Everyone is different — perhaps especially when it comes to how we like to have sex, with whom, and how often. But is it possible to like sex too much?
In this stream, sex educator Q Wilson answers the question “Can I like sex too much?”
Because most of us had a shame-based, abstinence-only sex education, we may feel embarrassed for liking sex for pleasure even a little bit. After all, society would have us believe sex is only for married people trying to reproduce and anything outside that is sin. It’s no wonder we question ourselves for enjoying sex at all.
For people who do not fit a heteronormative mold, unlearning shame around enjoying sex can be especially difficult. That’s because we are inundated with messages that say sex is for conventionally attractive, white, straight people, and pleasure is for men. It takes work to claim sexual power and to mute those negative messages. One way to claim that power, is to simply get to know what turns you on, whether that be through masturbation, a sex toy, erotica, with a partner, etc. Once we can get more comfortable communicating sexual desires, we can start getting more comfortable enjoying sex, and advocating for our pleasure.
Don’t let people shame you for having a type or way you like to have sex. Q gives the example of a person who is attracted to older men with salt and pepper hair, and then told they have daddy issues. Labeling a behavior can be a way to shame a person. Voicing concern for a person’s sexual behavior, can also sometimes be a way to shame them. Saying something like, “You slept with how many people?” “Were you even safe?” sounds like it’s coming from a good place, but is actually just a way of slut-shaming someone. Instead, we should celebrate other’s sexual adventures.
If you have a high sex drive, ride the wave and enjoy it. Everybody’s sex drive is different, and there’s no right way to be. Don’t let other people pathologize why you enjoy sex. Don’t let someone tell you it’s because you have daddy issues, or you have an addiction, or bipolar disorder, or that it’s a symptom of drug and alcohol abuse, etc. While any one of those things could or could not be true about you, a high sex drive is not necessarily symptomatic of any of those things. It’s okay to have a high sex drive simply because you love sex.
All in all, it’s okay to love sex and to love it a whole lot. So long as your sex life is not negatively impacting other aspects of your life or others’ lives, then you should be having all the sex you want.