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F*ck Lube shame! Why You Need It

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Streamed
Monday, September 10, 2018

F*ck lube shame—lube is the actual BEST. Sex educator Jess tells you why it's awesomesauce, which brands and formulas to buy and how to use it.

Video transcript

Yay, we're live! Cool. I always feel like someone's gonna catch me while I'm dancing and waiting for the stream to load, but we're here and we're good. Hey Miss Chi, how's it going? Thanks for joining the stream. So happy that you're here. I want to see who else is joining too. I'll wait maybe like a minute or a couple of seconds, just to see anybody else showing up. If you are showing up for the chat, please join the chat. I want to talk with you and I want to answer all your questions surrounding lube today because there's so much to know about lube. All the things. So I'll wait a couple seconds, see who's showing up. Please join the chat. If you're on a cell phone, right down here, I want you to click Join Live Chat. It's totally anonymous. All you have to do is make up a screen name and because of that you can ask as many questions as you want to. It's totally anonymous. Let's see, love my background, so many toys. Oh my gosh, yes. You'll have to come over sometime. Or maybe I'll just have a stream where I explain what is on my bookshelf. This is just years and years of my hall of fame and shame related to sex toys. Cool. Hey, Nicole, thanks for being here. Hey, Justin, so happy that you're here. Awesome. Well, I'm gonna get started and introduce myself. So my name's Jess. I am a pleasure professional here at O.school. And like many other pleasure professionals, I'm a sex educator. And I'm a sex educator who wears multiple hats in this industry. One of my biggest backgrounds has to involve working in the sex toy industry. I've worked with adult novelty toys for about seven years, so I have seen a lot. You can see my backdrop right here, I have seen a lot. There's just so many different things that exist in this industry. So you know, other than selling sex toys to people, talking to people about what vibrator's good for them, what dildo they want to look for, I also talk about lube, which is like a pretty, pretty common question that people ask me surrounding any of that stuff in that environment. So I'm gonna talk a lot about lube today. But other than selling people products and talking about dildos and vibrators, which is always fun, my biggest thing is to empower people in their sexuality. We kind of are in a society, whether you're here in Western culture in the United States or outside of that, but you know, some people are really afraid to talk about sex and that's something that still exists, even here in 2018 with just so much going on in the world related to sexuality. So my job, why I exist, is I want to help empower people because everyone has a right to their own pleasure and because that's a thing, right? Another thing that I do, I work with a completely different demographic. I work with young people, middle and high schoolers. And I work for a nonprofit. I don't just like walk up to them, right, start talking to them. But I work for a nonprofit that goes into middle and high schools and I teach comprehensive sex ed. If you were like me, I did not get sex ed in high school. Or maybe you got abstinence only based education, things that were related to not having sex, scare tactics, showing really scary videos and scary pictures about sexually transmitted infections and diseases. That's kind of what I got. So clearly that's not really effective and that's why I do what I do, because I want to make sure that people aren't scared to talk about sex, people are afraid to have sex, people aren't afraid to say no to sex, right? All of the options should exist for people because when you add more options, you can make better decisions for yourself in your life. And also it's really fun pulling out condoms and showing high schoolers how to put on a condom because they're like "What?" But anyway, maybe that's for another stream. Luna. "Hi, Jess, I love the shit pillow in the background." I love that pillow! Yeah, it's like the best, it's awesome. And it's so soft and yeah, thank you. Miss Chief O says "I got abstinence only sex ed." Yeah, who has not, right? I envy all of the people that I teach on a daily basis because I'm like "Listen, if I was to go teach this "like in Nebraska, I would get banned from the school." Like me taking out this penis model and showing you how to put on a condom, I would get banned from the school, right? And for kids, they're like "Wait, really? "That's so crazy." So there's a lot of critical thinking too that happens when we're talking about comprehensive sex ed. I should totally do a stream about that. Cool. Oh, Kelly, "OMG I love the rainbow wall of toys." Yes. I also color coordinate because I'm a nerd, so anyway. Thanks for joining! Okay, so enough about me. I totally want to talk about lube, okay? That's why all of you are here listening to me stream today. Lubricants, all the things, right? Maybe you go into a sex shop, you see a whole wall of lube. Maybe you go into Target and you see that family planning section next to the tampons and pads and diapers and you see hella lube, right? What is all of this stuff? What makes them all different? What's good for you? What might not be good for you, right? Please join the chat today. I want to answer any questions that any of you have surrounding lubricant because, once again, there's so much to know. So before I kind of start showing and introducing different types of lube, I always like to address common misconceptions and myths surrounding lube, because once again, we're talking about sex. There's always gonna be misconceptions surrounding sex so I want to make sure that we're nipping that in the bud, okay? One of the biggest myths that I have kind of come into contact with being in like an adult store and working with people is that some people have an idea that if you need to use lubricant in any type of sexual stimulation that you're with or doing, something's wrong with you. Something's wrong with your body. And I run into that a lot. And here's the thing. I'm here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with your body. If you wanna use lubricant, that is super rad, okay? That's all you need to know. There's so many different reasons why people choose to use lube, okay? Common myths are like, you know, if I am excited with my partner or I'm getting aroused or I'm horny or whatever the fuck, right? And I'm supposed to get wet down there. And we're talking to people with vaginas, right? If I'm not getting wet down there or my partner is not able to excite me enough to make me wet down there, something's wrong with my body. Once again, that is a total myth, okay? For people who have vaginas, the vagina is self-lubricating, right? And so when some people are excited, when some people are aroused or horny, they get wet. Some people get more wet than others, some people do not get wet as others, and some people don't get wet at all. All of those things are totally okay, alright? A lot of times people might contribute to whatever, something not working with their body, but people need to understand all the different layers that exist that contribute to your body, okay? So for instance, let's say somebody's having an issue with not getting wet, okay? Think about the things you incorporate in your daily life. Okay, this can be the amount of water you decide to include in your daily life. This could also be what your diet is. This could also be if you're taking medication. Hormonal birth control is an example of that medication. It could also include if somebody is going through menopause. It could also be stress-related. It could also be if someone just had a vaginal pregnancy. There's so many different reasons, right? But it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with you, okay? So I just want to make that clear as we're going through this stream. Everyone's body's different. I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record. I'm probably gonna say that a couple different times, but it's true. My body is gonna be different from your body, than your best friend's body, and your partner's body, okay? Gotta keep that in mind. And also, everyone's got different body parts too so they're definitely not all gonna work the same. So just putting that out there. Luna says "I went to Catholic school "and learned how to get pregnant." Whoa! "Never saw a condom until I started volunteering "at my local HIV AIDS organization. "School definitely did not talk to me about my clit." Yeah, that's super real. Oh my gosh. My favorite thing about, just stemming on what you're talking about with the clitoris here, obviously gotta rep these stickers, hello. I'll just go with the clitorasaurus here. I love showing students a picture of the clit. And what's really fun for me is I like to ask students "What is this a picture of?" And usually students already know what it is, so... We do a little pat on the back for all the sex educators out there and health educators and teachers because we're doing our job as far as, like, being able to talk about anatomy and autonomy, right? But yeah, Luna, I did not hear. I actually had not seen this structure since I entered community college, which is, I don't know, I was like 20 or something like that. So that's fucking nuts. So anyway, now we all know why we're here today and why we're here as pleasure professionals to really talk about what exists because, you know, there should be no shame in anyone talking about the clitoris or anything related to sex. Including lube, so I'll get back to that. So yes, want to make that clear, everyone's body's different. Whatever reason why you choose to use lube is totally fine. Another thing that I like to tell people too is that sometimes during play, I'll use this example because it's pretty important. I have a family friend at one point who reached out to me and they were saying how their husband was having really big issue. So this is a straight couple who was having an issue with wanting to use lubricant. My friend really wanted to use lube because she had just had a kid, so getting back into the journey, if you will, with having any type of penetrative vaginal sex, she said that it hurt and so she wanted to incorporate lube with that, okay? And her husband, and there was also some religious affiliation with this person's beliefs, did not want to use lubricant because they felt that if they used lube, that he failed as a husband, that he failed as a person who was meant and is their job to get their partner aroused. I have plenty of feelings around that butI'm not gonna get into all of those. But it's totally false, okay? It is not anyone's job, it's not your partner's job, it's not your sexual partner or partners or anyone to make sure that you get wet, okay? That's like, first of all, pressure much? Like that is so high stakes with anybody trying to have sex with somebody else and, okay, if that person's not getting wet, I'm not doing my job, I'm inadequate. Okay, totally false. Let's break that. I don't know, probably have media and other sources to blame for that type of belief but that's totally not true, okay? Once again, all our bodies are different, okay? Want to make that clear. We're all different, so as we're going along this stream, you are not inadequate, okay? And I need to double check if that person is still dating that other person. But anyway, that's a side note. Okay, checking my chat. Luna, yay clit stickers. Yeah. Justin. "LOL, most people have never seen that shape at all "as far as I've seen." Yeah, some of the students when I pulled that out, usually in middle school, they're like "It looks like an alien." And I'm like "No, it's not, it's a clitoris!" And then I'm just like the weird sex educating dildo lady who looks like Skrillex. But anyway Lubricant, okay. So with lube, there is clearly so many different kinds of lube that exist and it's really important to know what it is that you're putting inside of your body, okay? And what I mean by that is kind of taking a look at the ingredients that exist inside of lube. So a common question that I usually get from people is do you have a lube or can you help me find a lube that's good for people who are sensitive, right? Sensitive bodies. So maybe somebody's either prone to UTIs a little bit easily or even yeast infections, right? If you're a vagina owner, you gotta watch out for these things. So first I'll start off with talking about a lube called water-based. Water-based is a lube that's really, really subtle for people who have a lot of sensitivities. Here's the thing though. So I've got tons of lube in front of me, I can show you all the different kinds, but I want to first talk about a certain ingredient that's really common inside a lot of water-based lubes. So there is an ingredient called glycerin, okay? For any sex educator who's tuning in right now, you already know what I'm about to talk about, okay? I can probably feel your blood boiling in your veins. Glycerin. So for people who are super, super sensitive, definitely want to stay away from this type of ingredient. So glycerin is what we call a sugar derivative, okay? It's derived from sugar. It is meant to kind of keep lubricant stickier, okay? It lasts a lot longer. If people needed to like reactivate lube, people could spit in it and it will continue to reactivate again a lot easier. The thing is though, with lubricant that has glycerin in it, like I said, it's a sugar derivative. So if you're really sensitive down there, meaning you might have genitals, which if you're tuning in, you have genitals, you're probably sensitive down there. Glycerin is probably not gonna be for you. It could lead to UTIs or yeast infections. I've had many people tell me, like, oh, I used this one lube before that I bought. Common ones that I've heard of are like Astroglide and KY Jelly, but that's not to say every single one of those are. It's just maybe certain kinds of lube. People used it and they're like, yeah, I'm burning down there. It really hurts. I thought lube was supposed to make you feel good. And the thing is, yeah, lube is supposed to make you feel good and make things a little bit more stimulating down there, but not to the point where it feels like somebody's crotch is burning, okay? If that's the case, somebody's most likely using a lube that contains glycerin inside of it. One time I was talking to somebody and they were like "Yeah, I wanted to use lube "with my partner but she kept saying that it burned "and I thought she was joking." And as a reason why she didn't want to use the lube. Anyway, if somebody is using lubricant or using any type of product near the genitals and it doesn't feel good and it burns, you should probably stop, get a towel, and wipe that off, okay? Just saying. I'm gonna pull this up. Hopefully you'll be able to see it. So glycerin. Is this backwards? I can't tell. Well, anyway. So a lot of lubes sometimes say that something is glycerin-free, okay? Or even something that's paraben-free. I really, really, really like it when companies put that on their labels because it makes me feel good as a purchaser to be able to buy a lube and know that the ingredients are gonna be safe for me. I'll admit I'm a creature of habit when I go into stores and if I'm ever buying something for cosmetic use, I don't really look at the ingredients. So like hair products, for instance. I don't really look at the ingredients because, well, first of all, I don't know shit about hair products, so I just assume that whatever's going in my hair, it should be fine. But also, you know, I'm assuming. I'm assuming if I'm going to Target and I'm buying this one particular hair product that it should be fine for me because if it wasn't fine for me, why would they sell it to begin with, right? But that's not really the case and that's not really a good way to really think about things, especially with lube, okay? So if you go into a pharmacy, if you go into a Target or a Walgreens or what have you, right, and there's lube there, look on the back and read the ingredients. It doesn't hurt to do a little bit of research. If you've got a smartphone next to you, turn that shit on and just look it up. It's super easy, okay? And you'll be able to tell right away what ingredients to look for and what to look out for. So glycerin is one of them. The other one that I kind of just mentioned when I showed that bottle is something called parabens. So parabens, in the community of sex education, they've been kind of controversial when it comes to lube. But paraben is a type of preservative, okay? With lubes, you know, we want 'em to last a long time, we don't want something to last for a week and then it's done. So you'll see common preservatives like parabens or you might see citric acid. So there has not really been that many studies as far as what parabens do to human bodies. However, I don't have any links on me, I'm sorry, so you can look this up after I'm done talking about it. But there's been certain studies that have been done on mice to see what the effects of parabens do on mice. And what some studies have shown is that parabens release a lot of estrogen, so an additional hormone inside of that mice, mouses... Inside of mice bodies, which has led to breast cancer and ovarian cancer. So that's just studies on mice. Can't really say that that's the same that it'll do to humans, but hopefully in time there'll be more studies done, maybe for human beings. But for now, I like to stay away from parabens. Parabens are also in other cosmetics too, like shampoos and makeups, so it's not just in lubricant. So just putting that out there. Cool. So glycerin, parabens, things to watch out for when you're looking at ingredients. Alright, so one of the lubes that I want to start talking about, I already mentioned water-based, is a lube... Okay, I'm gonna slow down, gonna back it up. Water-based has three different types of lube, or different consistencies, okay? I'm telling you, there's just so much lube that exists out there. I'm gonna do my best to categorize this stuff. So water-based is gonna have a liquid, which is gonna be usually really thin. Water-based is gonna have a cream, which is usually really soft and silky. And then water-based is usually gonna have a gel, which is usually thick, lot of cushion. So three different types of water-based lubes. So one of the lubes that I figured I'd show is from a company that I really like. This is a company called Sliquid. So Sliquid is really dedicated to making sure that their ingredients are top notch, there's nothing that will get anybody irritated, and that, you know, people don't have to really worry about the product that they're using and they can enjoy it safely. I like a lot of Sliquid's products because they are scent-free, okay? So a lot of lubes are gonna look the same. A lot of lubes might feel the same. But I'm gonna tell you right now, not all lubes smell or taste the same, okay? That is super, super important when you're looking and shopping for lube. Now if you had access to going into an adult store, a sex shop, a place that sells condoms, lubricant, sex toys, things like that. If that store has samples, so like testers that you can put on your fingers, smell, and taste, and do whatever, do that, okay? It's better to find out whether it smells or tastes good before you buy it versus afterwards. Now I understand if you're gonna purchase something like online, online is not gonna really tell you. It tastes great! Or maybe it says scent-free or odor-free, things like that. But you just kinda have to play it by ear. But I'm really confident in this company, Sliquid. I have seen like pretty much their entire line of lubricants that they have that exist. They don't taste like anything, which is great because sometimes some lubes just have an aftertaste that can really ruin the heat of the moment for some people. So just keep that in mind. Okay, I'm gonna do what I did last time, so I guess I'll just put this on my arm so you can see. So with this type of water-based, this is a liquid, okay? So you can kind of see it rolling down my arm right here. So with liquid lubricants, they're exactly what they sound like. It's a liquid. It's gonna be really thin. It will not be sticky, which is pretty rad about liquid lubes. And a lot of people sometimes use liquid for sex toys. So if somebody's using sex toys like a vibrator inside of their body or a dildo inside of their body, liquid lubes are good for sex toys. Now liquid lubes are good for sex toys that go in a vagina, okay? I'll talk a little bit about like what lubes are really good for anal and whatnot in just a sec, but I do not recommend liquid lubes for anal sex, okay? Whether it's... I mean, with toys, fingers, et cetera, et cetera. If something's going in and out of a butt hole, I totally don't recommend this type of lube. And the reason is because, well, our butt holes are super thirsty, okay? And depending on how frequent you incorporate water into your daily life, your butt hole's gonna drink up that lube, okay? So if it's super thin, it's not gonna last as long and chances are, when you're trying to have any type of stimulation, including anal sex, you want the entire experience to be positive and feel good, okay? Who doesn't, right? But with liquid lubes, this is not something I recommend for anal sex, okay? It's too thin. You want to get something that's a little bit more thicker, that's more viscous, that lasts longer. Liquid is just not gonna do that, okay? Liquid is also a good lube to kind of start out with for the first time. Let's say you've never tried a lubricant before. Liquid's a really good, like, gateway lube, if you will, to try out lube because it's not... It's very simple, right? There's no additives inside of this. The one that I'm holding right here, this is Sliquid H2O. What I really like about this liquid is there's no, well, obviously no bad ingredients like glycerin or parabens, but there's no other additives inside of it that makes it sticky, that makes it smell or anything like that. It's really simple. When I say additives, there's gonna be some other lubes out there that you see that have things like aloe vera inside of it. Some of them will have an ingredient called kerogen, which kind of is like a seaweed extract. And those are supposed to help with moisturizing inside of the orifice that you're putting it in. The thing is, I don't have any of those in front of me but those ones tend to get a little bit thicker for people who might be kind of sensitive. For one, are you allergic to aloe vera? That's important to know. This type of lube is just really easy to start off with, okay? You don't have to really worry about what effect that might happen in the body. And for the record, when you're trying to start out with lubes for the first time, a lot of companies like sell small things like this, like little sample packets. I highly recommend if you go onto a website. Maybe we can throw out shevibe.com right there, to talk about certain websites. They sell lube samples like this. This is a great way to really test out lubes to see what works for you, versus like committing to a bottle right away. Because nothing is worse than buying a ginormous ass bottle like this and then realizing you don't like that type of lube. So just be mindful of that. So I have so many different types of lubes here and I love talking about them and as much as I love hearing myself talk, totally wanna see if anybody has any questions. If you haven't joined the chat already, it's anonymous. Make up a fake name, don't matter. I don't have to know who you are in real life, but ask me any questions. The amazing thing about O.school is that we're a free platform here for anybody who's interested in learning about things related to safer sex practices, I'm talking about lube right now, sexuality, all these different things. So if you have any questions, I would love to hear them. Put 'em in the chat, okay? Cool. So that's good with liquid. I want to show y'all now what a cream based lube is. Okay, I almost spilled lube on the table, which was not cool. Also I'll talk a little bit more about barriers in a second but a lot of people sometimes ask me what's a good lube to use with condoms? So whether somebody's using condoms, they're using dental dams, they're using gloves or finger cots, et cetera, et cetera, water-based lubricant is safe to use with absolutely everything, okay? You can ingest it, you can put it on a condom or barriers, you can put it on a sex toy. Maybe not spread it on your toast and eat it, but it's safe, okay? So there's no limitations to when you actually have water-based lube. That's what's really cool about water-based lube and that's also why there's so many that exist. So it's important to know what it is that they do. Alright, so the next type of water-based lube that exists, I like to show people, is a water-based gel. Okay? So this is a bottle of a brand called Slippery Stuff. I kind of like already showed it in the front, but this is one of my favorite gels to show people because this is a gel that's super thick. It lasts a really, really long time and it's not a type of gel or a lube where you have to constantly reactivate. Here's a big difference between liquid and gel, okay? For somebody who wants to use this liquid for any type of, let's say, penetrative sex, okay? You'll notice that it's probably not gonna last as long as you would like it to, so you might have to reactivate it every once in a while. For some people, that's not really a big deal. You know, all they have to do is just reactivate. But for some people like myself, I don't got time for that shit. So I like using lubes that last longer, okay? This one is also one of my favorites because they come in a pump bottle. Seriously, a pump makes a humongous difference when you're talking about just putting lube in your hands. There's some companies out there now that exist that actually you can pour lube into and it like warms up your lube and it's like a no touch dispenser, so you like put your hand under this little sensor and the lube goes in your hand. Maybe that's like a little bit high tech, but for now I'll just go with the pump. And for the record too, you can actually go into any store that sells like pumps on its own and, well, hopefully they'll all kinda fit. I'll admit some don't. But you can just DIY and make a pump on your own. Cut it to the size that you want, cut the tube sideways so the lube sucks up a little bit quicker. But that's what I usually do to Sliquid bottles because just this little cap right here each time can get super annoying for some people like myself. Okay, cool. So I got a question over here in my chat from Ronnie. Hey, Ronnie, thanks for joining. "How long do non-preservative lubes last?" So that's a really good question. If we're talking about lubes that don't have preservatives in them, I doubt that they're actually sold at a storefront. Just because when you think about lubes that don't have preservatives, my guess is they probably might not last more than two weeks. It just depends. Huge difference between silicone lube to water-based lube to oil-based lube, right? They're all gonna have different consistencies, the ingredients are different, so it might just depend. For that record, just the shelf life of lube, if you're looking at a water-based lube, it usually lasts about an... I was gonna say an hour, no. It lasts about one year. So this type of lube, good for a year. This type of lube, good for a year. If you store it in room temperature environments, okay? If you're putting lube in the fridge, that's not considered a room temperature environment. If you're leaving it in your living room where it gets really hot in the afternoon, that's not a normal room temperature environment, right? So keeping these in a closet, keeping these in the bathroom under the sink, whatever works for you, as long as it's kept in room temperature, it will last that long. I'll talk about silicone lubes in just a bit but silicone lubes can last up to almost two years, depending on how frequent it's being used. And then also too, make sure you're closing your caps. That's going to make a really big difference in how long your lubes can last, okay? Because if you keep your caps open, that's going to be, you know, trapping air inside of there and also you get these like little crusties on the top, which is kinda gross. In my opinion. So, not about that life. Thanks for asking that, Ronnie. Okay, so now I got my gels. So gels are literally what it sounds like. It's going to be a thicker consistency. You can see that this is not moving down my hand as quickly, okay? Gels are meant to provide more cushion inside of the body. So going back to that question that I usually get about anal sex, what's a really good lube to use for anal sex? If I want water-based lube, gels are awesome, okay? A lot of times when people are looking for any type of anal stimulation, sometimes people incorporate sex toys like dildos or maybe even butt plugs or anal beads. A lot of times, anal toys are made out of silicone, which is super cool. Silicone is a type of material that's really soft, sometimes it's squishy, sometimes it's firm, but it's really easy to clean and super safe for somebody's body. Now here's the thing. When people are using toys made out of silicone, you can't use a silicone-based lube with those toys, okay? So if somebody's looking, you know, I got a silicone butt plug that I really want to put up my butt but I can't use silicone lube, gels are a really good alternative for that because they're thick, they provide a lot of cushion in the body. Excuse me. And they last longer, so you don't have to worry about reactivating in the heat of the moment, especially for any kind of anal stim. Because sometimes putting lube in the butt can be complicated for some people. Speaking of putting lube in the butt. This invention, y'all, is called a lube shooter. It's probably the best invention in the world when it comes to the lube industry or lube products or putting things in your butt, okay? So sometimes when people are trying to have anal sex and they are using lube, which is something, you know, definitely always recommend for anal stimulation because the anus doesn't self-lubricate. I do not care what people tell me, right? Your anus is not gonna get wet, alright? Doesn't matter how horny you are, doesn't matter how excited you are, how much your butt is starting to expand and contract and all those beautiful things, it ain't gonna lubricate, okay? So you need lube if you want to put something in there and you want it to feel enjoyable. So this device right here is really cool for, you know, those hard to reach areas. So it literally looks like a little syringe that you put inside of your lube bottle. I mean, this is kinda too big, but you'd put this in a lube bottle and you would actually take this and you would suck up the lube. As much lube as you want to, you can never have too much lube. I always like to tell people that. And then you can put a little bit of lube on the outside here, and if you are putting this in a butt hole, you don't actually have to put this all the way inside. Sometimes people think that when it comes to lube shooters. Even enemas too. You don't have to put this inside your butt and then put the lube in. You can if you want to but you don't have to. Honestly and truthfully, you just need to go near the anal opening, so we're gonna pretend that's a butt hole, and people just push this inside of there. I recommend doing it slowly. I know sometimes we get excited and we want to do things quickly but the lube's gonna get all over the place, so don't do that. But yeah, lube shooters are super rad. This is also good for lubes that are a little bit more slippery than others. I'm talking about silicone lube, that shit is super slippery. So yeah, definitely recommend that for this. Cool. Ronnie, "Sorry for going back to this "but what is the brand of that water-based gel lube?" Oh yeah, it's called Slippery Stuff, no big deal. And don't apologize, that's why I'm here. So, sorry, it's really bright in my space here. So Slippery Stuff. This was actually invented by a bunch of surfers. Some dudes were using lube to help get inside of their wetsuits and then they realized that this is actually good for sex too, so that's how Slippery Stuff became invented. And all of this random facts that are inside of my head about lube. But Slippery Stuff is super awesome. Another cool thing about this particular lube is that it doesn't taste like anything either. I'm a huge advocate for this type of lube just because it's scent-free, odor-free, doesn't get sticky, no parabens, no glycerin, and it's just super safe and I think it's awesome. Because I haven't really come into contact with too many lubes that offer all of that. But once again, it also boils down to what your preferences are. So even though that I'm recommending something doesn't mean that it's the best of the best in the world, okay? Maybe it's just what's good for me. Okay, lastly with water-based lube, I want to show this. So this is called a water-based cream. Sometimes people call this a hybrid because what makes it different is it's water-based but it also has a little bit of silicone inside of it for it to last long. This type of lubricant does not destroy silicone toys, so for people who are kind of looking for that middle ground of, well, I like silicone toys but I also love silicone lube, this is a good alternative for people who are not fans of liquid or are not fans of water-based gel. Creams are super rad. Sometimes people like 'em because it compares to natural lubrication or what have you. I guess it looks like jizz, whatever. Depends on the person. But it's cream, right? It's really silky, kind of like the consistency of body lotion, but it's not sticky or tacky. I always like to remind people that. This type of lube is... So this is actually a brand called Please. This is a really good brand I like to recommend for the creams because this one is not as thick and it's not too thin. It's kind of like in the middle. There's gonna be other cream brands that exist out there. Once again, some will feel thicker than others. But I like recommending this because it's kind of an in between. But once again, it's whatever your preference is. One thing about creams is that they are not scent-free, so that's something to be mindful of. So if you're looking for a lube to use for oral sex, this lube is gonna taste like something else. It's not gonna be completely like nothing, okay? So maybe you're not so much with oral sex with this one. But once again, it's your personal preference. Yeah, creams just have a small taste to them so that's something to be conscious of when people are using lubes that maybe they want to use that might go on their mouth and maybe people just don't want a lube that tastes gross. Or that they might think is gross. I personally do not like the taste of this. It deflects from the type of stimulation that I'm trying to go for if it goes in my mouth, so that's just me. Alright. Cool. I lastly want to show everybody this because I am a huge nerd and it just really proves my point when I'm talking about different lubes that exist out there. So on my spare time, or when I'm working, I like to do small little experiments to really demonstrate what I mean about what I'm talking about, okay? So I created this cute little chart that shows a start to finish when it comes to lube. So I have a chart down here that I just filled up with lube and so it's kind of like a race to show what lube is gonna last longer, okay? And so what I always like to do is I like to show the difference between liquid and creams and gels, okay? So we don't have to wait for the entire thing to finish but just to prove my point. So can you tell which is which? So obviously this over here is gonna be my liquid lube and this one in the middle is gonna be my cream-based lube. And then all the way over here is going to be my gel-based lube. Now you can tell which one is the liquid because, well, it's gonna be the one that's running the most, okay? That just proves or goes to show that liquid is going to be thinner and it's just gonna be a little bit runnier. Creams are gonna, once again, come in second. It's kind of an in between. It's not something that's too thick but it's certainly not something that's too thin. Oh, damn, that lube already finished. Okay, well, there we go, I guess that finished it. So creams are gonna be something that's just a little bit softer, okay? Not as thick. The gel doesn't look like it went anywhere or it's slowly but surely going down there, but gel is gonna last the longest. So if you're looking for something that lasts longer or you want a thicker cushion inside of the body with any type of penetration or stimulation, gel's gonna be good for you. Okay, whoa, I totally did not expect that to finish but it certainly did. So there we go. We got liquid, cream, and then gel. Awesome. Thank you all for participating in my nerdy activities. Okay, now I want to talk about silicone lube. And once again, if anybody has any other questions related to any of the stuff that I've talked about or you want to know about a certain lube right away, please ask it. I want to jump to that. I do have a set of things that I like to talk about but I always like being asked questions to make sure that, you know, you're getting what you need. I'm a free resource for you, much like all the other pleasure professionals here at O.school, so ask me any questions about lube, okay? Alright, so silicone lube is something that is super, super different, okay? I have an example of a brand that exists out there called Pjur. Pjur has like seriously 20 different silicone lubes, it's kind of outrageous. So this is just like their original formula, it's super basic silicone type of lube. So with silicone lube, you're gonna notice that this, I know it's like on my hand, you can kinda see it, is gonna be kind of runny like that thin liquid lube, okay? So here's the difference with silicone lube and water-based lube. Silicone lube, this is water resistant. So when somebody's using this type of lube, it's waterproof. It lasts a really, really long time. I know sometimes when people are asking me questions about silicone lube, they think about, you know, is that actually safe to go in your body? And the thing is, it's super safe. Silicone lube is hypoallergenic, so it flushes out of the body, it doesn't get stuck up there, and won't give really people irritation unless you happen to be very sensitive. Silicone lube doesn't really have ingredients like glycerin or parabens inside of them. Typically. So this type of lube, I really like recommending. And it lasts a long time. So it's already kind of like down my arm but if I was to rub and rub and rub and rub, I literally can do this for 15 minutes and this lube will still stay here, okay? Because it doesn't absorb into my skin, which is super rad. So a little bit goes a long way with silicone lube, so if people are looking for a lube that you don't have to reactivate and reactivate over and over, silicone lube is gonna be really good for you. If you are not using any type of toy made out of silicone, I highly recommend silicone lube for any type of penetration. So whether it's vaginal penetrative sex or anal penetrative sex, these lubes are super, super good to use just because you don't have to worry about reactivating every once in a while. So I've been wiping my hand with lube with these napkins. One important thing to know about silicone lube is that it's waterproof, so I am using a dry towel or a dry napkin, because that's the only way to pick up silicone lube. I've had people tell me, like, when I was working at the store, people would call and say "I just spilled all of my lube "all over the floor and I have tile or I have wood floor "and I can't get it up. "What is the secret?" The secret is to not add water because water is just gonna chill there on top of the silicone lube. It's not gonna go anywhere because, once again, it's waterproof. So if you ever spill silicone lube on the floor that's not carpet, get a towel that's dry or get a napkin or whatever the case. Toilet paper. Just make sure it's dry and you'll be able to pick it up. Because yeah, adding water is not gonna do anything to that. So yeah. Silicone lube is super, super rad. Another thing about silicone lube too is that they're usually odorless or taste-free. So if somebody was to put this in their mouth or people want to use something for oral sex that doesn't taste like anything, silicone lube is really, really good. I don't have any lubes that are... Sorry, they're all edible but I don't have any lubes in front of me that have like a taste like strawberries or like pineapple or something like that in front of me. But I just always like to remind people that if you ever find a lube that's like pineapple flavored or chocolate flavored or barbecue chicken, I don't know. It's not a good idea to put that inside of somebody's vagina or inside somebody's butt hole, okay? Oral, right? The place that we can taste from is our mouths. That's what it's intended for solely. If something is flavored, you should only be using it for oral only because when things have different flavors that are sweetened, well, they're sweetened with sugar typically. I've seen some lubes that have aspartame inside of it or aspartame, however you pronounce that word. But they have sugar in it. So if somebody's putting that inside of somebody's vagina, that's not gonna be a good time and yeast infections can happen, that's totally real. And yeast infections are not fun, so just putting that out there. If you're ever looking at a lube that's good for oral, those types of lubes are totally safe to use, just don't put it inside the body. And if somebody wants to use a lube for oral that tastes like nothing whatsoever, silicone lubes are actually pretty good to use for that because all you need is a little bit and you're good to go. There is an ingredient inside of here called dimethicone and what's interesting about dimethicone is that it's also in a lot of other products that have to deal with... Like for instance, like hair products, right? I know when I say that, people are like "Wait, what?" Dimethicone is super safe. What I just like to tell people every now and then, let's say if you are having issues with hair frizz or you are having issues with chafing between your thighs or your elbows or under your knees. Silicone lube can actually be rubbed on those areas of the body, including your hair, to get rid of all of that. There's a company called... Oh, I have one. They're called Uberlube. They're so cool. I like calling them top shelf lube because they're just pretty rad. But Uberlube is super cool because they have a lot of people advocating for them who are bicyclists. And so when people are riding their bikes and they have their bicycle shorts on, they sometimes get chafing. A lot of people have used Uberlube to put that in between their thighs and underneath their knees to reduce any of that chafing. So that's just a fun fact that you can use with silicone lube. So if you've got that in your bag, you're going out dancing, and then maybe you realize whatever you're wearing is too tight on your body, just go to the bathroom, rub a little lube on there, and you're good to go. So that's always fun to tell people too. Cool. Ronnie asks "Is silicone safe with condoms?" Yes, Ronnie. Silicone is totally safe to use with condoms. Believe it or not, any time you're looking at just a typical external condom, they have silicone lube on the outside of them. Condoms are usually always lubricated on the outside versus the inside unless it specifies that it's both. And it's always exclusively silicone lube. That's why when people are opening condoms and it feels kind of slimy, you're feeling the silicone lube. Some condom companies make water-based lube condoms but they usually say it on the front of the condom. I know Kimono makes a water-based condom out there too. But it's not really as popular as silicone on the condoms. But yeah, it's absolutely safe. And that can be with any type of condom. We're talking about latex, non-latex, totally good to go. And then Ronnie also asks "Which lube would you say "stains clothes, sheets, towels, et cetera the worst?" Silicone lube. So there's always gonna be pros and cons to something, right? Silicone lube is so amazing. But if you spill this on your bedsheets or your Liberator or your throw blanket or your shirt, what have you, in large amounts, yes, this will absolutely stain your sheets. So that's just something that people really need to be mindful of when you're incorporating a certain amount of lube, right? If I'm just putting some on my hand and putting it on someone's genitals or putting in orifice, I should be fine. But if I accidentally like spill the bottle all over my sheets, that is not gonna come out of my sheets. So thank you so much for asking that because that is a huge concern a lot of us have, right? I ain't got time to get a new bed sheet every time I want to get down and dirty. What if that's like five times a week, right? Just saying. But what I like suggesting, get a towel, right? Towels are great because then you can just put them in the laundry and then just clean them. Maybe you can have a designated towel, a designated sex slutty towel, that's totally fine. There is a company called Liberator. Liberator is definitely gonna be a little bit more expensive than, you know a $10 towel. But Liberator is company that sells throw blankets, where it's literally what it sounds. It's a waterproof blanket that people can use to use for sex. I mean, I've taken it to the park because it's waterproof, I just haven't told my friends that. But if any of my friends are watching, now they know! Hi. But this particular throw blanket, it reduces spills. So if I was to have that blanket and I spilled or poured silicone lube or coconut oil or somebody's sex juices were just all over the blanket, it's not gonna go to what's underneath. So it'll protect my bedsheets, it'll protect my mattress, it'll protect my couch, or wherever you're using the throw blanket, right? And you know, it's travel friendly. You can take that anywhere you want to. Hotels are good too. But it's gonna be a little bit more expensive. I think those throw blankets start at like $90. So just being mindful of what it is that you're comfortable with. If you want to spend money on something like that, go for it. I love recommending that company. And then there's some other companies that exist out there that I think like kink.com makes specified bedsheets for and pillows for. But like I said, it's definitely what's more comfortable for you. If you want to buy an entire bed sheet and spread, then go for it. If you just want a blanket dedicated, that's great. Or even just having a couple towels dedicated, that's also fun too. So it's always fun to maybe secretly color coordinate your towels at home so you know which ones are your sex towels and maybe your guests or roommates don't. Hopefully your roommates won't be using those towels at the same time. But anyway,thanks for asking that because it's super important. Trace asks "What do you like about coconut oil for lube, "either vaginal or anal?" Oh my gosh. Coconut oil, I love recommending coconut oil. So here's the thing about coconut oil. Lot of people go back and forth and back and forth about whether it's a good lube to use. So if a coconut oil is virgin and unbleached, it's safe to put inside of your body. Now reason I say that, like virgin and unbleached, that basically just means that it's not refined. Meaning like there's no bleach being put inside of it, there's no added chemicals inside of that coconut oil. Because I mean, I tell you, I will say that to people and they're like "Oh yeah, I just bought that coconut oil "from like Trader Joe's the other day, I'll use that." Here's the thing. Not all coconut oil's created equal, okay? What I really, really like to recommend is if you've got coconut oil at home and you know it's got a brand, research that brand to make sure that it is safe to put inside of the body because sometimes it can give people a yeast infection, right? Like I mentioned earlier, people really need to pay attention to their bodies and if somebody knows right off the bat I'm really sensitive, I'm really prone to UTIs or I'm really prone to yeast infections, you need to be mindful about what you're putting in your body. So coconut oil, totally recommend, but just research what you're getting first. There is an actual brand out there that's specifically like designed to be used as a lubricant for sex and whatnot. Or just as a moisturizer. But it's a company called Sensuous Beauty. I don't know if you can see that. And they have something called Love Balm. I am obsessed with this stuff. I love the Love Balm, okay? What's really cool about this product is that they are super hypoallergenic. They're made in Sebastopol, California, and they have a series of coconut oil lubes that have different scents to them. And I know when I say scent, people are like "I don't know about that." But they're hypoallergenic. So the one that I have is called Tropic of Love. This one honestly reminds me of a margarita but maybe that's just me. This is, really smells like coconut. There's also a few out there that have like ylang ylang scent, which is like that herb. Lavender, there's a tangerine one, there's multiple ones. But coconut oil is really good to use for long lasting stimulation. So I'll show really quickly. Similar to like cooking coconut oil, it's like a thick consistency, right? But when I put coconut oil onto my skin and I start to rub it, it melts into an oil. That's what's awesome about this. So it adheres to my own body temperature. A little bit goes a long way. I really like recommending this for people who are pre or postmenopausal because this is something that lasts a really long time. Once again, when we're talking about lubricants and moisturizers, they don't always have to be solely used for sex, okay? Personal moisturizer. So if somebody, let's say, is experiencing dryness inside of their vagina, for instance, somebody could take some lube and we'll pretend this is a vaginal opening and they can put a little bit inside and they can walk around with that inside of their body. And it will really help with moisturizing and discomfort if that's what somebody's feeling. Sometimes the people are experiencing vaginal dryness and they're walking or they're sitting down and it's really uncomfortable. This type of lube can really help. Same with silicone lube. But I'm a huge advocate for coconut oil. The thing to really remember though, when we're talking about oil-based lubricants. So all the other ones that I showed you, water-based and silicone-based, those are totally safe to use with latex barriers. But coconut oil or any other oil-based lube you cannot use with condoms that are made out of latex. So latex condoms that are either, you know, these types of condoms right here, external condoms, internal condoms. Well, actually, I second that. Let me put this down for a sec. Latex. So latex condoms, latex dental dams, latex gloves, finger cots, you can't use it with latex. Non-latex condoms though, there's a condom called polyisoprene. A really good way for me to remember that it's not compatible with lube is saying polyisopregnant or polyisopop, because it will break a condom. That's what oil does to latex or polyisoprene. Now the reason I put this down is because FC2s, this is currently the only, if you're in the United States, this is currently the only internal condom that exists for people to use inside of their bodies. So this looks very differently. It's designed to go inside somebody's vagina but can also be used for anal sex too. This is made out of nitrile. So you could use coconut oil with these types of condoms. But nitrile is the only condom you can use that with. Or, this is just an example, a condom that is polyurethane, okay? Polyurethane condoms are compatible with oil. The thing is though, polyurethane condoms, if people are using this to put on a penis or on a dildo or a sex toy, these condoms do not stretch as well. So if somebody is looking for a condom that might be a little snug, polyurethane is definitely gonna be that, so I just like reminding people about those condoms. But thanks for asking that question. Coconut oil can be used for lube. Vaginal, anal, totally fine. Oh, Betsia. "Wait, but isn't silicone plastic?" No. Silicone and plastic are two completely different things. Somebody could use... Trying to backtrack on what I think you're asking. Silicone is, I'm just gonna grab this dildo that I have right here. Silicone is like an example of a dildo that looks like this, it's very flexible with the body, very safe, it's nonporous. You can use coconut oil on this type of dildo. You can use water-based on this type of dildo. But what you can't use on this type of dildo is silicone lube. I have like this experiment that I've been working on with some of my friends for the past year and a half now. Or a little over a year, about why you shouldn't use silicone lube on silicone dildos. So kind of think about how like dissolves like. It's a chemical reaction that silicone lube will make on a silicone dildo. So that's the only setback that people have for these types of toys if they want to use them. If somebody wanted to though, let's say somebody's like, I'm gonna grab this dildo right here. Somebody really wants to use this dildo, right? But they really want to use silicone lube. You can just take a condom, put it over the dildo, and still put lube on it. It's totally fine, it's really safe. That's really all somebody has to do. But what I don't recommend is just putting silicone lube directly on a silicone toy. In time, people might not notice or see it, but in time it can degrade a silicone toy, depending on how often you're using the silicone lube with the silicone toy. A lot of different people have different feelings surrounding this but me and the industry that I worked in, I just, I don't recommend it. I've seen too many people come in, try to return a dildo and say "I don't know what happened to it." And clearly somebody put silicone lube on it because it looks hella degraded. Like they get bubbly, sometimes you can take your nail and you can scrape the silicone off of it, it's so gross. Here, I'll show my little science experiment really quickly with the small amount of time I have left. So what I have been doing with some of my friends is that we sometimes do science experiments because we're nerds, sex educators, and I have been keeping a dildo in a bottle of lube or a cup of lube for the past year, since February of last year, so it's been over a year now. So this is what the dildo originally looked like. This is called the Mustang, it's made by a company called Big Skin. Alright, y'all ready for this? I'm gonna do this really quickly. This is what the dildo looks like now that I had it sitting in this cup for over a year. This is the original. This is the dildo that's been sitting in silicone lube. It is hella degraded, okay? You can see that the size is no longer the same. This even looks like the Maverick dildo that they make, which is a larger size dildo from that company. I've had people tell me "Wait, but this is a good way "to make my dildos bigger." Don't do it. If you want a bigger dildo, go buy a bigger dildo, okay? Invest, have somebody send you PayPal money, whatever the case may be. Do not use this method to make your dildos bigger because it's a chemical reaction, you don't want these chemicals anywhere near your body, going inside of your body. And you know, the toy's super degraded. I don't know if you can see on the side but one of my friends took her nail and she actually stuck her nail through the entire dildo. See it on each side? Her nail went through right there. So this is why you don't put silicone lube on your silicone toys. Now granted, this is an experiment that I've been doing for an entire year. This dildo's just been chillin' in a cup full of silicone lube. But once again, here's my original, and then here it is now. I can't wait to see what it looks like in another six months, soall the things. Cool. So glad that I got that out of the way. But yeah, if somebody is like "I super love silicone lube "but I super love silicone toys, what can I do?" Well, remember what we went over. Somebody can use a water-based gel, something that's thicker, that lasts longer, which was, once again this is the gel. Somebody can use a water-based cream. Remember, this is the one that has that silkier consistency, it's soft, and it feels really, not sticky, but maybe like natural lubrication for some people. I say that because that's what some people say but I really hate using the word natural. And then also coconut oil. Coconut oil's a really good alternative for people who want to use silicone toys but want something that lasts long as a lube. Coconut oil is really great. Coconut oil does not destroy silicone toys, so totally recommend that, but once again, you just can't use coconut oil or any type of oil-based lube with condoms made out of latex or barriers made out of latex. Like baby oil right here, that is something that should never, for one, be used a lubricant period inside people's bodies. One last thing that I can really say about that is sometimes people will kind of just look around their house and see, well, what can I use as a lube, right? This is slippery, why not try it? Maybe some of us are like "Okay, whoa, "I wouldn't go to that measure," but you'd be surprised what people try to do. And this falls under all ages. I mean, once again, I work with middle schoolers and high schoolers throughout the day and I've listened to experiences of people of that demographic finding things to use as lube because they don't have access to purchasing lube or going to a clinic to get free lube. Baby oil is something that's super common that sometimes people use as a lubricant and I've even talked to people at the sex shop that I work at, adults who use baby oil as a lubricant. And so just know that when you're talking about certain oils, not all oils can go inside your body. Baby oil does not flush out correctly, so that can lead to yeast infections for some people. If that gets stuck inside somebody's urethra, it can cause a UTI. None of those are fun. So if somebody is like trying to use baby oil, people have debated olive oil or grape seed oil, you know, you just gotta be mindful. Look at the ingredients, do your research. Is this something that's safe to go in my body? Is this something that you can't put in my body? Okay, so let me look real quickly at the last minute questions that I got here. Trace, "I love how much..." Thank you so much, I appreciate it! All the seven years' worth of interesting stuff in my brain. Betsa. "No, what I mean is that silicone is a derivative of plastic "and not really into it." Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. So into silicone lube, ingesting it. It's safe. It's safe to ingest. It's super hypoallergenic. I would be mindful of other lubes that exist out there that might have like ingredients that are not so friendly like glycerin or parabens, but as far as like silicone lube, some people enjoy using that for oral sex. Totally personal preference for one person, right? What's good for you might not be good for me type of thing, so just be mindful of that. But it is safe. And then Selma, lastly, "Any thoughts of aloe or aloe in lubes?" Like aloe vera. Aloe vera is great to use as a moisturizer. Sometimes it makes lube smell a little bit sweeter. But just be mindful of sensitivities that somebody might have. So if you're a sensitive individual, like you have to have sensitive lotions or sensitive shampoos, I probably would refrain from having aloe vera unless you know that you're not allergic or sensitive to aloe vera products. Awesome, thank you all so much for tuning into my stream today. I really appreciate all of the questions that you all asked. Please join us for another stream that's happening right after me about masturbation and penises at O.school. O.school, once again, is a free platform for all of you. So we have daily streams all the time, talking about things related to sex, sexuality, gender, safer sex, all the things, right? So please use this as a resource. We are here all the time. If you want to hear more about me, you can follow me at Twitter. My Twitter handle is similar to my website, which is RealTalk_Jess. And that's the same handle as my Instagram. I love posting stuff on Instagram, so if you enjoyed seeing some of my experiments that I did on here, you'll see them on Instagram and then other funny pictures and videos that I post. But thank you all so much for joining me. My next stream is going to be on the 14th, where I talk about toys for queer women to use and lesbian women and people who are dyke identified. So tune into that stream on the 14th at three o'clock if you want to learn more about that. So once again, thank you all so much for being here.

F*ck Lube shame! Why You Need It

Date
Mon
Sep 10, 2018
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7:26 pm
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Calendar
Monday, September 10, 2018
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7:26 pm

F*ck lube shame—lube is the actual BEST. Sex educator Jess tells you why it's awesomesauce, which brands and formulas to buy and how to use it.