ON-DEMAND

Dating For Disabled Youth

Calendar
Streamed
Friday, July 27, 2018

What is dating? How do you figure out who you even like? How about asking someone out? Come chat with me about all this and more! This class is for folks with disabilities 18+ and also parents and teachers.

Video transcript

Hello all, I'm so excited you're all here. This class isn't a typical class, that you might've had in school. I want you all to ask questions at any time. You just type them in the chat box, and I will be sure to respond. You just need a US phone number, or an email to use the chat. I also have a great moderator who will be helping with anything you need, so just ask. We will be, oh her name's Rachel by the way. We will be talking about, got big variety. Had to add that in. Okay we will be talking about sexuality and gender. Figuring out who you like, and asking people out and going on a date. Just as an introduction for anybody that has not been to one of these classes before, this is your pleasure professional, Eva. Eva has written up a whole class for me to read. I'm Eva's assistant, my name is Cameron. I help Eva 'cause she's nonverbal and she uses, typically for when we're answering questions and stuff, I'll be reading from Eva's letter board, which she points at different words and letters using the laser pointer on her hat, and R-A-C-H, and Rachel has a short video if you're interested in getting familiar with what the letter board looks like. In case you're curious. But yeah, so most of the class is gonna be written, is gonna be me just reading from this, but when we answer questions, Eva will answer them, and if you guys have any questions at any time, please ask them. Yeah, so we're just gonna get started now. Just gonna dive right into it. Oh and there's a handout that Rachel has as well that you can check for in the chat room. So if you want to follow along with all the major points of what we're discussing, you can check out that handout. We will also go T-H, go through it at the end, and there will be time at the end if you, to answer any other questions you guys might have. Okay, awesome. All right, so. Gender identity and sexual orientation are two completely different things. Your gender identity is who you are on the inside. Girl, boy, both, neither, something else. Your sexual orientation is who you are attracted to, who you find cute. Here are some, but not all, examples of gender identities. Someone could be cisgender, a person who identifies as the sex that they were assigned at birth. That means what the doctor said when you were born, like it's a girl, it's a boy. For example, if you were assigned female at birth, and you identify as female, then you are cisgender. Transgender is an umbrella term for folks who aren't cisgender. Two examples of transgender identities could be female to male, or male to female. That means you were assigned one gender at birth, but feel like another. Folks who are transgender sometimes choose to medically transition with surgery and or hormone therapy, but do not always do this. Agender is when you don't identify as any gender. Non-binary is when you feel like a gender that isn't male or female, or you don't fit into the gender binary. Genderqueer is when you feel like many genders at once. Gender nonconforming is when you like, when you feel like gender is a social construct and not important to who you are. Yeah. These are just a few examples of gender identities, and there are way way more, and finding the one that fits you is definitely doable. Sexual orientation, who you like, also has a lot of different forms. Heterosexual or straight is when you're attracted to the opposite gender only. For example, if you identify as female and are attracted to males, you are heterosexual. Bisexual is when you are attracted to people of both male and female genders. Homosexual, i.e. gay or lesbian, is when you only like people of the same gender as yours. For example, if you identify as female and are attracted to females only, you are homosexual. So news for you there. Thanks, oh thanks Maya, fantastic handout. Yeah awesome. Heck yeah. All right, and the word queer. Queer is an umbrella term for people who aren't heterosexual. So that can mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people. But it's just not straight, that's for sure. Yeah, exactly. Pansexual is when you're attracted to people of all genders, including people that don't have genders. It's very very open there. Yeah. And asexual is just when you're not attracted to anybody. There are a lot of identities, so how do you figure out the one you feel most comfortable with? In terms of gender, think about what makes you, think about what makes you the person that you are. What makes you the most comfortable? And this can totally change throughout your life. So don't ever feel defined by the words you use to you know, reflect how you're feeling. It's a fluctuating experience. In terms of sexual orientation, think about who catches your eye. Who do you find cute? I knew I was queer because I started checking out girls when I was 12. So that was a sign that I wasn't straight. The people you're attracted to could be TV or movie actors, or musicians, or even people at college. This identity also can change over time. For example, I was lesbian for 15 years, and then I became attracted to a nonbinary people, so lesbian just didn't fit me anymore. I now identify as queer because I'm attracted to all kinds of genders, yeah. You might not know who you really like until you start dating. For example, I thought I was supposed to like more girly girls, so I tried to date those kind of girls, even though I wasn't attracted to them at all. So after a few years, I tried dating more boyish people, and that was definitely my cup of tea. So how do you meet people on a date? Wait. That's, yeah I said that wrong, sorry. That would be a pretty weird situation actually. Anyways. How do you meet people to date? How do you meet people that you want to date? Yeah, going to meetups for activities that you enjoy is a great way to meet people. You already have one thing in common, so you can talk about that at first. Also apps and websites like OkCupid, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and even Tinder are good ways to meet people. Just be careful not to disclose too much personal information. So now that you know who you like, how do you ask them out? If you are friends or know each other, you can just say hey would you like to go on a date with me? They might say yes, or no. If they say no, if they say no it is most likely has nothing to do with you. They might be involved with somebody already, or they're just into different kinds of people. It stinks to get a no from someone you like, but try not to take it too personally. Okay so, wait read that one. If you meet people online, feel out the relationship first before asking them out. Does it seem like they want to be friends? Are they sending you cute messages? If you feel like they're into you, you can absolutely ask them out, especially for people you meet online. Especially for people that you meet online, have your first date in a public place for safety reasons. And maybe T-E-L, tell, tell a friend where you're going, and what time your date is supposed to be done or when you're supposed to be home. If they do say yes, then you can plan your first date. I would make it casual, like getting coffee or tea with them. I know many people like movie dates, but don't really talk and get to know the person on a movie date. Also, group dates can be super fun and it's less intense than going on a one on one date. Dating is exciting and fun, but going on a date with someone does not mean you're going to start a relationship with that person. Take it slow and enjoy it. Keep in mind, you need your alone time too, so don't ignore your friends just because you're dating someone. If your date gets mad that you're hanging out with other people, they are probably not a good match for you. Also, don't get jealous if they want to do other things with other people too. Even married people spend time apart and hang out with their friends. If you're going on a date, what do you do when you need help with things like eating and drinking? First dates are all about getting to know the person, not teaching them how to help you. But it can be weird to bring an aide on a date. Here's how to make it less weird. Explain to your date why you're bringing an aide with you. It just takes a few moments, and then everyone will be on the same page. If you just show up with an aide, without explaining the situation, your date might be startled. When you're planning your date, you can say hey I'm bringing my aide Cameron. They're really cool and will help me communicate. Having an aide close-ish to your age helps you not feel so chaperoned on a date. You can even have a secret code when your aide can take a walk, and leave so that you can have some alone time with your date. I use the semicolon symbol on my letter board. You can do anything, like dropping something or saying a phrase. If you don't need aides, you can just explain briefly your disability and what that means for the date. It could mean nothing, but it could bring up any accommodations that you may need. Let your date ask any questions about your disability. People sadly don't interact with people with disabilities often, so your date might have questions, but this is a good sign. It means that they're interested in you and want to learn more about you. If they ask questions that make you uncomfortable, you can politely decline to answer. Again, they're just trying to get to know you and knowing what makes you uncomfortable is an important part of that. I want to talk about consent. Consent is saying yes enthusiastically to whatever activity you and your date are doing. Consent can be a verbal, by saying yes. Or nonverbal, by gesturing yes. Always ask for consent before you do something to anyone. For example, can I hold your hand? And wait for the answer. If the answer is no, you must respect that. People can also take away consent at any time. If you have been holding hands for five minutes and the other person says they don't want to anymore, hands are sweaty, you know, or whatever reason they don't want to hold hands anymore, you must respect that at all times. The same goes for you. You never have to do something that you don't enthusiastically agree to, and you should seize every opportunity to withdraw consent. For example, if someone holds your hand without asking first and you don't want them to hold your hand, you can say no. Remember, no is a complete sentence. So dating can be super fun and exciting. Just take it slow and enjoy the experience of getting to know someone, and now it's time for questions. So ask me anything, everyone. Okay, love the secret code tip. Yeah it works, it really does work. It's a very casual and easy way, like I'll just be like I'm gonna go to the bathroom for like 30 minutes or something. Sit on my phone a while while you guys get to know each other. It's a really smooth move. Yeah, definitely. Okay so, but we can also go through the handout while you guys think of any questions that you may have. Yeah, so basically what we covered today. Gender identity. Cisgender, a person who identifies as the sex they were assigned at birth. That means what doctors said when they were born. It's a boy, it's a girl. You know the story. Transgender is an umbrella term for people who aren't cisgender. Two examples of cisgender identities could be female to male, or male to female. That means you're assigned one gender at birth, but you feel like another. Folks who are transgender sometimes medically transition with surgery and or hormone therapy, but not always. Agender is when you don't identify as any gender. Nonbinary is when you feel like a gender isn't male or female. Genderqueer is when you feel like many genders at once. Something popped up on the screen. Gender nonconforming is when you feel like gender is just a social construct and not important to who you are, and you know this doesn't, what your gender identity doesn't really affect the way you dress either. You can dress whatever way you want whether you're trans, nonbinary, and it doesn't mean anybody can invalidate what gender you feel. This thing maybe needs to go away, okay. Let's see, hold on. Okay, Montana, invisible disabilities can sometimes be hard to bring up on a date. How can I go about telling a date about something they can't see? I am a B-I, big, F, a big fan of putting your disability on your profile. It does not have to be a L, like a long you know novel about your disability and your experiences, but just like I have... But just like I have whatever, you know I deal with this, I deal with anxiety, I deal with you know, and this is what that means for me. If you don't feel comfortable with that method, I would S-U-G, I would suggest, T-E, telling them when you are C-H-A, C-H-A-T, chatting before the D, before the date. When you're chatting before the date. So just in casual conversation. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Whether you know, 'cause especially if it's affecting something, 'cause there's plenty of invisible disabilities that can affect day to day things, regardless. So if it's something that just needs to be aware of, but just in general like just chatting and making it, it's a part of your life. You can even find a casual way to bring it up, like oh hi, almost ran out of spoons today. I'm so tired, just gonna Netflix now. You know, there's a lot of ways to do it but you can make it a casual and easy thing, and this is a great, being upfront about it and not making it a big deal on either end opens up a great room for conversation, but also we doubt people before you actually go on the date, because if they react badly or if they've got like just, you know you just get bad feelings for them once it's disclosed, or whether you disclose it right away on your profile. I mean, if you disclose it on your profile sometimes you might get less messages, but it's just the quality. It's about the quality of the messages that you're getting, and the quality of the people that you're choosing to be around, exactly. Does that help, and if what you were asking and if you have any other questions about that, please feel free to ask. If you could use a secret code to get some alone time with your date and then decide you'd like them to return from their walk, what's the easiest way to let your aide know? My aide generally S-T-A, stays in like, you know, pretty close by. So I can just look at, I can just look at them. And we don't go for like ever, either. I mean it's not like totally, like I'm just gonna do my own thing. Gonna go see a movie down the street or something. It's usually, usually we come back anyways, kind of feel it out, but especially 'cause you love to go get coffee with people, or go to a restaurant or something. So I can just, yeah like I said go to the bathroom and just take longer than usual, for the most part. But for the most part it's not too big of a deal I think trying to get them to come back. Exactly, 'cause you don't totally abandon them, but it gives you both a chance to just like, they have to try out your letter board and like that, it's just more intimate. Gives you some more intimate time on a date, but we don't leave forever, yeah. But if somebody wanted to have like you know, longer it really depends on like, 'cause with you you can't just text me and tell me to come back, so that's why it's better that we're within range. But, my, oh my date can text you. So if you guys can send both openly, like want to have alone time, you can just text me and tell me to come back. 'Cause that definitely happens too, it's just more with dating later on, 'cause with the first dates we'll pull the sly little things where you guys can get to know each other, but when you actually are both like we need alone time, I'll just pop off until someone tells me to come back, and usually it's your date texting me, exactly. Okay. Yeah, it helps if we are ever doing anything physically hard for me, walking long distance, I will probably tell them about that ahead of time. Yeah, that's a great example. Like if there are accommodations that they just wouldn't think of, or notice if you don't mention it, you want to deal with that before you're suddenly going on a hike or something, exactly you know? So good, I'm glad that helps. It's definitely important, and if somebody's not cool with it, that's their fucking problem you know? Somebody that really just wants to get to know you and is interested in you, it's not gonna matter. So just don't be afraid of casually putting those things out there, what you need, and it's just great. You need that kind of communication and it's in a really healthy place to start as well. D, that's what I meant. C-O-M, communication is just key with every relationship no matter who you are, what you can and can't do. You gotta talk about stuff, and some of these things it's scary you know? Disclosing, but you don't want to get yourself in situations later on where you've wasted a lot of time and energy, or you put just too much into it or to deal with too much bullshit, so getting those kind of nuances out of the way in the first place, it's just gonna save you a lot of trouble. Exactly. Okay, so we're gonna run through some other stuff we were talking about earlier. These were really great questions, and thank you so much Rachel and Montana. Really appreciate it, and if you have any more think 'em up, let us know. We're just gonna run through some of the stuff we were talking about earlier. So we talked about sexual orientation. There's heterosexual, being attracted to the opposite gender. Bisexual, when you're attracted to people both male and female genders. Homosexual, gay, lesbian is when you only like people of the same gender as yours. For example, if you identify as female you're attracted to females only, you're very gay, you're homosexual. Queer is an umbrella term for people who aren't heterosexual. Pansexual, when you are attracted to people of all genders. Asexual is when you aren't attracted to anyone. And there's other things too, like who you're romantically attracted to for one, so some people identify as asexual but still like to date, and have a lot of romantic feelings and like to have partnership and closeness. And there's all kinds of ways, and this doesn't even touch on monogamy or polyamory either, but that's kind of something, it's something to consider because a lot of relationships go to monogamy by default, like that's what our society expects from us because that, because that's what we, what we see in movies, media, television, stories. Everything is a bunch of straight people committing themselves to each other and it's the best thing ever. Like there's crying in the rain and it's amazing, you know? That's just what is expected of us, and it's kind of a pretty big thing to try to fit into. And it's really fucking hard. So there's all kinds of people and ways of dating, and finding out what you're comfortable with, it's good to explore. Ask yourself these questions. What would I be okay with? And jealousy is also something that people who are monogamous and polyamorous have to deal with either way, so that's why communication is key throughout all of this, no matter what you decide to do, you just gotta talk about it, and that's what's gonna get you through it. That's what gets you through jealousy and these feelings. It's how you deal with that, how you work together to deal with the problem. I like T-E, texting or E-M, or emailing when I need to talk about E, when I need to talk about I-M-P-O, important things. So that's Eve's personal preference, especially because I can get, I can just get it all out there, especially with someone who's nonverbal it's just nicer to just lay it all out for them to think about, and you know, and reply then instead of having to individually put together this whole thing, especially if there's a lot to talk about. And the other person could I-N-T-E, interpret, I-N-T-E-R-U, interrupt, that can happen a lot. Especially because of the way your communication is, I'm literally saying the words out loud so I could easily just be like oh but, and not let you finish the whole thought and just keep getting caught in the sentences of the entire issue. So it's just faster and easier to get the point across in that way. What other way you choose to, to talk to your partners and your love interests about things that you're feeling is up to you. Whatever works best, but that is one really great way to do it, especially if you're nonverbal. Awesome. Yes, and if you are enjoying what you're hearing today, if you are learning something, gaining something from this experience or you just want to support O.school and your creative professional and these classes, we appreciate anyone who's able to donate. All you have to do is put a little tip in that jar over there in the chat room, and we appreciate every cent. It goes 50/50 with the pleasure professional and O.school, and helps keep this awesome platform super accessible and this information just pumping out there. Okay, so. We talked about figuring out your gender and sexuality. In terms of gender, what makes you the person that you are? What makes you most comfortable? That could be your pronouns, how people see you and perceive you. And sometimes that doesn't matter, but it's what matters to you. You know, what makes you feel good. In terms of sexual orientation, think about who catches your eye. Who do you find cute? You know lots of movies, TV shows, actors, bands, college kids out there for you to just, you know, you can think about lots of cuties out there. This identity also can change over time. You might not really know who you like until you start dating. So one really great thing, rule to kind of go by when you're trying to figure out who or what you are is to feel it first and then label it later, you know? Like just go with what your heart's telling you, and don't worry about oh but I'm supposed to be straight. Oh I'm supposed to be gay, I'm supposed to be bi. You're not really supposed to be anything except for whatever you want to be. So just feel it first, and then you can label it later if you want to. Meeting people to date up. Go to meetups for activities you enjoy. It's a great way to meet people, 'cause you know the typical way of like, what dating parties, nightclubs, those places aren't always accessible. They aren't always just really the kind of environments you want to meet the kind of people you want to meet in, and it's, and the accessibility and the lighting, it's just not always good for everyone. Bars and stuff and smoke, there's a lot of problems that can come in the way there. So many cuties out there, yeah exactly. Yeah, too many. It's great. So yeah there's a lot to work with in figuring out what you're into. Maybe, maybe no. If R-A-C-H, if Rachel can D, drop the H-A, handout for any, for anyone to check it out. We might have dropped it earlier, but if you could drop it again possibly just to make sure everybody knows what we're reading off of. That would be really awesome. Cool, okay. So, 'cause yeah we're just running through what we got here. So yeah, great way to meet people. Apps like OkCupid, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder, those are awesome ways to meet people. And whether or not, kind of what we talked about earlier, whether or not you disclose your disability on your profile or if you wait until you first start talking with someone, you want somebody to be attracted and then you want to get to know someone, just do it preferably before the date so that you don't have to deal with any weirdness or accommodation issues while you're on the date. And it's just a great way to weed out people. There's plenty of awesome people out there, like don't think that nobody can love you 'cause you're lovable as fuck. There's plenty of awesome people out there that would love to get to know you, so just do these things so you're not gonna waste your time on the people you shouldn't be wasting your time on, yeah. Okay. And yeah, just be careful. Don't disclose too much at first, you know, in terms of personal information. And then when you're ready to ask people out, wait what's happening here? Asking people out. If you're already friends or you know each other, you can say hey wanna go on a date with me? Just really casual, and if they say no it most likely has nothing to do with you. They might just be into other people. It's nobody's fault how anybody feels, so just try not to take it too personally. And they might be involved with somebody already. There's all kinds of reasons. But don't let it discourage you and don't take it too personally. If you meet people online, feel it out online before asking them out. You can get to know a lot of people pretty quickly if you give it a little time to get to know each other. I mean sometimes like, people really show it quickly. If you take like five minutes to not reply to somebody and they start freaking out, you're like all right well that wasn't gonna work. So yeah, there's a lot of great ways to get to know each other online before you guys meet in person, exactly. A lot of people like movie dates, but you don't really get to talk to people on movie dates. That's kind of a better like, maybe second or third date. So when you're first getting to know each other, go to a public place, especially if you met online. If they're asking lots of questions, this is a great sign. It means they're interested and they want to learn more with you. And if they ask anything that makes you uncomfortable, you can politely decline to answer, and like doing things like this just like you're allowed to have boundaries and if anybody doesn't respect your boundaries, you can just be like, excuse me I'm gonna leave now. You know? Yeah. So just excuse yourself if you're not feeling it at any time. And again, they're just trying to get to, but you know most people they're just gonna be trying to get to know you. And knowing what makes you uncomfortable is a very important part of that. And then take it slow. Dating is exciting, but going on a date does not mean you're gonna be going on a, having a relationship with that person. So just enjoy it as it is. Take it slow. You know, one day at a time as things are getting started, and when things get more serious, or you start seeing each other more frequently, you can talk about those kind of things and it's good to also talk about what you're looking for in the beginning, just in general. Like if you're looking for something more serious, something more polyamorous, something, well not that serious and polyamorous can't be, they're not exclusive. But it's good to just kind of be honest about things like that if you have certain expectations just so everybody's on the same page and you're not disappointed later. So, yeah when you're planning your first date, make it casual. Coffee, tea, great casual first dates. Going to public places, very wonderful. I know many people like movie dates, yes talked about that. Take it slow, okay I'm running through this. Okay and then relationships are super exciting, but keep in mind you need your alone time. Don't ignore friends just because you're dating someone. If your date gets mad that you're hanging out with other people, they're probably not a good match for you. So, and don't get jealous if other people want to do anything. So just, it's a very natural and healthy part of just letting the person that you like having their, 'cause they still need to be an individual. You don't just like join and become symbiotic beings. So just you know, be respectful and live your life, hang out with your friends and know that alone time is a very healthy part of things. And that gives them time to miss you and think about you, and have fun stuff to tell you about later. It's just, it's great. So oh, oh yeah stuck out there. That, that's a good point. Yeah. So yeah, alone time's just very healthy, and hanging out with your friends is really healthy. And then if you have to bring, if you need help, if you need an aide and you need to bring an aide on a date with you, explain to your date why you're bringing an aide. It takes a few moments, and then everyone's on the same page. If you show up without an aide, it might be kind of weird. Like it might be a little startling, like who's this guy? Like is this your bodyguard or is this your boyfriend or what is happening? Having an aide closest to your age helps not to feel chaperoned. Like if you have an older one, it might get a little weird, depending on what your assistants are like. So having younger aides can really help lighten the mood, but even if you you have a an older aide, it could, it can D-E definitely W, work too. Yeah, I mean there's all kinds of people out there, but just you know, sometimes having younger aides can definitely help make it feel like you're not, like this guy's not your babysitter or something like that you know? But yeah. Don't... Yeah and then the secret code, I talked a bit about that earlier. Have something so your aide knows when to leave, and you know, and that's a whole nother thing making sure your aide is on the page for that. It's the secret code, time to leave, time to come back kind of stuff. And there's a lot of ways, a lot of people think about consent as purely a sexual thing like yes I want to have sex, but it's an ongoing thing and it happens every day in our life from the littlest things to the biggest things, and it's really important to know and be in control of what you are consenting to. So there's all kinds of people that have certain sensory and touch issues, especially with autism and other and just being on the spectrum and all kinds of other things 'cause people have so many different types of bodies, sensory experiences, or P-A-I, or pain or trauma. There's all kinds of reasons that someone might not want to do something no matter who they are. So being aware of what you're consenting to and not agreeing to anything that you're not enthusiastically like wanting to do, whether it's a hug, somebody wants to hold your hand, you want to hold somebody else's hand, whatever it is, you have to get consent first. And wait for their answer before you do it, and if it's a no you just respect that. You don't have to make it a thing, just respect that. And sometimes people will want to do something one time, might not want to do it another time and whatever the reason is, nobody is obligated to say yes to anything. And, say and say thank you for, thank you for asking or thank you for T-E, telling or thank you for telling me, if somebody tells you what they want or what they don't want. Awesome. So yeah. Consent, super important in every part of your relationship. It's not just sex, and it's ongoing no matter what. The same goes for you, you know? Just make sure, yeah. So remember, no is a complete sentence and yeah, with that, so that is a pretty run through of everything we've talked about today. We have 15 minutes left, a little less, 13 minutes, so if anybody has any other questions or any thoughts, you know any things you think you'd like to dive into more, or anything else you're curious about, personal experiences or whatever it is. Please feel free to ask us. This is definitely the question time. Oh also next Friday, not next Friday, no. Not next Friday, when is it? When's the 101 class? We are not, oh we're not gonna talk about that? Okay, that's fine. I don't know what that is, but all right. Well next Wednesday we have a, if anybody wants to come to our Q&A, we have a Q&A every Wednesday which is like if you want to talk about something not related to this regarding sex, disability, whatever you can come and that's just an open discussion hour. So if you want to come hang out with us and talk, discuss in the chat, we're also here every Wednesday. It is so, it's so fun. Yeah it's really fun. We talk about all kinds of things. And so if you or anybody you know would benefit from having a safe, open space to talk about sex and disability, our experiences, please feel free to share and D-A-T, oh and dating, yeah. It's the full realm of things, yes. So yeah, if you're interested in that or anybody you know are interested in that, please come, we're here Wednesday at five. And you can also follow, stay updated on all of this on Eva's social media. Twitter, nope don't want to do that? Okay. Yeah. Also, D-A, dating takes, dating takes P-R, takes practice. So nothing, perfection is an illusion. You're not gonna find like the classic Hollywood romance like almost anywhere, to be honest with you. I mean there is wonderful love out there, but it's, dating's never perfect. It just never is. There's all kinds of things that you have to deal with. And it takes practice to learn from your mistakes and learning from relationships and the people that you meet for E-V-E, for everyone, yeah. Not just people with disabilities. Everybody needs practice, and it takes time to learn. Dating is freaking hard, to be honest. It's a little hard, and you're you know, and people get I think really wrapped up into whether they're monogamous or polyamorous there's this idea of forever. Like we're gonna be, it's that Hollywood fantasy right? Like forever, we gotta be together forever and then suddenly, with the pressure of forever, when you get into a fight and you think oh my god maybe we're not gonna be forever together, and you're just like too overwhelmed by the pressure of trying to maintain this fantasy, that you can't even properly deal with the problem, and so de-dramatizing your relationships is I think a really big key to having a healthy relationship by not, like taking it every day at a time. Like respecting, like we were talking about with consent, being in a relationship is an ongoing thing. It's like growing a garden you know? And sometimes gardens go bad and you might have to even move because the soil's just shit, and like yeah you know? So if it's not working, sometimes it's not working, but the best way is taking every day one day at a time and like always respecting someone's choice to be or not be with you, 'cause it is really wonderful when you think somebody chooses to be with you all the time. That's like kind of amazing right? E-N-G, enjoy, enjoy it. But don't get too E-X, too excited. And yeah, and don't let the pressure of being together forever keep you from dealing with your problems, because it's not you versus them. It's you guys working together to face your problems and just you know, try to be a team in some way. Exactly. So yeah, I know a lot of people that'll also just, it feels like the end of the world sometimes. Like when you even get in a fight with your partner, especially but then I think one thing that I personally like to do is if you ever get really emotional and you're just like oh my god, oh my god, what am I gonna do about this? This is so, like just imagining like this is gonna sound a little weird, but imagining you guys broke up. But then imagine that you're okay, and that everything's okay and that life goes on 'cause that's what usually happens. And then you bring yourself back and you're like okay, so we could break up and that, but then everything would be okay still. But I don't want to break up, so what can I do in this moment to try to work beyond the problem that we're having? That's such a good, a good technique. I think, it helped me quite a bit to not, 'cause I just know how dramatic things and emotional things can get, especially when you're fighting with your partner and you just don't know how to move forward 'cause you're just so afraid you're gonna break up, and I fuckin' hate that. Exactly. So yeah, just finding those ways to just enjoy each other on a day to day basis and you'll just, you'll find a lot more joy in every relationship you have when you do it like this, yeah. Okay. We have, we are, we're going to play us out with a song. I hope, we hope that you learned a lot today and really gained from this experience. If you are in the mood, if you feel if you're able to help with this class, help keep this class open, we're open to any donations or tips that you're able to give. If you've learned something, we really appreciate it or if you just want to support us, whatever it is it's beautiful and we'd appreciate it. Other than that, you guys had great questions and we hope you, no matter what, gained or learned something today, and thank you Rachel our moderator for helping moderate. And everybody who came and watched and asked questions, we really appreciate it. And we will be here this coming Wednesday.

Dating For Disabled Youth

Date
Fri
Jul 27, 2018
|
1:00 pm
|
Calendar
Friday, July 27, 2018
|
1:00 pm

What is dating? How do you figure out who you even like? How about asking someone out? Come chat with me about all this and more! This class is for folks with disabilities 18+ and also parents and teachers.