Sometimes all you need to spice things up in the bedroom are some sexy words. That said, dirty talk doesn’t always come naturally and can feel awkward if you’re not used to doing it.
Dirty talk — language designed to arouse — isn’t something that necessarily comes easily or happens spontaneously. It takes effort and practice. Because if we dirty talk “wrong,” or in a way our partner’s not into, we risk feeling embarrassed, and maybe even offending our partner. It’s no wonder dirty talk makes so many of us feel vulnerable and self-conscious.
To ease these feelings, first try communicating with your partner about the words or phrases that turn them on. Do they like being called “Daddy,” or not so much? Do they like their genitals called “pussy” or “cunt”? Maybe they’re into more clinical terms and prefer “vulva.” What do you and your partner want to feel when dirty talk is happening? Desirable? Empowered? Dominated or possessed? Once you’re clear on some of these things, and if your dirty talk wants and desires are compatible, you can start talking with more confidence.
Narrative dirty talk is a good place to start as it’s perhaps the easiest form of dirty talk. It’s when you simply describe or comment on what’s happening during a sexual moment. For example, you can say, “You’re so wet,” or “You’re so hard.”
Directive dirty talk is when you make a suggestion or request, like “I want you to go down on me right now.” You can get creative with how you make requests, though this does require a bit of vulnerability as your requests may be turned down. For some ideas on how to be more creative, try reading some erotica or watching porn with your partner.
Nostalgic dirty talk is when you describe a past hot sexual encounter. You can say something like “It was so hot when I had you bent over the table last Friday,” for example. Try combining nostalgic dirty talk and directive dirty talk. “You bent over on the table last Friday was so hot. Do it again now.”
Dirty talk is a great opportunity to have fun and be playful. It can be used as foreplay, to test a fantasy, to maximize your sexual experience, or even as a way to ask consent. When it goes well, it can be a deeply connecting experience. After all, knowing your partner’s hot button words can accelerate the excitement. Just have fun with it.