something like this. So it really just depends on the preference of somebody. There's not really something that's better than the other, I just tell people it's whatever you prefer. And I'll probably sound like a broken record, but that's just a real thing. It's really what somebody prefers. I know that there are some people who really want to have dildos that specifically look like a dick, and then some people don't wanna have a dildo that looks like a dick, and that's totally fine too. There will be a big difference, though, when people are looking in terms of size, and the type of pressure that they want inside of their body, and shapes are also gonna make a big difference, too. So let's say that somebody is interested in a dildo for the first time. Let's say they wanna either put this, we'll try the vagina first, okay? Let's say somebody's like okay, I've had penetration before, but the only thing that's ever gone inside of my body is fingers. The most fingers I've ever put inside of my body is two at a time, or my partner's put two fingers inside of my body. How do I choose my first dildo? So, does size matter? Absolutely, because it's gonna depend on what orifice you're putting it in, and your comfort level, and what it is that you're looking for. When you're looking at dildos, let's say somebody wants something a little bit bigger. Something a little bit larger than two fingers. Maybe somebody wants something that has a little bit more girth in it, which is pretty cool. That's when you'll find dildos that kind of get a little bit girthier in size. And they can kind of provide more fullness inside somebody's body. So let's say somebody's like, I want to have something that's bigger than two fingers. So, like I said, I've got tons of dildos here. So there's gonna be a difference between a dildo that looks like this, and a dildo that looks like this. This dildo that I have right over here, this one is pretty much like the same size of somebody's middle finger, right? Whereas this one right here, this is definitely bigger than somebody's thumb, this is pretty big compared to a finger. So this could be considered like a size up when you're comparing two fingers. What's really cool about some companies is that sometimes they will write in their descriptions that this is equivalent to two fingers, this is equivalent to three fingers. Depending on the company. There's a really rad company called Wet For Her that kind of catered to queer women, and that's how they describe all of their dildos, which is pretty neat. So typically somebody would wanna get something maybe just a little bit more girthy. This dildo in particular that I picked up, you can see that it's completely smooth. So there's no bumps or ridges. When there's texture being added to a dildo, or there's not texture at all, it's gonna make a really big difference. So let's say somebody's using this for vaginal penetration. This going in and out of a body is gonna feel very very different compared to, let's say, a dildo that has like a hook on it. Dildos that typically have hooks like this, this is meant for pressure for like, g-spot stimulation, or p-spot stimulation. So like the prostate or somebody's g-spot. This is gonna feel really really different as it's going in and out of that body part. So definitely being mindful of what it is that somebody's looking for. Sometimes people will take a look at dildos that are shaped like this and they're like, oh, that looks kind of cool, maybe I might be into something like that. And sometimes people will look at dildos like this and be like, uh, that's got too much of a hook to it or too much of a curve, that looks like it might be uncomfortable for me. So if you are ever in a sex shop or have the opportunity to go to a sex shop, if they have floor models, pick them up and feel them, because it makes such a big difference when you can actually feel and touch something versus seeing a picture of it online. Usually pictures don't really do justice, it's all about the description and reading the reviews of those dildos, I'm telling you right now. We'll be dropping this link a couple different times, but there is a company called SheVibe that I really really like recommending, because SheVibe has a plethora of different dildos, and their price point is on point, because it reaches so many different levels of dildos, whether somebody wants a beginner, standard, to maybe an intermediate, to something that's high quality. So that's something that's, SheVibe is definitely a really good resource. Okay. So I talked about jelly, as a material for dildos. I now wanna talk about silicone. 'Cause silicone is pretty much like the most common toy material that you'll find when you're talking about dildos. So these ones that I picked up originally, these are made out of silicone. If you see toys that are like this, let's see about these two, these are also made out of silicone. Now, all silicone dildos are gonna be completely different. Just like every dildo garden exists. So with silicone, some silicone might be firm, and there's gonna be some silicone that might be soft. So let me just grab this one right over here. So this is a dildo called, what is it, I think the Silk 3 by a company named Tantus, excuse me. And this type of silicone is gonna be pretty firm. There's just one solid core of silicone. What's neat about a dildo like this is it's super flexible, so when somebody's using this in and out of the body, it's gonna move with them versus against them, it's not too firm. But just know that when this dildo was being made, it's just one solid core of silicone. A really cool thing about silicone dildos is that when somebody's using this, let's say for vaginal penetration or anal penetration, our bodies, they contract. Whether somebody's having an orgasm or whether somebody's sneezing, the body's gonna contract, especially if we're talking about the anus. The cool thing about silicone dildos is that when somebody's body is contracting, the dildo moves with them. It's going to squeeze with the body, because it's really really soft. If people are using things that are super hard or super firm you're not gonna really have that same experience. So for people who are looking for beginning dildos, I highly recommend dildos that you can basically do this with. So it's gonna move with you versus against your body. And it feels more comfortable when people are experimenting or exploring for the first time with dildos. Now I'm going to grab this dildo, this is one of my favorites, and one of my favorite companies. So this is a dildo that looks like a penis. This one doesn't have balls attached to it, sometimes you might find dildos with balls, or don't have balls. It's really whatever your preference is. So this type of dildo is made out of silicone, but this is what we call a dual density silicone. So what makes this different compared to this silicone is that this is softer. This actually has two layers of silicone in it. So what I mean by that, if you see the tip right here, and I squeeze it, it's super super squishy. That's really cool about this type of material, it's really soft and squishy. The thing about the inside, like the actual shaft, there's a harder core inside of there. So basically this is not just like flapping around like an elephant trunk or anything like that. So the firm core keeps it in place and keeps it sturdy, but then the outer core keeps it soft, so if somebody is putting this inside of their body, it's gonna feel comfortable. Moment of insertion is super important when we're talking about putting things inside of the body. Like there's gonna be a difference between somebody using a dildo like this, and somebody using a dildo like this. As you can see, this one kind of has more of a tip, so people are gonna feel something different as it's going inside their body, where this one right here, it's like the same shape throughout the entire thing. So being conscious of that is really really important. The benefit of having something with a tip, since I have this right here, people can use it for pressure inside of the body. So if somebody wanted to use this for, let's say g-spot stimulation, or somebody wanted to use this for prostate stimulation, having the bulb and having the tip is great to use, because it will provide that pressure as somebody's putting it in and out of their body. If somebody was experimenting let's say with anal for the first time, having tips on your dildo is probably not the best thing to try out firsthand. If somebody's looking for a dildo that's meant for anal, I usually like recommending dildos that start off right here because you can see that it's just one solid size. It's not something that's gonna like, poke inside somebody's body the minute it goes in, because like I said, moment of insertion is either going to make or break your experience. And you wanna have a good time, I'm assuming, with your dildo. So, let's see, so many things to talk about with dildos. Anybody have any questions surrounding dildos? I am here as a free resource for you right now, so you can join the chat, ask any questions that you have surrounding dildos 'cause, as you can see, I like talking about them. But I also don't wanna hear myself talk, so I wanna make sure that I'm answering any questions that people have. Last time we were talking about dildos, a lot of people had questions surrounding anal safe, and so I want to make it a point to go over that again. Dildos, anything, that goes up somebody's butt, has to have a base. And what I mean by that is, let me grab this dildo again. So I've got my dildo, right? This part right here goes inside somebody's butt. This bottom part is the base. This is what protects this from falling inside of the anus. You always wanna make sure anytime you're penetrating somebody or yourself inside the anus that there's either, well, a person, 'cause they're a body attached to whatever's going in there, or the dildo has a base to it. I always like using this example that I have right here. I have this ice cream dildo that I'm obsessed with because it looks like a frickin' ice cream popsicle. Anyway, this doesn't have a base. If somebody's having like, a really extremely good time with any type of anal penetration, this going inside somebody's body and going a little bit further, you don't want this to get stuck. You've gotta have that base that's there to protect it from going inside. Now, I see that this dildo is kind of large compared to like, this dildo right here. So maybe not necessarily this dildo could get stuck inside somebody's body, I'll admit, but the muscles inside of our anus are super strong. If somebody's having a really good time and is not really being mindful and conscious about, oh, let me just hold onto my dildo tighter or what have you, somebody could suck that thing up there! Our anuses are super greedy. When things go inside of there, they don't usually come back out. I always tell people that the anus, like, if you're comparing that to the vagina, the vagina's kind of like a cul-de-sac, 'cause at the end of the vagina is the cervix, right? Nothing can really get stuck or lost up there. It's a cul-de-sac, right? The anus is like a one way street. If something goes inside of the anus, it's gonna travel in there, go inside, maybe travel up the intestines. Depending on what it is, like this is like a condom, for example. It can travel up somebody's intestines, maybe, and somebody won't be able to poop for a couple of days, and that could be like, super uncomfortable, and not a good time. So avoid going to the doctor, I cant' tell you how many stories I have heard of people getting things stuck in there, or ER nurses or doctors coming into the sex shop I worked at and telling me those stories, too. So, if you're putting it in your butt, make sure there's something that is always there to prevent it from staying inside of there and living. We don't want that. All right, I'm gonna look over at the chat 'cause I see some questions piling up. Techies Temptations, what is a good starter dildo that's also affordable? Great question. So it really just depends on what you're looking for in a dildo. Amazon is a place that I hear so many people going on to purchase sex toys. Here's the thing about Amazon. Great resource, I love Amazon Prime, I'm not hating on Amazon at all. If people are purchasing dildos that are like, $14, $17, things like that, 'cause I've totally seen that, you need to make sure what the material's made out of, and where it's coming from. A really common thing that happens on Amazon when people are selling sex toys, and dildos, is that sometimes the products are not what they seem. The material is not what you're selecting. Like I've seen descriptions say silicone dildo, when the thing was a jelly dildo. Like it was not silicone at all. Someone was trying to say that they were selling this and they're like yeah, silicone dildo, and it's like no, that's not silicone. But yeah, you just wanna be mindful of what that stuff is made out of. And sometimes that stuff is not always brand new. That's a common thing that sometimes happens on Amazon that I have to talk to people about all the time. Just be mindful of where it's coming from. If it's actually a legitimate toy company, then sure, purchase it from there. But just be mindful if it's, if you're living in the United States, and there is a company that you've never heard of that's in a different country, that's selling a dildo for like $10, I would second guess that purchase, because chances are it's not what it seems. Because that's just a common thing that I've heard people do. So as far as affordability, okay. Dildos can get expensive, I totally recognize that. So I wanna throw out a link in the chat really quickly for a company called SheVibe. Now, SheVibe is fucking amazing when it comes to accessibility and the different types of dildos that exist, because they have some dildos on their website that start at $20 and they're actually made out of silicone, which is amazing. $20 to $25 silicone dildos are great. Silicone is seriously a material that I really really like to recommend. If somebody is to purchase a dildo made out of jelly, like I had said before, so once again, these are gonna be jelly dildos right here. Sometimes we're on a budget, we need something that's affordable, but we also want to have fun and experience these things, and explore and experiment. If you get a jelly dildo, also get a bunch of cheapo condoms. There is a company called Paradise Condoms that typically you can just go and get. If they're sold individually, sometimes they're like 30 cents each or something like that, or just any type of condom. And you can put them on these jelly toys, and it will make your experience a lot more pleasurable. Trust me. But if you're trying to look for something that's really affordable that maybe silicone isn't in your price range right now, a jelly dildo is a good place to start. Just make sure that you're putting condoms over the toy, 'cause once again, that will make your experience a lot better. Awesome. And then once again, yeah, SheVibe is so great. Let me just put the link right here, SheVibe.com. Oops. There we go, so, Justin just put a really cool link, and we actually have a promo code, look at that. Use the promo code OSCHOOL for 10% off SheVibe products, all the way until, what is that, May 31st. That's pretty awesome, so, use those discounts on those dildos. So 10% off a $25 dildo, like, that's a pretty good deal. So, I would do that. Okay, cool, awesome question, thank you so much for asking that. Oh yeah, another thing that I wanted to mention too when it comes to affordability with dildos. So I mentioned Amazon. Another company that exists out there is, I'm sure some of you might be familiar with it, is the Wish app. The Wish app is a app, shopping app, that people can go to to get things really really cheap. I love the Wish app, I used to use it a lot, and I deleted it from my phone because I was using it a lot. The thing about the Wish app, though, is that you really need to pay attention to the product descriptions. The Wish app is notorious for people to sell things that they have pictures of, and it looks nothing like what they're selling. So likesomebody maybe could be selling, like, a dildo that looks like this, right, looks amazing, this is probably about six and a half inches. And that's what the picture looks like. But they maybe in reality, they end up buying a dildo that's this fucking small. I am not joking, I have had my fair share of Wish app experiences where I bought something, okay not a dildo, but I bought something based on the picture, and when I got it, it was like not even the right size. So be conscious of the size that you're buying, on the Wish app. But also, with the Wish app, once again, this is the type of material of toys that you're gonna be seeing. So, just be mindful of what you're purchasing. 'Cause there's gonna be so many loopholes that exist on the internet for people to be able to access sex toys, but you really need to be careful about the quality of it, because you wanna make sure that you're putting products inside of your body that are gonna treat you well. 'Cause, that's a real thing. All right, cool, awesome question. So I have a question from Jane. Jane, some dildos are plain and other similar to a penis like you mentioned. If I prefer one that resembles a penis, and my partner is weird about that, what kind of conversation should we have about that issue? That's a really really good question. Okay, let me read that over to make sure that I understand. So some dildos look like a penis, and some don't, okay? If I prefer one that does look like a penis, and my partner is weird about that, what kind of conversation, okay. So, that is actually a common thing that I've run into while helping people, talking about different type of sex toys. So, let's say, okay. So this is the type of dildo, this is the type of dildo that you're into. You like the fact that it looks like a penis. But your partner does not like that. If you don't mind me asking, Jane, well actually you know what, no. You don't have to answer this. This can be for a multitude of reasons. There are many reasons why somebody will like a dildo that looks like a penis, and there are going to be reasons why somebody prefers a dildo that doesn't look like a penis. That can be for so many different reasons. With that type of conversation, though, there's a lot more that needs to happen before people start using a toy like this. Let's just say, I'm not assuming your sexual orientation, Jane, but this is just a common thing that I've had with lesbian or queer women couples experiencing this. So let's say there's an individual who really really is masculine presenting, and they like using dildos that look like penises, because that happens to be a part of their identity, and when they're using that dildo with their partner, let's say they're using it as a strap-on, this is something that really conforms to their identity. If somebody's using something like this in the strap on, it doesn't really like, feel the same for them. However, if the person let's say who maybe is receiving penetration, and they don't like the fact that this looks like a penis, that is a conversation that really needs to happen amongst the why portion, right, but also understanding the identity portion. Because that's when things can really really clash. Different situations for different people, but I've had to tell people multiple times that finding a common middle ground is gonna be really really important. Because we don't wanna deny somebody's identity, right, somebody's solely using a dildo that looks like a penis because that feels good to their identity, but we also don't want to negate the fact that somebody feels uncomfortable using something like this. So really finding that balance between the comfort that somebody has, and the discomfort. So, that's really a person to person basis. And, yeah, I've just, I've seen that happen with a lot of different couples. I know for one situation that I'd suggested people kind of met something in the middle, so somebody was like, I don't really have one in front of me but somebody was like, okay, I would really like to have one that looks like a penis, but, I don't want it to be flesh tone colored. Because a lot of times when we see dildos that are made, I almost said made out of penises, no. When dildos look like penises, they're gonna have different shades of flesh tone colors. See, I don't have any like bright purple, or anything like this. But there are companies out there, like there is a company, I'm gonna type it in right now. It's called New York Toy Collective. NewYorkToyCollective.com. Cool. Pretty sure that's their website, but New York Toy Collective, they make dildos that look like penises, and they're phallic looking, but they also make them in not flesh tone colors. So there's like colors that are tie-dye, there's one that's a jet black, there's one that's blue. So that's kind of like a middle ground that somebody can go to, but it really just depends on the situation of that person. But that's definitely something that I've suggested to people, to kind of like meet people in the middle. And just really understanding people's preferences. People wanna feel respected when we're in the bedroom, and we also want our partners to respect us, or just the people that we're sleeping with. So, really good question. That's something that happens all the time, but I don't really get to address out loud, so thank you. All right, so I'm gonna go back into this chat and see what else we've got over here. So thank you Justin, for blasting that SheVibe promo code. Yeah, I would totally look into that, 'cause SheVibe's pretty awesome. So Camille D, heya, I work in a shop also. All about that sex shop life, slinging dildos. How do you educate people on toy cleaner for their dildos versus soap and water? Yeah. Especially when it comes to skeptics and budgeters, thanks. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for asking this question. Okay. One of the common things that I experience with sex shop life is people asking, oh, is this dishwasher safe? Okay. Like, this is a thing that's just, people using their dishwasher to clean their toys, specifically their dildos. I'm not opposed to people putting their dildos in the dishwasher and turning that shit on to clean it. What I am opposed to, though, is the cleaner that you're putting in the dishwasher. So once again, we're going back to what it is that we're putting inside of our bodies. When we're talking about dish soap, that usually has antibacterial inside of it, and disinfectant inside of the soap. Now, in our bodies, we have natural bacteria that's meant to stay in there. Especially people who have vaginas. You've got some bacteria that's meant, that's good, good bacteria. If you're introducing soaps that have anti-bacteria in it, it's gonna mess up the pH balance inside of people's bodies. So the dishwasher example, for instance, if people are washing their dildos inside of there, sometimes there is residue from the soap. Depending on whether you're putting a pod of soap in there or you're using powder, whatever the case may be, there might be some residue. And what I usually suggest is, if you do use that and there's residue, clean your dildos one more time with hot water. There's a lot of debate over what people should use as a toy cleaner. There's many companies out there that sell toy cleaner, which is awesome. But there are easier ways for people to clean their toys depending on what type of toy it is. So, let's say for instance I got silicone dildos. So if I wanted to clean this. One of the best ways to clean a silicone dildo, and it's super easy. You get a pot and you boil water, and you put the dildo inside of the pot, and you boil it for about three minutes. That will sterilize your dildo. Whether it's a dildo that's gone inside somebody's butt, or a dildo that's gone inside somebody's vagina. I've heard of people saying, use mild soap and water. Well, what exactly is mild soap? In the past, I've heard people recommend things that are unscented. For one, yeah, don't ever put scented products on your dildos because that will later go in your body, just not a good time, don't do that. Dial soap and Dove soap, not that I'm just trying to name drop anything, but those are common soaps that I've heard people use that are considered mild. And when it's talking mild soap, it just means things that are not going to be hurtful or harmful for your body. But yeah, seriously, the best way to really sterilize and clean your dildo is you can boil it in water for three minutes. Now, those are dildos that are only made out of silicone. There's gonna be some, I don't have, wow, I actually don't have this type of dildo in front of me. There's gonna be dildos that vibrate. So dildos might have like a teeny little hole underneath, because it's meant to put like a small little vibrator inside of there, like a bullet. You don't wanna boil that while the bullet's inside of there so just recommendation, don't do that, 'cause yeah. Not a good time. But that's a really good easy way to clean. If you are going into a toy shop, I do recommend getting a toy cleaner, but be mindful of the ingredients inside of there. Once again, we just gotta be careful with what it is that we're putting on our bodies. Make sure things don't say antibacterial. Chances are, sex toy companies are not gonna say an antibacterial toy cleaner, because that would be really fucking stupid, and that's just probably not something that they do. But there's also, I know that people sometimes clean their toys with wipes. I'm a huge fan of a company called Swipes. They are wipes that people can use on their bodies to clean up like during sex or after sex, if there's like, you know, lovely sex juices flowing in different places. But you can also use them to clean your toys. Those ones are pretty awesome because when you're done you can just throw away in the trashcan. And you don't have to worry about boiling water, what have you. A good trick, so this is a question that I get a lot too, since we're on the topic of boiling sex toys. A lot of people sometimes will be using, like, butt plugs. Or they'll be using dildos for anal. And sometimes when people are done using those dildos, they'll tell me, this smells like my butt. Like, it kind of smells like poo. How the fuck do I get that out of my dildo. Now, that is something that can potentially happen depending on how frequent you're using the dildo, and it also has to do with, like, just anal in general when things go in our butt. Did somebody decide to use an enema before, not, etc etc. A good way to get that smell out is to boil a dildo. I'm telling you right now, that can really help. Boiling it once for three minutes, that's probably not gonna do the trick, I would say boil it for maybe like five minutes. You don't have to go crazy and do it for like 30 minutes, but a couple times boiling this for at least five minutes, like three times, can help get that smell off of a dildo. That's a question that I've definitely run into when people are asking things related to anal stimulation. So, just boil your dildos. I definitely hope that that helped. And then, I'm so curious as to when you say, especially when it comes to skeptics and budgeters. 'Cause I wanna know who's skeptical about cleaning a dildo. But maybe just like the toy cleaner. So, once again, antibacterial stuff, don't use on your dildos. And if you're gonna use a dishwasher, don't use dishwasher soap on your dildos. Or if you do, rinse them again afterwards, 'cause you don't want that soap going in an orifice, 'cause that's not a good time. All right. Isis415, oh hey, Nicky, what's up girl, how you doing? Awesome, thanks for joining. Chris Rose. If want to use a dishwasher for big batch silicone cleaning, that's real, I run dishwasher twice first, once with just vinegar, second with lemon, then just silicone toys with no soap. Awesome, cool. I've heard of people saying the lemon thing before, too. But if just cleaning one or two you can just boil the dildo. Yeah, I mean obviously you can't like, boilfive dildos at a time, unless you've got a giant ass pot, that'd be pretty cool. But yeah, definitely, that's a really good tip, thanks for sharing that. The thing is, whatever it is that people are choosing to clean their toys with, they just wanna be mindful that that residue is not left on the dildo. I've had to debate a lot of people over using Clorox on their dildos, and the thing is, I don't recommend it. And I don't really have any scientific evidence to back this up but my own experiences working in the sex shop. So the sex shop that I worked at, we had floor models, so you can pick up the dildos and see them and all that good stuff. At one point, people were cleaning the dildos with Clorox. People were using like Clorox wipes to clean the silicone. And even the silicone toys. What we noticed, after six months to a year, is that that silicone started to get different. It almost looked like it was degrading. So what was once like a really really soft silicone toy started to feel really sticky, and started to feel really weird. So I don't recommend using stuff like that, but I've definitely heard of people using lemon before. Vinegar's new, that's a new one I've heard of, but I've heard of people using lemon. So whatever it is people use, just makes sure that you're being conscious of what's going on the dildo. No bleach, yeah, I know, I know, bleach right. No judgment on anyone's part, this is a shame free environment, but people, if you think about bleach, right, have you ever put bleach on a black t-shirt before? What happened to it? It changed color, right? So if you're thinking about what that chemical does on a t-shirt, would you put that chemical on a dildo? That is then gonna go inside of your body afterwards? That's just something to think about. So yeah, really important. Thank you all for bringing that up, because that's something that people definitely need to know about. Awesome. Camille, the toy cleaner specifically, you know some old-schoolers think spit and soap and water So it's the old schoolers who think spit and soap and water cure all lube and cleaner. Yeah, no, for sure. Spit is, you can't use it as a tool to clean your dildos. Maybe if you are like camping, and you're in the forest, and that's all you have, you can use that as your last resort, if you haven't packed any Swipes with you, or toy cleaner. But if somebody's putting a dildo inside somebody's butt, and then they want to now put that dildo inside somebody's vagina, spit is not going to disinfect that, or clean that, so, just putting that out there. Awesome. Thank you all so much for those questions, those are really important when we're talking about this stuff. So, whoa, we're at 3:45 right now. For anybody else who has questions, please feel free to log into the chat and ask away, that's why I'm here, I'm a free resource. I clearly love talking about all these dildos and wanna answer any questions that people have about these dildos. Awesome. Chris has another question, thank you. Sorry I came late, no worries. If you haven't addressed this yet, can you discuss dildos for use in tandem with penis? Ever above, below, or hollowed out. Yeah. So you know what, I have one, hold on. Giant box with me. So are we talking about like extenders or somebody can like put a penis inside of a dildo. Gonna be honest, have not come into contact with dildos like this in a really long time, because I think some companies caught on that the way that they designed it was really uncomfortable. So I'm gonna grab this dildo, and we're all gonna use our imagination. So I want you to imagine this dildo that I got right here, that has a giant hole cut inside of it, it's completely hollow. And what it's meant to do is, is meant to go over somebody's penis, typically. People can use hollow dildos for whatever, but that's kind of what the marketing sole purpose of that was. Now the thing about hollow dildos, at least the ones that I've come into contact with, is that they're really, really firm. They are not gonna be those types of dildos that really bend like these, with the body. So I know that Pipe Dreams at one point had a line of fetish toys that a bunch of hollow dildos that I didn't really hear the best reviews of. So it really just depends, so I would watch out for the really firm ones. Yeah, for somebody who wants less erection than wanted. Okay, so hopefully this is gonna answer your question, Chris, thank you for asking this. So we got hollow dildos, and then we also have extenders, that kind of look like a dildo. So this is, the one that I'm gonna show really quickly I just wanna explain it before I bring it up on screen, is from a company called Vixen. I'm a super huge fan of Vixen, the silicone that they make is really really high quality. And their price reflects, so they're going to be kind of a pretty penny with this stuff. But this is just an example of an extender. So what I have right here is something called, what is this, this is the colossus. This one's a little bit larger, so I totally recognize that as I'm bringing that on screen. So what this is for, you can see, can you kinda see, maybe? Inside, there is a hole. So this is meant for somebody with a penis to really put this over their penis, and then this part right here that has the hole, somebody wraps this around their balls, and it stays in place. And this is supposed to work kind of like as an extender. This particular one is made out of silicone, and it's pretty wide. So this is supposed to give an effect where people will feel more girth inside of the body, there's like more fullness inside of there. So this is something that's pretty effective when people are wearing it, and it doesn't fall off. I really like recommending the ones that wrap around the balls, because there's some extenders that exist out there that people can put on a penis, but when they're using it during any type of penetrative sex it falls off, because there's nothing really holding onto it. So, just be mindful of that if that's what people are looking for. Exactly, when a penis engorges, it can get ouchie, whoa. Yeah, so one of these. So once again, I recognize that this is a pretty large extender when it comes to girth, so they definitely have them in different sizes, so this is not like, get this one, this is the only one that exists, like no, there's like multiple sizes of different extenders. But people can totally use this, too. I think it's great when people have the ability to find things that come in different sizes, because size does matter when you're talking about these types of things. Because this is girthier, that means that there's more room for somebody to actually put their penis inside of. When they become a little bit less girthy, that's something to be really conscious of, not every penis is gonna fit inside one of these. So if somebody's ever looking for extenders or products like this, look at the dimensions and measure. What's more fun than measuring your dick? I don't know. Measuring dildos? But seriously, though, these are not returnable. That's the thing to know about the sex toy industry and the sex toy world is that once you buy something, you really can't return it. And for that matter, if there is a company that says, buy this, we accept returns, I would double check that company. Because chances are, they are not legit. And I'm totally referring to a lot of things that are sold on Amazon. Because you wanna make sure that what you're buying is not used, just saying, I've heard a lot of really interested stories about that. Anyway, thank you so much Chris for asking that question, I'm so glad that that was helpful. Oh, Justin, whoa, did not know that those exist. Yep, they totally do. So there are so many different types of dildos that exist. Hollow ones maybe don't really make it so mainstream, I guess, in the sex toy industry, but they totally exist. Can somebody use this if they don't have a penis? I would say yes, but here's the thing. So remember how I was talking about how dildos can be like, super flexible and bend with your body? Well this one, if somebody's using this, like, this is what I mean, right? This is really really flexible and bendable, so if somebody's trying to use this by themselves, it could be kind of awkward. I definitely know of people taking smaller dildos and putting this inside of it, so now, see, the bending part is not as, like, flat. So, it's possible if people wanna use a dildo inside of it, but you can also just buy a bigger dildo. But whatever works for you, you know. But yeah, this is something that exists for people. Cool. So, it is 3:50, and I've got 10 more minutes, and I wanna make sure that I'm answering any questions that other people might have surrounding dildos, so please feel free. That chat box that's right over here on the side, or on the bottom if you're on a mobile phone, ask that question, this is an anonymous space, and I want you to use me as a resource. 'Cause O.school is a free platform, and it's pretty rad that we have the opportunity to talk about this stuff and you can answer, have any questions answered. Awesome. So, one thing that I can also talk about too, since I've got about 10 minutes, a lot of people ask me when you're using dildos, what type of lube is good to use for dildos? And once again, that depends on the person, and it also depends on the material that's something's made out of. There is a huge debate when we're talking about silicone dildos and silicone lube. In the sex toy industry, if you are a person who works in this industry, you know! silicone lube does not go with silicone toys. And I've had a lot of people debate this with me. So, y'all are in for a treat, I love bringing this out every time I stream about lubricant or even dildos, because I have a dildo that has been sitting in silicone lubricant since February of last year. So, one thing that we really need to be conscious of, once again, is the chemicals that we're putting, or things that we're putting in our body that doesn't contain chemicals. With lubricant, there's three different kinds you can choose from. There is water based lubricant, there is silicone based lubricant, and there is oil based lubricant. And then every now and then you'll see like hybrids, or silicone with oil, or silicone with water base, things like that. But what I don't suggest for people who are using silicone dildos, is to use a silicone lube with it. Water based lube is gonna be really safe with silicone dildos. Oil based lubes like coconut oil, if it is virgin and unbleached, is safe to use on silicone dildos. But silicone lube you cannot use. So, let me just bring this out, I love showing this thing. One of the reasons, too, why this dildo, and I actually have the original version of what the dildo's supposed to look like. This dildo has been sitting in the lube. So I just wanna put that out there. This is a science experiment that I've done with some of my coworkers 'cause we're all sex geeks and we just like to geek out on this stuff, and if you're a sex educator, chances are you're a geek too and you do some of your own type of experiments with stuff. So, I've been pulling this one out, this is called the Mustang dildo, it's from a company called VixSkin. This is what the original size looks like. Here's the original, I want you all to take a look at this. This is my huge PSA for the day. All right. This is what the dildo now looks like after it's been sitting in silicone lube for over a year. Here's the dildo. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna drip silicone lube everywhere. So, this dildo is super degraded. This is the dildo that's been sitting in silicone lube, this is the original. See the difference? You can still see some of the silicone lube that's like sliding off of this, because it's still chilling in the jar. On the side over here, one of my coworkers, she loves those coffin acrylic nails, her nail actuallythis thing's all funky. Her nail went through this entire dildo. So that's how degraded this silicone dildo has become since it's been sitting in lube. Is this gonna happen if you instantly put silicone on a dildo? No, it's not. This is something that's been sitting in lube for over a year. But the purpose of this experiment is to show people that it really messes up your dildos. I mean, this looks like, all, it's, not what it's supposed to be, okay? So, once again, here's the original dildo, this is what happened when I put silicone lube on it, for a whole year. And people might not notice differences as they're using it, but in time, it can degrade your silicone toys. So silicone dildos, silicone ball gags, silicone anything, anything that's made out of silicone, don't use silicone lube with it, just, you don't wanna do that, okay? So I'm gonna put this back in, because it is cold lube. But yeah, don't use silicone lube on your silicone toys! On Tuesday at one o'clock on O.school I'm actually gonna be doing a livestream all about lubricant, so if anybody has questions related to lube, you can definitely check back on Tuesday because I will be talking all the lubes, all the things. And then safety just with toys and lube,. But yeah, that's a huge major PSA. Silicone lube, do not use that with silicone toys. 'Cause it will ruin your dildos, and that sucks, because silicone dildos kind of are expensive sometimes. All right. Yes, all of those things. Let's see what I got going on in this chat. Don't do a boo boo, say no to silicone. Camille, that's a real thing! Like, you know, that's something that I just have to parade and tell everybody. I mean, I've actually seen companies try, well, I say try, and I don't want to name any companies 'cause I'm not trying to name drop here. But some companies have done their own testing and experimenting with silicone lube, like certain brands of silicone lube with their silicone toys, and they try to market it with each other. That scares the shit out of me, because sex toy companies should not be telling people things like that because, you know, you gotta be careful with what you put in your body, and you wanna make sure your toys are well taken care of. So yeah, that's crazy. All right, oh cool, I've got a question down over here, sorry, I'm just wiping my fingers, 'cause I still got lube on them. Vel asked do you have any pointers for helping my girlfriend feel more comfortable using a dildo on me? I've brought it up, but she seems reluc - I brought it up, she seems reluctant. We are lesbians. Thank you Vel for that question. So, anytime somebody is inviting a toy into the bedroom with a partner, there's a conversation that needs to happen, especially for people who have never used toys before, or, like you just said, are reluctant to use toys. One thing that I highly suggest if you don't have toys already is to have the opportunity to have that discussion. Telling your partner, there are some things that maybe you're interested in exploring with. What are the reasons why you might have setbacks of using a toy or a dildo. Let's kind of talk about that and revisit that. 'Cause it's really important to make sure that we're not like, well, what's the big deal, why can't we just use a dildo, I just wanna feel good. We need to have an understanding of like, okay, if somebody's feeling uncomfortable, stop, pause for cause. Why is somebody feeling uncomfortable? We wanna revisit that to make sure that everybody involved is feeling included, and we just wanna make sure that we're respecting partners and stuff like that. So, I've definitely run into situations where people are like on the fence, like, I don't know, I don't really wanna use a dildo. Does that make me less of a lesbian to use a dildo, and I know saying that statement, that's a real thing that exists in the queer community. I'm a lesbian, I've heard that over and over again, like, you know, if you use a dildo, that means that you're not doing it right, which is totally not the case whatsoever. So for people who are reluctant, talk about why you're interested in using a dildo. It would really turn me on if you used this dildo on me. It would really turn me on if I use this dildo on you. Why don't we go to a sex shop together. If you have the ability to go to a sex shop, whether you live near one or there's one an hour away from you, or even just visiting a website. SheVibe.com, that nice little link that's in our chat box, is a really good resource to look at. Because sometimes when we think about dildos, we have to remember, how do I think about a dildo versus somebody else. Somebody seeing a dildo or thinking about a dildo for the first time, maybe somebody's impression of a dildo is something like this. Maybe it's got balls attached to it, maybe it looks like a penis, and that's something they're totally not into. Or somebody could be like no dildos, but this is really what they mean. Or, no dildos, this is what they really mean. Something small. It really just depends on what type of dildo, and the concept of what a dildo means to you. I know that sounds silly, but it's a real thing, we wanna make sure that people know what we're talking about when we're trying to express what it is that we're interested in sexually. Because that's super important. And we also wanna make sure everybody's on the same page. I'm actually, so thanks for asking that, Vel. Just putting that out there, I am going to be doing a stream on April 14th called Fun Dykey Things for Fun Dykey People, so it's gonna be a whole stream dedicated to people who are lesbian identified, queer identified, dyke identified, all the beautiful things, and learning about toys. So would totally recommend checking that out. So thank you all so much for tuning into my stream today everybody, it is 3:59, got one last minute left. Thank you for addressing my question, you are super welcome, Vel, that's why I'm here. Thank you so much everybody for participating in my stream today, really hope to see you next time, I'm gonna be streaming again on Tuesday all about lube, so if you've got questions about lube, I will be there to answer them. All the things about lube. And I'll probably show my giant, fluffy Michelin man dildo again. So, thank you all so much for coming, tune into the next stream where I believe somebody is going to be talking about the art of strip teasing, which is like super exciting and amazing, because O.school is a platform that talks about so many different things related to sex and sexuality. And we're all here to help you embrace it. So, once again, thank you all so much, thank you Jane, thank you Justin, Camille, Vel, Chris Rose, thank you all so much for who participated, and I will see you next time. Bye, everybody.

How to Choose a Dildo

Date
Sat
Apr 7, 2018
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2:00 pm
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Calendar
Saturday, April 7, 2018
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2:00 pm

Silicone, glass, and metal, oh my! How does one decide the type(s) of dildo to choose for their body? Talking about dildos is an everyday thing for Jess, #slingingdildos. What’s good for G-Spots? Prostate? Temperature? Come get your questions answered.

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Dating after Divorce or a Long Relationship

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Shame free Seeds of Sexual Development

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What does sexual development look like in young children? What tools can parents and caregivers use to support children growing into sexually healthy adults? Lydia will share strategies for promoting shame-free conversation with children.