Whether you’re just curious about impact play, want to know more, or are already an impact play expert, there’s a ton of information out there to broaden your impact play world.  

In this stream, dominatrix Mistress Mona Darling discusses impact play: what it is, how to do it safely, and how to make it a fun time.

First thing’s first: When engaging in impact play — whether that’s flogging, caning, spanking, or something else — it’s always important to be safe. Avoid hitting the spine and kidneys. Make sure genitals are also tucked away so they aren’t in the line of impact. It’s also important to be emotionally safe. Negotiate boundaries and safe words, and be sure those things are always respected. 

It’s also important to communicate the emotional needs behind the kink so those needs can be met. Is it meant to just be playful? Do you want to be punished? Are you a slave who’s being trained? “All of these things are going to impact what tool you use, how you give that spanking, or how you negotiate having that spanking given to you,” says Mistress Mona. For example, if it’s about age play and you’re role playing mommy punishing the baby, you might use a wooden spoon. 

Mistress Mona discusses various tools you can use for impact play, and which objects may hurt more than others. An object with more surface area will hurt less than something smaller. Something like a cane, however, is going to hurt a lot more, so you might want to focus it on the buttocks. It all depends what kind of pain and sensation you and your partner are trying to experience. Toys, materials and sensations can be highly personal choices, so you might want to do some experimenting to figure out what you like best. Whether you prefer a wooden or leather flogger is up to you. You can buy impact toys at sex shops, but Mistress Mona also recommends Etsy and DIYing toys. You can use everyday objects like a spatula or a cheese board from IKEA.  

Besides the actual tools you use, a big part of impact play can be theatrics and the mental games. Mistress Monda says she enjoys a signal whip because it makes a loud crack and “it’s awesome for terrorizing people.” Because “sometimes impact play doesn’t necessarily need to include impact, it’s a threat.” You can also tease someone with a soft caress with something leather before flogging them.

Impact play can be fun, humiliating, sexy, exciting, scary, and all of the above. It’s important to always first discuss what you want, safe words, and to be clear on the kind of emotional experience you’re looking for. If you feel safe and secure with a partner, then impact play can be a great way to test or expand your sexual boundaries.