How To Stimulate A Clit

Looking to unlock clitoral orgasm? Sexologist Colby Marie Z gives her top tips for how to stimulate a clitoris. Get (or give) the pussy pleasure you desire!

How To Stimulate A Clit

How To Stimulate A Clit

How To Stimulate A Clit

Updated
August 15, 2019
Medically Reviewed by
3 minute read

The clitoris is the only part of the body whose sole purpose is to receive pleasure. Since that’s the case, we should be extra good at giving it the attention it deserves.

In this stream, sex educator Colby Marie Z teaches us how to stimulate the clit.

First off, where even is the clitoris? If you look at your vulva, which is the outside area of your vagina, you’ll see the outer lips — the labia majora — and inner lips — the labia minora. The clitoral hood can be found at the top of the inner lips and is about the size of a pea. It has about 8,000 nerve endings, which is the highest concentration of nerve endings anywhere on the body. This is just a small part of the clitoris, however, as most of the structure is internal and looks a little like a wishbone.

“The clitoris is the most reliable way for most people with clitorises to have an orgasm,” says Marie Z. It’s difficult for most people to reach climax just from vaginal penetration. The additional clitoral stimulation might be the thing you need to get you there. You can stimulate it with the tongue, with fingers, you can rub it against something — there are so many ways to make your clit feel good.

When you get aroused, blood starts pumping straight to the vulva, making the clitoris erect. Your lips will become more engorged, and the clitoral hood will retract to expose the clitoris more. Because of this, it’s more sensitive during arousal which means you might want to give it gentler stimulation. The kind of stimulation you like, however, is entirely up to you, which is why it’s important to communicate your needs to a partner.

“We are not taught as often to speak up and advocate for ourselves and our needs, and really prioritize our pleasure,” says Marie Z. “In a lot of ways, we’re socialized to prioritize our partner’s pleasure, especially if that partner is a man.”

In order to begin communicating what gives us pleasure, it’s important to first be able to articulate what we like. To figure out what works, masturbate. You can try rubbing your clit with varying pressures, angles, and motions and notice the things that work. Try involving sex toys, lube, porn, or all or none of the above. Since much of the clitoris is internal, try applying vibration to areas around the clitoral hood. It’s all about experimentation. “No matter how intimate you are with a partner, you will never, ever, ever — even if it's really, really close — be as comfortable being vulnerable with them as you are being vulnerable with yourself when no one else is around,” says Marie Z.

After doing some experimentation, you’ll have a starting point to communicate the kind of stimulation you like for partner play. As your partner is stimulating your clit with their tongue, fingers, or something else, you can guide verbally or non-verbally. You can communicate to your partner by directly telling them what you want, by touching yourself to demonstrate, moving their fingers or head over your clit, or making noises like moaning to convey you like what they’re doing. Advocating for your pleasure can be hard and take a certain amount of courage. But remember, there’s no one way to communicate your needs, it’s just important you get them out there in one way or another.

So, when it comes to stimulating the clit, it’s best to get an idea of what you like and don’t like, first through masturbation, then through communicating those needs during partnered play. The journey to figuring out what pleasures you most should be a fun one, so enjoy the ride!

Colby Marie Z

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

Colby Marie Z is a sex & relationship coach, educator, speaker and blogger based out of Providence, RI. She is a doctoral candidate in human sexuality, an avid (slash obnoxious) football fan, and has been proudly talking about sexual pleasure, confidence, and satisfaction for 10+ years. She is the founder of Sex, Love & All the Feels, where she strives to provide accurate, honest and factual sex and relationship info …with a dash of sass.

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