Most people aren’t born with amazing kissing skills. Kissing is something you can learn, practice and get better at.

Here to teach us how to be a better kisser is sensual educator and sexual consultant Dr. Yoni Alkan and his partner and kissing coach Alexis. 

So, why is kissing so important in the first place? One theory is it’s needed to determine biological compatibility. Unfortunately, studies around kissing are cis-hetero-focused, but here are some interesting stats about kissing:

• Men like tongue and saliva swapping more than women.
• Men have a 50% likelihood of sleeping with someone without kissing first.
• Women have a 10-15% likelihood of sleeping with someone without kissing first.
• Women are half as likely to sleep with a man they perceive to be a bad kisser. 
• Men like hearing their partner’s reactions more than women, whether that’s moaning, gasping, etc. 

Dr. Alkan and Alexis then discuss consent before kissing and some kissing techniques. 

Kissing can basically be broken down into three parts: lips, tongue, and teeth. The key to finding the right ratio by taking verbal and nonverbal cues from your partner. You don’t want too much tongue, or you don’t want to use your teeth to nibble too hard, for example, if you partner isn’t reacting positively. 

For a first kiss, Dr. Alkan and Alexis suggest keeping things on the softer side as you’re still learning your partner’s style. Maybe down the road, things can get rough and aggressive, but that’s something you’ll want to feel out with your partner to make sure you’re both into it. 

They then demonstrate how to kiss, making sure to keep their lips relaxed. They show us how you might want to hold your partner’s body, and how you may explore their mouth gently with your tongue. They note that kissing, like sex, is a conversation where you are communicating all the time with cues. Listen and feel what your partner is doing, and communicate what want, too. Hopefully, your styles will be compatible, but if not, and you aren’t enjoying the kiss, you can always stop the kiss.